Stress with Dresses - The PASH Wedding Forums and Message Boards

AngelRoseFyre · #1 08-08-2006, 05:46 PM

Since all of my bridesmaids are pretty much broke, so my mom decided she would buy there dresses for them off of Davids Bridal Make a Match Seperates:

http://www.davidsbridal.com/bridesma..._separates.jsp

They can go thru and pick out the skirt and top they want, as long as it is in red and look appropriate for the wedding. All they would have to buy is there shoes, and since all the dresses won't match my only requirement for shoes is they have to be black and look dressy with the dress they choose. My mom is giving each of them a $180.00 limit.

Will it look ok if they are all dressed a little different?

My dilema is that since we are paying so much for the bridesmaids dresses I can't get the Wedding Dress I love. I sugested going to Dillards or something and getting the bridesmaids dresses for less, but she says that then they won't be able to wear them again, and if she spends money on them, she wants to buy something they can wear again.

Also she says the dress I want is inappropriate for the wedding, since it has a long train, and she thinks it is to formal.

Dress I want:

Dress she will settle for (will be in red accents - like bottom pictures):

I don't mean to sound like bridezilla, but I am very stressed in general right now. I am over reacting?

AshyBekka · #2 08-08-2006, 06:02 PM

Whoa-wait a sec! Who's getting married again? While I think what you're trying to do for your bridesmaids is very nice, I hate that you're thinking about doing it at the expense of wearing the gown that you love for your wedding day! 180 a girl is a pretty big budget for buying bridesmaid gowns-if that's for sure what you and your mom are doing, couldn't you look for dresses that are a little cheaper so you could still get your dream dress? There are a lot of one piece dresses that have potential to be worn over again, but regardless, I think your mom is being a little over the top in "requiring" that the dresses they wear can be worn again-at your expense! If she's that concerned about spending the money, realizing there's a better than even chance that any dress is going to end up in the back of the closet, then maybe she should rethink the gesture-although it is sweet, I'd just rather you get your dress!!!

wembley · #3 08-08-2006, 06:08 PM

I think as far as the bridesmaid dresses go, they will look fine slightly different. They will all be the same color and this way they can each find a style and cut that will look the best on their individual figures. I think it's a good idea.

For your dress, they are both beautiful dresses that are very similar. Would you be happy in the second option? If she is paying then yes you have to take that into consideration but you also have to be happy and love what you will wear down the aisle. Is it a huge price difference between the two?

555Ann555 · #4 08-08-2006, 06:09 PM

I'm tempted to be a little sneaky in my response because I loved that second dress so much!

I think your mum has a right to say just how much money she is willing to contibute towards your wedding dress (not that she has to contribute at all) but she can't tell you what to wear... Having said that, she could just withdraw the offer to help with your dress.

Is there any way you could get her to agree to a fixed amount after which you either pay the rest, or choose a less expensive dress for yourself?

AngelRoseFyre · #5 08-08-2006, 06:12 PM

Part of me is thinking she is usuing the expensive bridesmaids dresses as a way of not allowing me the dress I want. She doesn't like it, she thinks it is too formal, and she doesn't like anything formal. If I were to choose the dress she liked and it was the same price as the one I like, I would almost guarantee you she would agree to fork up the extra money. I can't afford the dress on my own, so thats not even an option.

She won't withdraw the offer to help, one of my bridesmaids is my brothers fiance, and she wan't allow them to suffer the costs, and if she pays for hers it's not fair to not pay for the others. On the same note though, I don't want to put a financial strain on any of my bridesmaids. I had a bride do that to me once, and it was horrible.

Does this mean we will have to pay for the groomsmans tuxes as well?

wembley · #6 08-08-2006, 06:16 PM

Could you afford the difference in the price of the one she likes and the one you like? Maybe you could work out a deal where she will pay up to a certain price and the rest you cover.

Yelycrazygirl · #7 08-08-2006, 06:41 PM

As if the BMs will look fine with different outfits, yes, because they will have the same color. $180.00 each, can be a little too much for an outfit, I know they can find something for at least $99.00. I think is a nice gesture from your mom wanting to pay for the BMs dresses, but I think is unfair to you to have to forget about your dream dress, is your wedding and at least for me I’m a little selfish when we are talking about who’s wedding it is…..

Can you afford part of cost of the wedding dress? If so, accept the amount that your mom is willing to pay and you pay for the other part that won’t be covered. Also you can do a little bit of research and find some BMs dresses that will look good and that can be use again for a cheaper price at a different store. You still have a little bit of time for your wedding, so if you do some search you might find something else that your mom will like and that won’t hurt your dream dress.

One more thought, that second dress is beautiful too, I’m pretty sure you will look fabulous on it, if you ended up with it, you are going to look great…..

I hope you can solve your problem….. Suerte….

kenzies_mama · #8 08-08-2006, 06:55 PM

As far as the BM dresses, unfortunately you cannot get a 2 piece at DB for much less then that, but there are other options, and just because she's buying to 2 piece does not mean they'll wear it again, as it's still a pretty formal look. Also different dresses will look just fine, see my thread http://http://www.pashweddings.com/w...ead.php?t=4136

But make sure you don't just say "red" b/c DB has at least 3 different shades of red. And even chossing one color red my girls dresses still don't look exactly the same.

labeadel · #9 08-08-2006, 06:59 PM

Okay, I have several things to say:

Yes, those dresses are very nice. I almost went with the mix and match option too. BUT, don't think that they'll EVER wear them again. That should not be a reason to buy a BM dress over another. IMO, as being a BM 3-4 times, I would never wear a BM dress again. Seriously. Unless it's just a cute little sundress, I'll never wear it again. It's a BM dress to me now. You can find much cheaper dresses than $180! And I would think that you would be more apt to wear a dress again if it's from somewhere like Dillards rather than a BRIDAL SHOP.

And I understand that you don't want to put any of your BM out, but when a woman agrees to be a BM, they understand that that comes with having to shell out some $$. Anyone who accepts that doesn't know that is just kidding themselves. I would suggest choosing a cheaper dress and having them pay for themselves. As for your brother's fiance, your mom can pay for hers and not the other girls. Who pays for what is nobody's business. I say go ahead and have your mom purchase the fiance's dress and just don't tell anybody. My mom purchased stuff for my brother and nephew (they were my ushers) and she paid for their trip out to my wedding, and that didn't make her feel like she had to do anything else for the rest of the bridal party. It is no different here.

It bugs me that your mom is willing to purchase a dress for you, but put stipulations on it. My mom didn't even look at the price tags on the dresses until we chose the final ones we liked. And even then, she didn't show me until it was decided. I know that not all mom's are like mine, but I don't like how you have to get the dress that she approves of. That's just not fair, IMO. If you have your BM purchase their own dresses, will she then allow you to purchase the #1 dress, or will she still make you feel bad about it?

And no, you don't HAVE to pay for the GM tuxes, although if you're paying for the BM...

Complicated Woman · #10 08-08-2006, 08:13 PM

I LOVE the dress you chose. If it's what you want, just talk to your mother and explain that you appreciate her generosity and understand she only has a limited amount to contribute. Is there any way you could make up the difference in cost for the two dresses?

It just doesn't seem right that your mother should choose the dress you get because she wants to pay for a bunch of dresses that she's in no way obligated to pay for.

michaelsbride · #11 08-08-2006, 10:37 PM

Actually i think your mom is mistaken... i think a dress bought at dillards is MUCH more likely to be worn again. Usually they are formal without being that straight color that screams wedding dress. I have several evening gowns from dillards that get packed away until the next formal event that im going to (plays, special dinners...).

sparklesweetie · #12 08-09-2006, 02:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by labeadel

And I understand that you don't want to put any of your BM out, but when a woman agrees to be a BM, they understand that that comes with having to shell out some $$. Anyone who accepts that doesn't know that is just kidding themselves. I would suggest choosing a cheaper dress and having them pay for themselves. As for your brother's fiance, your mom can pay for hers and not the other girls. Who pays for what is nobody's business. I say go ahead and have your mom purchase the fiance's dress and just don't tell anybody. My mom purchased stuff for my brother and nephew (they were my ushers) and she paid for their trip out to my wedding, and that didn't make her feel like she had to do anything else for the rest of the bridal party. It is no different here.

What she said.

mommy03bride · #13 08-09-2006, 03:54 AM

i agree with labeadel

AngelRoseFyre · #14 08-09-2006, 05:47 PM

We really don't have very much additional money anywhere, we are going broke as it is trying to pay for the honeymoon ($3700.00 +) and the extra contributions to the wedding.

But I have been looking at the second dress, and the more I look at it the more I really do like it. So maybe it won't be so much setteling for it, I just need some more time with it!

Julz518 · #15 08-09-2006, 05:59 PM

I actually like the second dress a little more and think you'll be more comfortable in it, but that's just me and I'm definitely not into "formal dresses"
You shuold go with what you want.

However, I do think that $180 per dress for your bridesmaids is very generous. Now, I have no idea how much the mix n' match stuff at DB costs, but $180 for soemthing that is un-formal enough for them to wear again?? It doens't make sens to me. I was in a wedding once where the bride's family paid for 1/2 of our dresses - would that help out your BMs enough that they could afford their own dress?

Do your bridesmaids all live close? have you thought about having their dresses made? I think what I'm going to do is take all the girls to Joanne Fabrics one day and pick out fabrics and patterns that coordinate well and then have their dresses made. That should be less than $180 and each girl will still get something individualized and that she can wear again... but it's more time and effort on your part

Good Luck!

justnmary · #16 08-09-2006, 06:04 PM

My 2 cents.....

First off, very cool of your mom to offer to purchase the dresses.....with that being said....if she were to pay for the dresses, then choose 1 style that works for all girls (they're not paying I don't feel they have much say in the matter, like Amy said, they knew agreeing to stand up there was a price involved and shouldn't have agreed if cost was an issue ...yea I'm a bitch), if they decide to pay for their own dresses then go ahead and let them choose what style they would like...second...you're mom should not dictate what you should wear and not to use the cost as an excuse!!.....I can't believe she would pull that! This is YOUR wedding....anyway....that's all I have to say on the matter....

AngelRoseFyre · #17 08-09-2006, 06:29 PM

I tried to have her come down on the dresses, but she is a VERY STUBBORN woman, she is set on BUYING all the dresses and doing it at Davids. I don't really get it, but she gets all huffy puffy if I try to get her to do it anyother way. She won't budge on having them wear differnet dresses either, she likes everything to be unique, and that would be unique (so she thinks), and it gives the girls options, so no one feels uncomfortable, and they all have somethingh that fits their bodies. I am just about to give up on the whole "whos wedding is it?" thing. I think it is hers now. She gets on my case, saying I'm being a littel bridzilla every time I disagree with her.

And no only one of my bridesmaids lives nearby, the others live states away.

Kim&Bob2004 · #18 08-09-2006, 06:52 PM

Either dress you pick will be lovely, though I like your favorite best. NO I DON'T THINK IT IS TOO FORMAL. And I agree with others that a dress from a dept. store is more likely to be worn again. Just my two cents. Personally if my mom was getting all anal about a wedding dress I would kindly tell her that I was working extra and was buying my own wedding dress. But that is just me. I wouldn't want to be held hostage, and I would feel like I was. Trust me, there were points in our wedding that we were held hostage over, and Bob insisted that we follow through because of family peace (and we paid for most of the wedding), but I wished so many times I could slap some sense into someone. It wasn't my mom though, and maybe if it would have been I wouldn't have given it another thought and figured she had a point....... hmmmmmm. Anyway, if the dress she likes is beginning to find a warm spot in your heart, then that is great, maybe she liked it better on you and used that as a way to make you buy the dress she loved you in. You are her little girl and she may have seen you in that one and thought to herself that you looked like a princess. But don't allow your self to be held hostage!

wembley · #19 08-09-2006, 07:20 PM

I personally wish I didn't go with a train on my dress. It was hot when it was put up and was in the way when it was down.

I agree with the ladies in the fact that it is your wedding and you should be happy with what happens but I also want to be realistic in the fact that you have said yourself that you can't afford to pay for things. If these are the strings that are attached to the money then you need to think about whether or not it's worth it. If you don't have other money to come up with, then maybe it is. Both dresses are beautiful and you have been considering both so it's not like she's making you pick somethink you don't like. Also, I think the girls will look beautiful in different pieces, especially if they are able to pick them themselves. They can get a cut that fits their bodies. And if you are going with David's, then that amount of money is about what it will cost.

Emily · #20 08-10-2006, 03:26 PM

I agree with Annie on this one, unfortunately because your Mum is forking out the cash for your dress then she is going to attach strings!

But..... on the other hand I really really like the second dress much better than the first, and just to throw a spanner in the works I reckon you should go with the blu (like the one you have on in the pic) cause it really suits your skin colouring!

AngelRoseFyre · #21 08-10-2006, 03:52 PM

My wedding colors are red and champaine, so I really want the red one. And I'm not fond of light blue, I've never liked it.

You think I look good in blue? I always though I looked better in warm colors and not so much in cool. HMMMMM maybe I don't know my own colors that well, but thanks for the compliment!!!!

It still seems the more I look at #2 the more I like it, it may be more functional as well.

whiddle · #22 08-10-2006, 06:42 PM

I like the second wedding dress better so I guess Im not any help in that department.

I don't see the point in spending $180 for mix and match dresses. Why not get the regular dresses in different styles? That's what my BM's did. I have NEVER re-worn a BM dress.

My BM's:

All dresses are from Davids. It's the best pic I could find of all 5 of them. The most expensive one was like $130.