who should be involved - The PASH Wedding Forums and Message Boards

tupperm2000 · #1 08-07-2006, 05:13 PM

My sister in law is getting married. She and her future husband is having all friends invloved in the wedding ,but her sister and his brother is best man/matrian honor. ISnt it proper to have her brothers involved in the wedding? My other sister inlaw isnt involeved in the wedding in anyway. I thoguht it was proper to ask us do do something, like a reading or gifts or giving out comminion. THey are having aunts and cousins and friends doing that as well. My feeling are hurt, ashe was invloved in our wedding and only thought we all should be invloved.
Who should they have? WHats the proper thing to do?

hurting

Sharon Naylor · #2 08-11-2006, 02:11 PM

Well, this is one of those situations where you wish the bride and groom chose relatives for honor positions, as they have been included in other family weddings, but they've made a decision to include others. As unfortunate as this is -- and I know how disappointing it must feel to you -- it's the couple's choice as to who to include, the way they want them included.

One question: could this be a miscommunication? Could the bride and groom think that the brothers don't want to be included? I've seen situations where the brother made a joke about it not being 'for him' to be a groomsman, and the bride remembered that. I'm not blaming the brothers, but rather just looking for some explanation that might clear up confusion...

Unfortunately, you can't go to the bride and ask her why she didn't choose her brothers, or steamroll your choice of decision onto her, so my best advice is to just accept the decision and keep it in mind for the future.

Wish I could help more...

Sharon

Julz518 · #3 08-11-2006, 02:48 PM

Welcome to Pash!

Who to have in the wedding party or involved in the ceremony is something that I think EVERY couple wrestles with. There is not a "proper" wedding party. What it comes down to is who the bride and groom feel would be the most appropriate people to stand beside and support them on their wedding day.

There are many other reasons your sister-in-laws brother may not have been asked to be involved. Most likely they bride and groom just had too many people they were close to and had to choose. I'm sure it wasn't easy for them. Maybe they had a lot of mutual friends that they thought would be more appropriate or maybe the groom doesn't have many siblings, and so "loading" his side with the bride's brothers would not have been fair.

Whatever the case, you definitely SHOULD NOT mention your hurt to the bride or demand to be involved. However, you could offer to be involved in some other way, or simply mention that you would like to be, wether just in preparation or on the big day. There may be little roles that they haven't thought of yet that they will need help with, and you should let them know that they can count on you to be there, wherever they need you.

Good Luck!