Left out

[supernix]

Hi,

I am not long from being married now. I think it is less than three months now. But now I am kinda feeling left out. Now my fw is all ramped up I took her and her bridesmaids and mother shopping the other day to pick out dresses and shoes and the likes. I however have no friends. Just never been much of a social person. Don't let that give you the wrong idea. I do talk to people and on a daily basis mind you just usually to different people. So while I meet many people I don't know anyone one person all that well. So I picked my soon to be brother in law to be the best man and his sons to help act as ushers and my cousin and karate teacher to be an usher as well. But the best man is just to laid back. I can't really pick the karate teacher because he is just one of those heavy partying people so the party he would throw I am sure would be one that would get me into all kinds of hot water. And for my cousin he is so bogged down with college that he has no time for the planning and prep work for a wedding.
So now I am honestly feeling left out and freaked out.

[DragonYoga]

Hello and welcome to Pash!

I'm sorry you're feeling so left out. Have you tried talking to your FW about how you feel? Or try buddying with your future BIL, just to try and get to know him a little better? I wish I had better advice for you, maybe one of the others on here will be able to help.

Congrats on your engagement, by the way!

[Julz518]

Hey Steve, welcome to Pash!

First, I wanna say it's so nice that you're even seeking advice on this. my FH is kind of in the same boat, as all of his friends have been "grown up" and married for years now and his bro is still in college. But instead of trying to find someone to be excited with her just complains. Of course, we're still years away from our wedding and haven't even picked the wedding party yet...

It kind of sounds like your trying to figure out who should plan your bachelor party? I personally think it's fine for you to plan it yourself and do whatever you want with however many people you want. You could also do a joint bachelor/bachelorette party with your FW if you think the girls might make the evening more enjoyable. That's what we did for my sister's first wedding, and it was a blast! And a friend of mine started out with separate parties (i.e. having dinner separately) and then both parties met up at the same club afterwards.

I also think you should talk to your FW and tell her how you feel. Maybe she can involve you in other wedding stuff and give you guidance about what help she expects from you and where you can just relax and leave the details to her. She could also make suggestions for ways to get to know her brother better.

Good Luck!

[Heather]

Welcome back supernix! It's been a while.

I think it's very normal for the groom to feel the way you do while your wedding is being planned around you. It is true that brides tend to take over in most areas, but I think if there is an area in which you want to make the decisions - go for it! My husband planned most of the menu and found the DJ. He picked out his tux and the groomsmen's tuxes, and helped me with the seating chart. Those were all things that I was happy to "let-go" of and really appreciated the help. Maybe your FW will feel the same?

As for a bachelor party, I wouldn't be too concerned with who plans what. If the planner knows your personality he probably won't go too overboard with things you may be uncomfortable with. For example - I'm the Matron of Honor in a friend's wedding and she absolutely does not want strippers in any way, shape or form. Two bridesmaids have been incessantly trying to get ME to change my mind, but I have my foot down for the Bride's sake. Could you take someone more mellow into your confidence and let him know what you are hoping for, or not hoping for it sounds like.

As mentioned above, you could always plan something like a dinner or maybe a football game with just the guys - it's only pre-season but a tailgate party is a tailgate party! It may give you a chance to get to know these guys a little better too, and that's not a bad thing since they'll be with you on your big day.

Good luck with everything and you know we're here if you need advice or just need to vent. Don't forget to come back and let us know how it goes!

[breezy]

My DF is in the same boat. While he says he doesn't want the fuss, he will/would appreciate it.

The guys aren't having a "bachelor party" per-se. But all the guys are going to go out and *do* something. At this point it looks like either paint pall or laser tag at an adult arcade. They will all have a ball!!!

[deputysgurl]

I think that most grooms feel this way. I know my husband did. Just offer to help. She may not realize that you feel this left out.

[supernix]

I sure do appreciate all your input it has been very nice to hear from all of you and has done much to ease my frustrations.
I definitely like many of the ideas that I have heard and do think I shall take more of a part in the planning I just always stayed back because everything said that planning of the wedding was the brides part and her mother.

I will get back to this later after work thanks again.

[janeandreawong]

Originally Posted by deputysgurl

I think that most grooms feel this way. I know my husband did. Just offer to help. She may not realize that you feel this left out.

I agree. She might not have a single idea you feel that way. Try to talk to her about how you feel and I am sure she'll do her best to make you feel better about this whole thing. Goodluck!



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