Long Lost Relative Invitations

[Seraph7737]

Hello,

I was hoping you could give me some insight into which relatives it is necessary to invite. My wedding will be held in Idaho, and the relatives in question all reside in Pennsylvania. These are my grandfather's (who has passed away) brothers and sisters. My mother thinks it is protocol to invite them, however I feel as though it is a double edged sword situation. If I *do invite them, both of us know that they probably will not attend; therefore does it appear as though I am inviting them simply to receive a gift? Then if I do not invite them do I appear rude and will my mother have to answer for it at the next family reunion? I can almost guarantee these people will not attend and the cost of sending out 8-10 more invitations won't hurt. I simply don't wish to appear as though I'm fishing for gifts.

Any advise you can give would be greatly appreciated!
Thank you!
-Stephanie

[Sharon Naylor]

Hello Stephanie:

Definitely invite them. Many brides mistakenly believe that sending an invitation looks like 'fishing for gifts,' when in reality giving a gift is always the guest's choice. Faraway relatives you don't expect to attend are touched and honored that you thought of them, and they know they don't *have* to send a gift but many do out of the goodness of their hearts. Or they'll just send a note of congratulations. They just love being included, and I've yet to hear from anyone in over 15 years of wedding counseling who got offended at receiving an invitation when the couple knew they couldn't come. People tend to get offended if you make the decision for them, that they can't come, and leave them off the invitations list. THAT I've heard plenty of.

And don't forget that many faraway, distant relatives do decide to attend. It's something adventurous for them, a chance to re-connect with family, so you may be surprised with Yes answers -- which is why I've always advised couples not to send invitations to faraway relatives thinking they won't attend, just to be polite.

It would be a much bigger etiquette mistake to leave them off the list, so my answer is to go ahead and send the invitations out. You might get a note that makes your day.

Sharon

[SuzyBride]

I had this question too when I was planning. My grandmothers sister has 6 kids, all with families. I wasn't sure if I should send invites to them for the same reason, I didn't want to look like I just wanted gifts. But majority of them actually came to the wedding!! Of course I was thrilled and they had a great time visiting with family they hadn't seen in years. You might be surprised! Mine came to Arkansas from Raleigh, NC, San Antonio, TX, New Orleans, LA, Destin, FL... I didn't really expect any of them!!! I was basically sending the invite as a courtesy! So don't be shocked if they show up!

[Seraph7737]

Thank you for the advice.

I feel sort of guilty hoping that not everyone show up. I guess my follow up question would be how do I handle a tight budget and concerns that I may not be able to *afford the reception I'm hoping for if all 75 guests were to show up. Right now I have stars next to guests that I know will probably come and question marks next to those that might- I'm looking at about 45 people coming if they all bring a guest. Would it be rude to omit those Uncle Dennis + 1's if I'm concerned about the numbers? Being that I'm in Boise, Idaho I'm also having trouble finding a reception site that I can afford that will accommodate more than 50 people. (i.e. I've find a few nice restaurants that would work and save me the cost of paying a seperate fee to rent a facility AND a caterer, but their capacity is 50 ppl)

Does anyone have any suggestions?

Thanks!
-Stephanie

[Lizbet]

IMO, if you don't have a name of a specific SO they would want to bring, it is fine to omit the +1. However, if Uncle Dennis has been in a serious relationship with the same person for the last year, she should be invited. And, you should put her name on the invite, not "+1".