Dad and Stepdad

[imstilldreaming]

Hi guys, I'm new here. I'm starting to plan (sort of) my April wedding, and wanted some advice. I grew up mostly with my stepdad, while seeing my dad every month or so. Biological Dad hasn't been so great with keeping up with my life (he didn't even make it to my college graduation, then failed to call to apologize). However, I want to include both him and my stepdad in the ceremony and on the invitations. I don't want to hurt either's feelings. Any ideas?

[Julz518]

Congratulations on your engagement and upcoing wedding!

Your dad situation is not an uncommon one, so hopefully we can help you out. First of all, have you talked to any of your parents about this? It might be helpful to get their insight and find out how they expect to eb involved in the wedding - you may find that one of your dad's doesn't expect to be that involved, which would save you a lot of trouble.

I too, grew up not as close to my bio-dad as my step-dad. Though my step-dad is no longer in the picture I spent a lot of time when I was younger trying to figure out how my wedding would work

As for the ceremony, I was going to have my step-dad walk me down the aisle (I am now going to walk myself, as my dad isn't contributing to the wedding). You could also have both dads walk you down (one on each side) if you think your real dad would be hurt, have each walk to 1/2 way, have one meet you at the front, or walk by yourself.

For the father-daughter dance (I was and still am going to forgo it all-together, as my FH's mother is deceased) you could easily alternate between them. It might be fun to let them "compete" for your time. Or if only step-dad walks you down the aisle, maybe you could dance with real dad?

For the invitations and such, it might be easiest to use the word "parents" instead of listing all of your parents. Typically whoever is paying for the wedding is who gets their name on the announcement/invitation. Again, since my dad is not contributing, my invitations will either say my mom's name or my FH & I will "announce" ourselves. I think my sister used all the names (or was thining of it) in her announcements - her ex-hubby's parents were divorced and remarried as well, so it was a very long list!

In any case, what you do should be your decision and what makes you most comfortable and happy on your wedding day. I think both of your dads will understand that and will have no problem with whatever you decide.

Good Luck!

[Complicated Woman]

Welcome to Pash! A lot of us are in a similar boat, so don't worry.

I am closer to my father than I am to my stepdad, so for me it is a no brainer who will walk me down the aisle and dance with me, but I don't want my stepfathers feelings to be hurt. I am thinking of stopping when I come down the aisle and kissing my stepfather and grandfather on the cheek to acknowledge them, then going back to my dad to be given away. That way, they will have a special moment as important men in my life, but not quite like my dad.

Maybe you could do something similar only with your stepfather walking you down?

Also, on invitations, you can just say "the parents of the bride".

[AshyBekka]

Welcome to Pash!

I think this is definitely a common problem with us brides. I was in a similar situation, except my dad and I have buried the hatchet from long ago, and he's taken a major role in planning and financing the wedding. I actually lucked out-I had originally thought of having them both walk me down the aisle (I've seen it before and it works out if everyone agrees-and the aisle is wide enough), but Dad was really uncomfortable with that. On the plus side though, StepDad HATES weddings, graduations, formal events generally, so he's more than happy to not take part in that. However, at the end of the aisle when the preacher asks who is giving me away, I'm having my mom, stepmom, Dad and stepdad stand up to say "we are." It's certainly a posse, but I honestly feel like they've all been so important to me that I can't imagine anything else.

I'm also doing two dances-the father/daughter, and then one with my stepdad later on (I'm spacing them out some). Again, StepDad isn't really into dancing either, so we'll probably be low key about it. I guess the bottom line comes down to what you and your family are comfortable with, and what everyone can agree on. There are so many options! Oh-invitations: "Mr. and Mrs. Dad Family and Mr. and Mrs. Mom family request the honor of your company..."

Good luck!
Ashley

[imstilldreaming]

Thanks for the tips!

I guess it makes sense just to ask them, huh? I definitely like walking down the aisle with one on each side, then everyone can see how lucky I am to have two dads! I have a feeling my 'real' dad may not like that. We'll see.

And as for the invites, thanks for that info too. I don't think anybody is helping us pay for it, so I'm not sure what I'll do on that front either.

[sparklesweetie]

For our invites, since neither set of parents were contributing financially but some did help with tasks, we put "together with their families." It worked just fine.

[RACS218]

Talk to both of them and make them feel that you would like them to be part of your wedding. You 3 can then talk who would walk you down the aisle, who would be having your first dance with, etc.. Goodluck!!



Beverly Spencer
http://bridesmaidtailor.com/
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[AshNJam07]

Well I too have a father who I see occasionally and I grew up mostly with my stepfather. They are both walking me down the aisle, but because Jamie(fiance) and I are holding our own ceremony (no parents on the invite) I don't have the dilemna of trying to put father and stepfather on the invites. But I just thought I'd let you know that someone here is in the same boat!!

[DavidsWife]

I have seen people have there father/step father (Whoever) walk them half way up the isle and then the other father/ step father the rest of the way (Alter) I would (Personally) Have the person to whom is closer to you take you up to the alter!!! Just a suggestion!

Good luck Girl!
Jayme

[ladedah]

Originally Posted by imstilldreaming

Hi guys, I'm new here. I'm starting to plan (sort of) my April wedding, and wanted some advice. I grew up mostly with my stepdad, while seeing my dad every month or so. Biological Dad hasn't been so great with keeping up with my life (he didn't even make it to my college graduation, then failed to call to apologize). However, I want to include both him and my stepdad in the ceremony and on the invitations. I don't want to hurt either's feelings. Any ideas?

Wow....we could switch lives!!! I was married last April and I really wanted to include my Stepfather...as he has been in my life for more than a majority of it...and my brother and I are the only children he has (although we're not biologically), but I felt as if I couldn't cut my dad out entirely either...Both of them walked me down the aisle....my invitations were worded like this...

Mr and Mrs stepdad and Mr and Mrs Dad request the honour of your presence at the marriage of their daughter.....


I was afraid that my dad would be upset and I think he was a little hurt, but he tried not to let it show and after the ceremony he even walked up to my step dad and said...."we really did a good job with her".....it was really sweet especially since my dad and mom have been divorced 26 years, remarried for 23 and I don't think either of my dads have ever actually spoken a word.

[imstilldreaming]

That seems like a good idea!

Seeing as my wedding is out of state, I'm not sure I'm even going to add my dad in the ceremony because the chances of him coming aren't that great. Especially since he didn't come to my out of state college graduation (after he said he was) and I'm the only one of his children who has graduated from college.

ANYWAY, I will probably just end up walking down the aisle by myself.

[DavidsWife]

Originally Posted by imstilldreaming

ANYWAY, I will probably just end up walking down the aisle by myself.

^ Thats a GREAT idea too!!!