Is this wrong of me? - The PASH Wedding Forums and Message Boards

ljeagle · #1 07-27-2006, 04:03 AM

Ok a cousin of mine has ask me to be her MOH in her wedding. Well she RSVP to mine and never showed up or even called to say she couldn't make it. I've tried to call a few times but it seems the only way I can get a hold of her is email. She emailed me today and sent me a link to the dress she has picked out for us.

Hello I'm not small!
http://www.davidsbridal.com/bridesma...&prodgroup=110
There is no way I can wear or would wear this dress. My fat would hang out every where! So is it wrong to email her back and tell her my fat wouldn't fit in the dress.

It comes in my size but there is no way I can get small enough b-4 the wedding to wear a dress like this.

kenzies_mama · #2 07-27-2006, 04:09 AM

Ok I know it's her wedding but your the MOH and yes I think you should say something because it's not fair of her to expect you to wear something you'd be extremely uncomfortable wearing. I know as bride I have taken in to consideration the opinions of my BM as I'm sure most brides do. Also has she made any mention as to why she didn't attend your wedding yet?

ljeagle · #3 07-27-2006, 04:11 AM

No she hasn't said a word about not coming to the wedding. I have ask her a few times in the emails I've sent her and she just never answers that part of the letter. We are not close and haven't been for a few years. I don't have no clue why she would even ask me to be in the wedding.

Complicated Woman · #4 07-27-2006, 04:12 AM

I'd not do it based solely on the fact that she didn't show up at your wedding...but that's just me.

I actually don't think the dress will be as bad as you're imagining. That's not something that screams "skinny chick" to me. The rouching is really slimming and the a-line style looks pretty flattering, IMO. I think you'd be surprised at how pretty it would look on you.

kenzies_mama · #5 07-27-2006, 04:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ljeagle

No she hasn't said a word about not coming to the wedding. I have ask her a few times in the emails I've sent her and she just never answers that part of the letter. We are not close and haven't been for a few years. I don't have no clue why she would even ask me to be in the wedding.

It does seem odd she asked you to be her MOH since your not close. And it's also strange she's not even explaining her absence at your wedding. I'm with CW I'm not sure I'd do this at all.

Edited because I'm a idiot and said I wasn't with CW when I was.

ljeagle · #6 07-27-2006, 04:18 AM

If you click on the red it shows it better. I just think it would show my belly really bad and show my big fat role on the sides.

kenzies_mama · #7 07-27-2006, 04:19 AM

I think it would depend on the actual weight of the fabric which is hard to read in a picture of the dress on a model.

SuzyBride · #8 07-27-2006, 06:31 AM

I actually think the dress might be more flattering than what you might be expecting. I do think it's odd that she has asked you to be MOH but didn't even bother to show up at your wedding!

Sh@ks18 · #9 07-27-2006, 06:54 AM

Speaking from a "rolly body types" point of view, if it hadnt been for the side sweeping part of the dress, i'd say no way! You should try the dress, those wrinkly folds might actually help mask imperfect bodies. Believe me i know how you feel. Lately all my weight gain has gone to my belly

Heather · #10 07-27-2006, 01:37 PM

I think the dress is beautiful too. I had a woman in my wedding who was a size 16 or 18 (can't remember) and she looked as beautiful as the women who were in a 6 and 8.

As for actually being in the wedding, I would probably have to decline. If she just didn't show without any explanation, I would be offended, especially if she then asked me to be her MOH, lol. I would tell her you're too busy but that you're flattered she thought of you.

Lizbet · #11 07-27-2006, 02:44 PM

Did you already agree to be her MOH? If you haven't agreed yet, I would go with Heather's response. IMO if you have already said yes, you should try on the dress before telling her you'd prefer if she picked a different one.

feb-bride · #12 07-27-2006, 04:08 PM

I think it's a bit nervy of her to expect you to take on a role like MOH when she didn't even bother attending your wedding (or at least giving an explanation as to why she RSVP'd that she'd be there and then not showing up).

If you do decide to be her MOH, I would try on the dress before you assume that you won't look good in it. You'd be surprised at how things look when you actually try them on.

PlanetClaire · #13 07-27-2006, 06:22 PM

Tell her you are honoured but something has come up that means that you can't be in her party/attend wedding...whichever.

That's pretty nervy indeed of her to do that!!!!

And being a BBB myself (LOL!) that dress, except for it being sleeveless, looks like it would mask any rolls and so on. It's a great dress actually. Like many have said before me, if you do plan to do it, go try it on. You may be pleasantly surprised!

Kim&Bob2004 · #14 07-27-2006, 09:06 PM

Lesley, I agree with the others.

I also agree that you may look stunning in the dress! You are a lovely person, and the dress looks like it could (in the right color too) be very becoming for you. I wouldn't like it cause it was sleveless.......

michaelsbride · #15 07-27-2006, 09:54 PM

maybe you could suggest a pashmina shawl or something that could cover your shoulders/arms if you really dont feel comfy but i agree with the others that the dress would probably look incredible on you.

labeadel · #16 07-27-2006, 11:47 PM

I'm coming into this late, but even before I read the other responses my thought was, "at least try the dress on before discounting it." You never know.

As for actually being in the wedding, I wouldn't do it. But that's just me. I don't know if that was actually part of the post, but I'm just tellin ya anyway!

ljeagle · #17 07-28-2006, 02:08 AM

No I haven't told her I would be in the wedding. After work I had a few min b-4 I had to go to dinner with Kenny so I stoped by a bridal shop. When I showed the lady the picture of the dress. She ask me what I thought of the dress and I told her what I thought. Well they had a dress a lot like this one and it was a size bigger then what i would need. There would be no way I would wear it. It shows every inch of fat on me this dress shapes out my fat.
I think I'm just going to email her and explain that its nice of her to ask me but I don't feel like I can be what she is looking for. I'm going to go in to tell her why I choose not to be in the wedding. The dress I don't think is my main point cause if I really wanted to be in the wedding I would explain to her that the dress wouldn't work for me. We use to be really good friends and we just different ways. I think it was more cause she owed me a lot of money. She use to live in a place I owned and stoped paying the rent for 4 months. I under stood and since she was a good friend and cousin I wouldn't kick her out. So I haven't really talked much to her since she just moved out and never told me. So I think the best thing to do is just tell her I'm not feeling like I could do what she needs.

Lizbet · #18 07-28-2006, 02:27 PM

I think you're making the right choice.

Complicated Woman · #19 07-28-2006, 02:59 PM

I know this has nothing to do with your situation, but I just have to say it: I don't think you should feel like you need to hide your body.

If you really feel uncomfortable, of course you shouldn't wear something like that, but I just feel like you're young, you're cute, and you look how you look. So what if you have some fat rolls? So do most of the women in America! I don't think we should have to be stick thin just to wear something form fitting. Your curves are beautiful!

I'll just bet a million dollars (which is easy to do when you don't have a million dollars) that you looked gorgeous in that dress.

Ok, I'm off my little body image soap box...

...sorry! I do think it's the right choice not to be in that wedding.

clairon13 · #20 07-28-2006, 05:51 PM

to piggyback off CW for a second, my sis is probably a 22-24 and she wore a dress like that one recently.... and i thought she looked awesome! yes, it did show some belly curves, but i really thought she looked great--mind you, she TOTALLY has the chest to show off (and knows it!! lol) so maybe everyone else was just looking there and didn't notice anything else anyway!!

that being said, i think you probably would've looked awesome in it too.
however, off the dress since it's a non-issue anyway, i think it is the right thing to not be in her wedding... do you think you will attend, or probably not? just curious.

ljeagle · #21 07-28-2006, 11:03 PM

I say I don't even go to the wedding it's a few hours away and I know how I will feel if I do go. If she can't even take 2 min to email me or call me about my wedding then why should i take out a day of my time to go to hers. I know that might sound mean but its just how I feel. I might of went if it was in town but she is getting married where her fh parents lives.

As far as the dress goes I wish I had my camera girls. You all would of rolled! I'm telling you the dress fit right to my body and it showed how big my belly really is. I do wear tight stuff that shows my body but nothing like that. If i have the time I might go back up net week and take a picture of it.

feb-bride · #22 07-28-2006, 11:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ljeagle

I say I don't even go to the wedding it's a few hours away and I know how I will feel if I do go. If she can't even take 2 min to email me or call me about my wedding then why should i take out a day of my time to go to hers. I know that might sound mean but its just how I feel. I might of went if it was in town but she is getting married where her fh parents lives.

No, this is not mean. This is called sticking up for yourself. You are not allowing yourself to be her doormat, and I think that's great.

PlanetClaire · #23 07-28-2006, 11:37 PM

Good girl! Nothing wrong with putting yourself first!! I bet the dress looked nowhere as bad as you said!!