Invite to ceremony only

[m_t_rose]

I dont want this to get into a heated debate (I just read the opposite post about being invited to the reception only) but I was just wondering if it is considered acceptable to invite people to the ceremony only. I go to a pretty big church and I am doing a reading of banns instead of a marriage license so I have to announce the wedding date and time a few times in church. I dont want to invite my whole church to only the ceremony but I want to make it open so that whoever wants to go can. If I dont send out formal invitation to ceremony only would people still feel obligated to bring gifts becuase I don't want them to feel that way at all. I want them there becuase they have been a part of my life growing up and witnessed a lot of other important times (my dedication). What would be the rules on this?

[Heather]

I saw this thread title and cringed, lol...

It's not okay to invite people to the ceremony only. With that said, it sounds like it's a common occurrance at your church for people to attend whether they're formally invited or not. Is that the case? If it is, I think people will know they're not expected to bring a gift.

I have heard on here of people attending churches like this, and the couple doing a brief cake and punch reception somewhere in the church before the actual reception. Of course the arguement there is how do you tactfully have only some of those people attend the reception?

I would send normal invites to those invited to both the ceremony and reception and leave it at that.

I guess I'm not much help. Sorry!

[syringa]

If it is customary at your church to invite the entire congregation to the ceremony you should also have some type of a reception where you can greet the guests and they can greet you. You have three choices with the reception: 1. You can limit it to a cake and punch reception for everyone (this is the least expensive and most managable reception)
2. You can invite everyone to a more formal reception with dinner and possibly dancing if your church approves of it (this is the most expensive option)
3. As Heather mentioned, you can have a short cake and punch reception following the ceremony for all of the guests then invite family and friends to join you at another location for a more formal reception with food and perhaps dancing. Doing this allows you to meet all of your social obligations and still celebrate with those closest to you.

[555Ann555]

Can I just add...

In my area it is pretty common for members of the congregation to go to wedding ceremonies without an official invitation. Because it is God's house it's taken that everyone is welcome at all times. So no one would need an actually invite unless they were going to the reception...

It's almost as if there is a standing invite to the whole community.

Having said that, it tends to be distant family friends & old ladies of the parish who go to all the weddings!

But I went to a wedding yesterday, although my formal invite was just for the reception. (It's totally normal over here to invite certain people at night & certain people for the whole wedding)

I wanted to grab a couple of photos of the B&G so I could print them out & give them to them at the reception... They loved the surprise of having wedding photos already!

So my take on it would be: The members of your church should know that there is a standing invite, because it is God's house & you can't possibly say who is allowed inside. So there is no need to actually invite the people that you don't want to attend the reception.

How is it normally handled in your church post-wedding? Is there normally any sort of reception, or do people who aren't invited just go on their way? (we never have anything laid on for the people who just wanted to witness the ceremony without being invited)

[m_t_rose]

I am not sure what they do after weddings but because we are doing a reading of banns you have to announce it in church so I guess I wouldn't invite anyone formally who were just going to the ceremony. I wonder if I could do a lunch following church the next day?? Would that be acceptable we are having our ceremony really close to the reception so I dont think there would be much time that day.

[AshyBekka]

I agree with what some of the other girls are saying-I don't think you should formally invite anyone to the ceremony that you are not inviting to the reception. If you're fairly certain that people will sort of just show up, then that's fine-I know there are a lot of older ladies and retirees at my dad's church that just like going to wedding ceremonies for fun on weekends, but beyond that, I wouldn't "officially" invite them to do so if you're not planning on having anything immediately after to celebrate with those people.

[Complicated Woman]

Do you have a worship bulletin or community life handout? Have the administrator or whomever place a blurb in there announcing the wedding ceremony time with a small line that says "Those who wish to view the ceremony are welcome to attend."

It IS acceptable, etiquette wise, to unofficially open your wedding ceremony to church members in this circumstance. It is not acceptable to send them formal invitations through the mail to just the ceremony.

[m_t_rose]

We have a bulletin that is given out every week so make we will just put a small note in there. Thanks for all the suggestions

[labeadel]

Great advice CW!! I'll keep that in mind for the next time this comes up.

[Complicated Woman]

Awww, shucks.