| Sharon Naylor Sharon Naylor, author of 29 wedding books, answers your wedding-related questions. |
07-19-2006, 06:44 PM
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Others stealing your thunder
Imagine...It's your wedding, but your bridesmaid announces her engagement at your reception, your parents want to give their friends a spotlight dance for their 20th wedding anniversary, your sister wants your rehearsal dinner to be her birthday party too...
How do you all feel about this kind of thing? Is it 'stealing your thunder' or adding more celebration to the day?
At my wedding, we knew a certain someone was just dying to take the microphone and make a big announcement, so we told the deejay that all requests for speeches or tributes had to be cleared through us first. Worked out perfectly because she knew we'd say no, as we'd turned her down earlier.
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07-19-2006, 06:49 PM
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I'd be furious!  I'd probably be a bit ashamed of feeling that way, but I still would!
Your wedding day goes speeding by so quickly that you have to grab every minute, and to have someone else steal the attention  It's just not on.
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07-19-2006, 06:54 PM
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My "uncle" John's birthday is our Anniversary, we announced it in our program but nothing else was made of it.
If someone had wanted to announce an engagement or even the expected birth of a child, I would have been uneasy. I don't know that I would have been furious, but I would have felt like our wedding was not the place for that. That it was a celebration of Bob and I and our love for each other. It's like being born near Christmas and always sharing your birthday with Christmas, you never really feel like it's just your birthday as a child......
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07-19-2006, 06:58 PM
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I guess it's hard for me to say since none of that happened at my wedding, bit if someone proposed, for example, I'd probably feel honored that my wedding was the setting for someone else's engagement.
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07-19-2006, 07:18 PM
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I really think it would depend on the relationship with the person who wanted to make the announcement/have the special notice. And, whether it was cleared in advance with the Bride and Groom, spur of the moment, or planned by the announcee but not the wedding couple. I can't give a direct answer, because for me there are too many variables to consider.
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07-19-2006, 07:21 PM
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DH and I had gotten engaged a little less than a month before my brother's wedding and I felt bad because people kept asking about us and focusing on that. I tried really hard not to take focus off of them. I think I did a pretty good job.
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07-19-2006, 08:29 PM
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I would say it depends on who it is. I think the only person that i would allow to make any announcements or special events would be my brother. Anyone else, I would think it innapropriate. Aunts, uncles, cousins, friends, should make announcements on their own time.
Since my brothers already married, the only thing he would have to announce is a baby and that i would probably be okay with him announcing at my wedding. With my approval ofcourse
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07-19-2006, 10:00 PM
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I gave this some more thought...
I guess, like Shaks said, it would depend who it was. And it would depend on the circumstances.
If it was a friend, or a family member who wasn't so close to us then I've be peeved... But if our BMan had wanted to ask our MOH to marry him (they have a child together) then I would have loved that! Then again, they were part of our wedding anyway...
I'm trying to think what else I'd be OK with. If one of Mo's siblings wanted to announce they were pregnant I'd probably be OK as long as they had discussed it with us first...
I guess what it comes down to is whether it'd be news that I'd be really happy to hear! If it was close family & friends with wonderful news then I'd probably share alright...
My first response to this was anger because I was picturing someone purposfully "stealing" something from our day. But if it was someone we loved then I guess they'd just be adding to the happiness of the day.
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07-19-2006, 10:01 PM
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I would want to know about the announcement ahead of time and it would also depend on WHO it was... for me, I'm getting married on the anniversary of when my step mom adopted me. Rather than make it a big deal ON THAT DAY in front of everyone, I'm choosing to thank her for everything shes taken on over the years to be my "mom" in addition to the normal rehearsal dinner events. I just want her to be my mom and not celebrate her having adopted me on my wedding day, KWIM?
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07-19-2006, 10:02 PM
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by michaelsbride
I just want her to be my mom and not celebrate her having adopted me on my wedding day, KWIM?
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Yeah, I totally understand. 
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07-19-2006, 10:51 PM
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Ok so even if it was one of my sister's I think I'd be pretty peeved. But if I knew ahead of time and thought about it I might be ok with it.
However the dance for the anniversary thing might happen at mine. I planned the wedding on that of my aunt and uncle, I had several things booked before anyone pointed this out and so if they come I'm considering doing something special because it's their day too. I was also the flowergirl in their wedding, so I think to have the two connnected would be nice.
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07-19-2006, 10:58 PM
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Maybe you could give your Aunt a bouquet? It'd show you remember being her FG 
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07-19-2006, 11:05 PM
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I really don't think i'd have a problem with it. Our wedding day is also our friends 30th birthday so we are getting her a cake and annnouncing it at our reception. Just to make her feel special! Any announcements anyone wants to make are fine with me. No one is invited to our wedding that isn't close or special to us, so I guess that's why it isn't a problem for me.
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07-19-2006, 11:47 PM
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I had actually intended to "share" our spotlight at the reception with my parents. Their anniversary was June 13th, we got married on the 17th. However, this year was their 25th, so it was a big year. But with the wedding going on, I couldn't afford or have the time to plan a separate party for them. And I dunno why anybody else didn't do it. (Probably didn't think of it.) So....I was going to decorate their table with 25h ann. stuff and have a special dance for them. It would have been cute....but alas, time, and money both ran out and we didn't get to do it.
So long story short, my response is that since that was my parents, I was ok with it. Anyone else....I'd probably be a little peeved. Or like some of you have said, if it was cleared first, then maybe it'd be ok.
(It was bad enough that both moms and a SIL wore cream to the wedding. Margie noticed that right off when she saw the pictures.  )
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07-19-2006, 11:54 PM
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by sparklesweetie
(It was bad enough that both moms and a SIL wore cream to the wedding. Margie noticed that right off when she saw the pictures. ) |
I had said something to michael too... (thus why i asked you who the skinny lady in the cream dress was)
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07-20-2006, 12:01 AM
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We announced matt's uncle's wedding anny. we shared thier 60th wedding anny with them. I don't feel it stole our thunder, but itwas also planned. If my brother would have announced his engagement that day instead of 2 weeks later I would have screamed.
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07-20-2006, 12:08 AM
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by deputysgurl
If my brother would have announced his engagement that day instead of 2 weeks later I would have screamed.
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07-20-2006, 12:18 AM
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by deputysgurl
We announced matt's uncle's wedding anny. we shared thier 60th wedding anny with them. I don't feel it stole our thunder, but itwas also planned. If my brother would have announced his engagement that day instead of 2 weeks later I would have screamed.
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Ditto!
Maybe I look at it different because I happen to have been a child born near Christmas and always had to deal with my birthday taking second place to all the other holiday celebrations. Anyone with a nearly Christmas birthday can give you stories.......
I attended a wedding less than a month before ours and everyone that hadn't seen me in a while was talking about our wedding. I kept wondering why people would be so rude as to talk about my wedding at someone else's wedding. 
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07-20-2006, 01:23 AM
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For me it would depend on who it was and what they wanted to announce at my reception. We did have two single people meet at our wedding and they're now engaged so I love that, but I'm not sure I would have wanted anyone to propose during my reception. I think announcing anniversaries would be incredibly sweet, but that's probably where I would draw the line.
Kim that sort of happened to me at a friend's wedding, after our wedding. The Bride & Groom didn't plan appropriately for food and the food that was there was kind of awful. Everyone who had been at my wedding came up to me and kept saying they wished they were back at mine. I was flattered but felt terrible and kept having to say "Shhhh!"
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07-20-2006, 02:33 AM
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Yeah, so my thunder was totally stolen! I got engaged on Dec 23 2004. My best friend/roommate got engaged like the next week. We picked our date to be July 23 2005.. within a month of us choosing our date she chose hers.. for July 9 2005! Just TWO WEEKS before mine! My MIL was furious and still won't talk to her! I am pretty laid back though, so I didn't say anything and was over it in about a week. But I was MOH in her wedding and she was a BM in mine so it made everything extremely hectic! She had her showers in May, I had mine in June. (we normally have multiple showers) The first weekend in July was her bachelorette party, the second her wedding, the third my bachelorette party, the fourth my wedding... Yeah, hectic!
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07-20-2006, 04:17 AM
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Suzy, my friends BM did the same thing. She got engaged two months after my friend asked her to be in her wedding and then planned a ceremony to take place two weeks before my friends wedding. That is so lousy.
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07-20-2006, 11:20 AM
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Ummm... That kind of happened in Moreno's family!
His twin sis had been engaged for a couple of years & was going to be the first in the family to be married, so they were planning this big white wedding...
The plans were naerly all in place when the brother announced that he was just engaged & the wedding would be the month before Mo's twins
Needless to say the twin was not chuffed. (ETA: Part of the problem was family who were supposed to be coming over from Italy for her wedding just came over for the brother's, they couldn't afford to go to both. She felt a bit like the bro had "stolen" her guests  )
Funnilly enough Mo's mum doesn't count that wedding if you talk about marriages in the family!  I think it was partly because it seemed so underhanded, and partly because it was a civil marriage ceremony, (because the bride was divorce & the Chapel wouldn't marry them).
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Typing that out I feel a bit sorry for the bride. She probably had no idea how manipulative the groom was being, and it must hurt to have your MIL not really count your marriage  She does still display their wedding photo...
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07-20-2006, 12:45 PM
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by Sharon Naylor
speeches or tributes had to be cleared through us first.
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I think that is a great idea!
My FH's 45th birthday is the day after our wedding and so I didn't want our wedding to overshadow his special day either. I have arranged a surprise for him which will take place at the reception - a barbershop quartet is to come in and sing Happy Birthday to him and stay on to entertain us a bit longer.
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07-20-2006, 04:13 PM
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I wouldn't be furious per se, but I do think it's rude when people use someone else's wedding to announce their own plans.
Quote:
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Originally Posted by Kim&Bob2004
It's like being born near Christmas and always sharing your birthday with Christmas, you never really feel like it's just your birthday as a child......
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Kim - You could not have expressed my thoughts any better.
My birthday is on Christmas Eve, and even though I had a party each year (as a child), it always felt like an afterthought type of celebration. Now that I'm an adult with kids, my birthday is never truly celebrated. Sure, I get a few gifts, but I was the ONLY one of my cousins who didn't get a party for my 21st or 30th birthdays because everyone was too busy with Christmas.
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Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn.
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07-20-2006, 04:16 PM
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I got engaged to my husband less than a week before one of my cousins got married. I'd been with my husband for YEARS and we already had kids together, but I didn't tell anyone that we were engaged until AFTER her wedding. In fact, I didn't even wear my engagement ring until after the wedding because I didn't want to take away from my cousin's wedding day.
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Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn.
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