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Royalsgrl · #1 08-15-2006, 05:44 PM

Hello
Just have a little thing on my mind, I may be over reacting but i feel a bit hurt. Ok my Best friend is getting married, and last January she asked me to be in her wedding, and that how it was asked. I did not find out until two days ago that she asked some other girl to be her maid of honour. Me and her always said that when either of us get married, we would be each others maid of honour. We went to school with each other from kindergarten. Since she has asked me I have taken her to pick up her center pieces, went to a bridal show with her and showed her some nice bombonieres that I ordered for her through my friend who gave them to her at her price. Now she is saying how her mom all of a sudden is interested in helping her, and that is why i had not heard from her in over a month as she did not need me cause she had her mom. Me and her had plans to put the bombonieres together like the example I showed her ( that both her and her fiance loved) but in her colors, now she is saying her mother doesnt see how they will work so she has to show them to her aunt to do something fancy with to convince her mom that they will work. I dont really know how I feel, and as I said maybe over reacting a bit, but it hurts me that she didnt make me her maid of honour, and now with the bombonieres its really making me feel left out. As well as the dresses, she has already picked out a style that she wants, but they dont seem suitable for a larger person like myself. I will in no way say anything to her about this, even though it hurts she is still my best friend and I want her to have a wonderful day!! Any suggestions as to how I can not let this bother me, if this was you would it make you upset. Any replies would be wonderful.

Thank you
Royalsgrl

DragonYoga · #2 08-15-2006, 06:57 PM

First, welcome to pash!

Second,

I have to admit, if it were me I'd be incredibly hurt as well. But, to keep the peace, I wouldn't bring that up. She may have her reasons, and quite frankly at the moment I can't think of any. As for the dress style that she's chosen, can you ask (in a way that isn't threatening) if you can choose another dress in a similar style or color that would be more flattering for your figure?
As for the boutonnieres, I have no clue. I think for you, you're feeling hurt more that she's not spending as much time with you as she did before...You've done quite a bit for her thus far and probably feeling left out. I can understand her wanting to share with her mom in the planning, etc. but... I'm sorry, I have no real advice. Just a

for you.

Yelycrazygirl · #3 08-15-2006, 07:13 PM

I understand how you feel, and I think that is totally normal that you feel hurt. I can’t give you a reason of why your friend didn’t ask you to be the MOH, but I’m pretty sure she has a good one. I know that probably you would’ve had felt better if she gave you an explanation, but unfortunately she didn’t…and I say this taking into consideration that you are best friends.

But something that you can’t forget is that is her wedding, that’s just enough reason for her to make any decision without having to give an explanation of why? I would suggest you to see it from the point that is her wedding, is her day and she would do what makes her happy. That you will be there to support her and give advice, now giving advice doesn’t mean that she will take them. Maybe if you see it that way, you are going to feel a little bit better.

For the dresses, I have a question, did you already tried it on? Sometimes we think that a certain style won’t look good on us until we try it. If you did so, well you can talk to her in a nice way and express your feelings. I know is hard to make everybody happy but she might see your point and who knows maybe change the style…..

Anyway good luck, hope everything works out for you and your friend and that my words help you a little bit and here is a

for you…….

Royalsgrl · #4 08-15-2006, 07:37 PM

Hello

Thank you for your responses, i would never bring up how I felt to her, as i dont want to hurt her. As to her reason why she chose her cousin who is 5 hours away, she told me her reason. (I didnt say anything regarding it she discussed it herself) Her reason is she pretty much asked her so she could convince her to get married herself, and she has not talked to her since May, and can never seem to get a hold of her! I always thought that the moh played an important role as do the bridesmaids, now it upsets me even more really. But im going to keep my mouth quiet and go with the flow!

Thank you very much

back

DragonYoga · #5 08-16-2006, 12:43 AM

Hey girl,

ERGH what a recipe for disaster! Choosing someone to be the MoH just to "convince" them to get married themselves is kind of a bad idea! And you're right, the MoH is supposed to be the offical bride assistant. Who knows, your best friend just may to get under so much stress she may decide to toss the cousin as the MoH and put you in!

Royalsgrl · #6 08-16-2006, 02:36 AM

Hello
Well at this point it really doesnt matter to me, but when I was talking to her today she was basically saying we have everything set up and all she has to do is show up righ? she asked me lol well there is a heck of alot more that comes with it, and the moh wont even be there when we go to decide on the dresses next week cause its to far for her to travel and wont be down until oct 20th, and the wedding is January 2007. The way I look at it now is, she made her decisions, shes going to have to deal with them, and I know my friend so well she is the type that stays strong hides all the problems and Always always gets in over her head lol

But thanks so much for the replies, i do feel a little better talking to someone that is more understanding than your sisters lol and usually there one of the best lol

thanks again

Kim&Bob2004 · #7 08-16-2006, 09:51 PM

Hope all works out well.

At least as the BM and not the MOH you wont have to be the one to plan a bridal shower..........

DavidsWife · #8 08-18-2006, 01:57 AM

I don't have any advice for this!!!

Iam sorry to hear that you are hurt! As I would be VERY hurt as well!!!! Hang in there girl!!! She's so lucky to have such an awesome friend likeyou to help her out along the way...

And when all is said and done, Hopefully she will look back and realize how helpful and how much fun you were along the way!!!

Jayme

Heather · #9 08-18-2006, 04:52 AM

I have to be honest and say that I would not be hurt in this situation. It's more important to me that the bride have everything the way she wants it, and she's doing that for a particular reason(s). Maybe it's out of obligation to someone else, but it's her choice. As a friend, you should support that and just be there for her. I'm the MOH in one of my best friend's wedding in Sept. and it's a pain in the ass, lol. The bride is wonderful, it's the BMs that need to be smacked up once in a while. So my advice to you is to never let on to the bride that there are any issues within the BP and that you're happy to be there for her. If she's not getting the support she needs from the MOH, she knows she has you that she can go to.

I can tell you one thing though. If the Bride chose your other friend to be the MOH out of obligation or guilt, she'll regret it. I had a BM that I wasn't going to ask, but then I was guilted into it. When I "formally" asked her, her response was: "It's about time." No laugh, no smile - she was totally serious. Since my wedding (over 2 years) I've only talked to her twice and it's not from lack of trying on my end. Looking at some of my photos make me sad because she's there and she shouldn't be.

Also, I'm sure that her Mom has taken over probably quite a bit, that can happen and is normal there too. I would have had my Mom with me every hour of every day if I could have. (She lives four hours away.)

Bottom line - you sound like a very caring person and it's obvious you're a wonderful friend. Just be there for her and smile through it. You are in the wedding for a reason, because she loves you and wants you standing with her. Where you stand ain't no big thang.

DragonYoga · #10 08-22-2006, 04:12 PM

[quote=Heather]

Bottom line - you sound like a very caring person and it's obvious you're a wonderful friend. Just be there for her and smile through it. You are in the wedding for a reason, because she loves you and wants you standing with her. Where you stand ain't no big thang.QUOTE]

VERY well put, H!