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kjb2b · #1 08-02-2006, 02:47 PM

I'm still relatively new here, but I think I can trust you ladies to give me some honest opinions.

I've been thinking a lot lately about who I am going to ask to be my bridesmaids. My situation here is kind of complicated ... Later this month I will be moving into an apartment with my older sister and two of our friends.

Friend #1 is rather fickle; she gets mad easily and forgives easily, and she's also quite the hypocrite at times. We had a fight this past year that we're supposedly "over" but I just can't forgive/forget because she never changes even when she says she will.

So I'm not sure how close we really are. Also, Friend #1 already assumes she'll be in my wedding ... the second thing she said to me after "congrats" was "what color will my dress be?" She's just ... well, she doesn't act like a "grown-up" yet (she's 20, junior in college, etc.).

Friend #2 was my roommate last year. I have known her a little longer than I've known Friend #1, we're closer in age, and we usually get along great. I just know that if I have reservations about asking Friend #1, I won't ask Friend #2 since those two are way closer than I am with either of them.

As for my sister ... we don't get along. She's super sensitive yet uber insensitive with the feelings of others.

She never ever agrees with a single word I say, constantly saying that what I like is stupid, and I have a hard time believing that she would go along with anything for the wedding without complaining and saying that everything sucks.

Ok, so those are people that more or less assume they will be in the wedding, and I really don't want to ask them. My mom says I have to ask my sister or she will feel hurt. I know that if I even ask her to wear a dress in a color she doesn't like that she'll feel hurt. Ugh.

And the people that I really want to ask? A couple friends that I've known since 2nd/7th grades, and my roommate from my first two years of college. Girls that I've managed to stay friends with forever, had only minor fights with, and that truly know how happy I am to be getting married. I guess I may have just decided who I'm asking just be writing this

I guess I'm still unsure about the sister ...

And I forgot to mention that Friend #1 is currently involved in her cousin's wedding, and all she does is complain about having to do whatever her cousin asks her to do and all of the decisions that were made regarding what she wears and has to do. I would think that if you wanted to be in someone's wedding, you wouldn't complain to them about how much you hated it ...

Lizbet · #2 08-02-2006, 02:59 PM

You said your sis is ultra sensitive, so I don't know if this will work. But, could you ask her to do something besides be a BM? Perhaps she could do a reading during the ceremony, or be your "go to" person the day of the wedding.

I think you're making the right choice with picking the friends with whom you get along and in whom you feel you can trust to be at your side for your special day. I hope it doesn't cause too much friction in your living situation.

wembley · #3 08-02-2006, 03:06 PM

An unrelated question, but how how do you get along with friend 1 and 2 and the sister on a day to day basis? It sounds like there is some stress there and then you said you're going to move in with them. That might make the decision for you right there. Maybe you'll grow closer to them and know they are the one. If you don't think they are the ones that would make you the most happy to stand up with you, then don't ask them. Just because your mom wants you to ask your sister, doesn't even mean that your sister wants to stand up for you. Are there any other smaller tasks that you can ask the girls to do so they are still involved but not standing up front with you?

kjb2b · #4 08-02-2006, 03:12 PM

Oh there is definitely some stress there, maybe not every day, but we haven't all lived together yet. I was apprehensive about living together before signing the lease, but I didn't really have other options. Plus we're all in school, three of us graduating this year, and I'll be spending most if not all of weekends with FH, so I'm assuming we won't be around the apt. at the same time too much anyway.

And I was thinking that I could ask friend #1 to take our engagement photos, since she's great with photography, and I would definitely ask my sister and friend #2 to help with other stuff. I just don't think that I want them all involved in the most important decisions, and I doubt I could handle all of the drama/stress that would ensue if they were in the bridal party. Unless the two of them magically grow up in the next few months ...

kjb2b · #5 08-02-2006, 03:16 PM

Ooh, plus my sister is a music major, perhaps she could play her flute or something in the ceremony ...

Lizbet · #6 08-02-2006, 03:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kjb2b

Ooh, plus my sister is a music major, perhaps she could play her flute or something in the ceremony ...

That's a great idea!!!

kjb2b · #7 08-02-2006, 04:27 PM

And this is a little unrelated, but adds to my frustration with my sister ... so you know how I don't have "the ring" yet, but just a little something to keep the finger warm for now? When I saw my sister yesterday, the first thing she said to me was "do you have the real thing yet?"

If she can't understand that I don't need (nor expect) an expensive diamond on my hand to know that FH loves me, how can I possibly expect her to understand my wants/needs enough to help plan my wedding?

Complicated Woman · #8 08-02-2006, 08:49 PM

You know, I really wouldn't ask anyone for a while, since you haven't set a date yet and are planning a wedding that's 2 years down the line. I can see your dilemma, but some of it may solve itself with time.

Good luck!

Kim&Bob2004 · #9 08-02-2006, 08:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kjb2b

Ooh, plus my sister is a music major, perhaps she could play her flute or something in the ceremony ...

I think this would be a WONDERFUL solution! In the program she would even get her own "billing".

I also agree with CW. You could wait for all the details until you are 9-12 months away from your wedding date.

labeadel · #10 08-02-2006, 11:25 PM

I would wait awhile, but if you HAD to decide now, here's what I would suggest.

I think that you should ask your sister. I know she's drama, but she's family, and that's more important than anything (IMO). I would sit her down and ask her to be in the wedding, but then follow it with and "I really need you to be supportive. I don't need any nitpicking, etc for these next ___months." I'm a very open person, so I can do this with my family. If you can't, then I would figure something else out. But I would definitely call her on it if you can. Then hopefully she'll behave more appropriately.

I wouldn't ask either friend #1 or #2. Sounds like you're ONLY considering it b/c you live with them. If you didn't, would they even be on your radar? I'm assuming no. So, don't ask either and then neither of their feelings would get hurt. Go with the girls you've known longer and are better friends with.

If there is one complaint that I hear from my girlfriends who are married is that they chose someone they shouldn't have to be a BM, and that if they could change it, they would. I thankfully, will NEVER feel that way. Hopefully you won't either.

whiddle · #11 08-03-2006, 03:05 AM

I would also wait ahile.....at least until you set a date.

BUT, I would ask the sister ( and give her the choice BM or flute player). If she wants to be a BM, just let her know, this is the color dress. If she's a flute player, she could wear just about any complimentary color.

I would NOT ask friend #1 or #2. If anything, I'd give them small "special" roles to keep the peace like handing out programs and stuff like that. That way, they are kind of in the BP but not really.

I would ask the girls that you have known since elem school if that's what you want.