| "Wed"iquette Discuss the in's and out's of wedding etiquette. |
08-07-2006, 02:33 PM
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Location: London, England
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Inviting peoples partners....
Okay I am humming and harring over whether I need to invite partners if I havent met them or had anything to do with them......
The rule I am following is that if one of my good friends who is invited is either engaged or married then their partner will be invited too. I dont wanting randoms coming to our wedding just because they are with one of my friends at that time.......
Now I have a great group of about 6 close girlfriends in NZ who are all being invited but they are all in different situations with their partners.... one is married so I am definitely inviting her husband, but another who has been with her boyfriend for two years and have been living together but I have had nothing to do with is, I think expecting an invite, but I dont really want to invite him. Another of my girlfriends and her boyfriend live quite separate lives even though they have been together 8 years, so I wont be inviting him because she always goes to things without him anyway..
Anyway my questions is how did you pick and choose whose partners to invited and what is the ettiquette??? I dont really want a bunch of randoms at my wedding!
I dont want people to be put out because some peoples partners have been invited when others havent!
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08-07-2006, 02:54 PM
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It sounds like you have the right idea (except the one who's living with her BF) - people living together should be invited as a couple.
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08-07-2006, 03:01 PM
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We're inviting the partners of everyone who has one and are inviting single adults (18+) to bring a guest. You don't have to invite singles to bring guests, ettiquete wise.
I think you really have to invite your friend's longtime boyfriend. Is she going to have to travel to NZ? She and her boyfriend may want to use the wedding as an opportunity for vacation, and she might not want to take the trip without him.
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08-07-2006, 03:20 PM
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by Complicated Woman
I think you really have to invite your friend's longtime boyfriend. Is she going to have to travel to NZ?
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Yeah you are absolutely right and they will be travelling from Australia together as they are coming over for a visit to her parents anyway - I just hate the idea of having people that I dont know at our wedding! I think I knew the answer to that one already, just wanted to see what the rest of you thought!
I will invite her man and the rest of the girls dont really have partners so it wont be such an issue.
Thanks girls! 
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08-07-2006, 04:46 PM
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Since they are such close friends, maybe you should plan a get together or something so you can meet the BF or SO?
I think as long as a couple has been together for over a year, then the BF should be invited, thats just my opinion.
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08-07-2006, 05:02 PM
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It seems this has already been answered, but I want to chime in with my $.02 anyway...
My FH and I have been dating for 4 years and have been friends since HS. Most of his (college) friends who have gotten married over the years have invited me as "and guest", even if they had met me multiple times. Only one invited me by name (and one invited me as "Mrs."  ).
Being "and guest" didn't bother me for the first few weddings, but in the past 1.5 years since we've been living together (even b4 we were engaged), I have felt a little insulted being invited as "and guest". I would be even more insulted if I wasn't invited at all.
I don't know what the ettiquette is, and it's probably different to invite gf's than bfs, since girls enjoy weddings more, but I feel like a wedding is one of those events that couples enjoy attending together and your friend's would want their bf's there... and if they don't then that should be their choice not to bring them. Maybe you could talk it over with your friend's first and get their feelings. Then you should definitely explain the situation if you decide not to invite the boys.
Good Luck!
P.S. It was only after attending friends wedding that FH and I ever talked about getting married, it was an otherwise taboo subject and we might not have ever goten engaged - so who knows, maybe one of your friends bf's will be inspired by attending your wedding.
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08-07-2006, 06:58 PM
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I think I'd have to invite them all... 
I can totally understand the issue of having people there that you don't know very well (or haven't even met as you've been traveling).
But you aren't going to have to sit down with these people for very long. Weddings are always really busy for the bride & groom, so the chances of you having to spend more than 15 mins with these partners isn't very high! But it means that your friends will have the option of sharing such a romantic occasion with the people they care about.
I'd have been devastated if Mo & I had been dating for 2 years & I didn't get an invite as his partner.  
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08-07-2006, 07:19 PM
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Etiquette is "significant others" should be invited. This includes wives, live-ins and long-term girlfriends or boyfriends. The hard part is deciding what you call "long-term". I have a friend where long-term to her is a month.
We invited all single guests with a guest of their choice, especially the women b/c they should have the option of being escorted. (This is according to my Scottish Grandmother through my Mom.)
Where I could, I got the names of their SO and included them on the invitation.
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08-08-2006, 12:38 AM
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Here is how we did it:
1. Anyone who was dating somebody, no matter for how long, the gf/bf got an invite. I didn't think it was for me to say who was really serious and who wasn't. Time does't always matter in love.
2. All spouses/fiances got invites, of course.
3. Anyone who would be there totally alone (they didn't know anyone else) got a "guest." We didn't want anyone feeling "alone" during the wedding. Plus that might make people not come at all.
4. Everyone else didn't get a guest.
HTH!
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11-14-2006, 03:15 AM
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I agree with those who said you should have a single person come with a guest if he/she wants. I went to a wedding once and I was not allowed a guest and I had a horrible time. i didn't know 3/4 of the people there and those I knew were married or with boyfriends! I was able to dance for a bit and it was with a 5 year old little girl!
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11-14-2006, 04:45 AM
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by labeadel
HTH!
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O/T, and I'm sure I'm being an idiot, but Amy saw this in another of your posts as well...what is HTH??
And, I agree, you need to invite the live-in BF and the 8-year BF. Both are definitely serious to be considered a couple!
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11-14-2006, 02:04 PM
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HTH = hope this helps, right? I have always assumed that is what it means.
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**Jill**
Happy Trails since JULY 29, 2007
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11-14-2006, 04:18 PM
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I have to agree with Julie on this one....and just to chime in with my two cents, if I received an invite to a friends wedding and it didn't include my SO, I probably wouldn't go.....as I would feel that they must not be that good of friend if they don't care enough to include them.
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11-14-2006, 04:49 PM
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I don't like this part of weddings...
Terrys son, who is 22, wants us to put "and guest" so he can find someone to bring.. oh please bring a complete stranger to a family only wedding...
My son, who is 19, has a new girlfriend and wants to bring her... I have met her a few times...
We are just have a ceremony and supper.. no dance ...
Average price for a meal is about $50...
oh well.. its only two...
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11-14-2006, 04:53 PM
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by more125
I agree with those who said you should have a single person come with a guest if he/she wants. I went to a wedding once and I was not allowed a guest and I had a horrible time. i didn't know 3/4 of the people there and those I knew were married or with boyfriends! I was able to dance for a bit and it was with a 5 year old little girl!
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We are inviting all couples, and putting 'and guest' on those who are not in a realationship for that reason.
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11-14-2006, 05:36 PM
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We're inviting anyone who wouldn't know anyone but me or DJ with a guest. Married, engaged and live ins also will obviously get an invite.
We don't really know regarding boyfriends/girlfriends yet, but I'm leaning towards 6 months to a year. Anything less than 6 months will not get an invite unless I or DJ knows them. DJ and I were serious within a month, but that was obvious from the get go to all of our friends. If I've never met the girlfriend or boyfriend, and I'm friends with the person, I would assume it's not a serious relationship.
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11-14-2006, 06:21 PM
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by birdie
HTH = hope this helps, right? I have always assumed that is what it means.
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Doh! Told you I was being an idiot! 
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