Thoughts on substitute for presents - The PASH Wedding Forums and Message Boards

Clarity · #1 07-10-2006, 08:37 PM

Since DF and I both are well established in our thirties we both have our families and our households set up. Basically, we really don't NEED household presents and lord knows I have more photo albums and picture frames than a old granny. (People tend to give you these when you have 3 kids)lol

My mom came up with an interesting idea, I wanted to get your thoughts on it. Here it goes: instead of gifts have the reception be a Pot Luck w/ the gift being the container be it ceramic or Gladware (my personal fave). This would also help with feeding his larger family and our friends. I am not sure what my thoughts are on this. I don't know how I would feel being invited to a wedding with this but I really hate for anyone to waste alot of money on needless gifts. My other thought was to have donations made to the "Build bedrooms" fund. lol that's a joke BTW

So what are your thoughts on the pot luck idea? any other creative ideas are welcome

clairon13 · #2 07-10-2006, 08:58 PM

catherine, i'm not sure what i remember correctly about your wedding plans to date, but certainly if you were going to have an informal, say outside, or "country" style reception, i think a potluck sounds fun and economical, w/ the dishes being a great gift. i'm a cook, so had i recieved more kitchen things, that would have been just fine by me! besides, you could end up w/ some really nice crockery. that being said, if you're not wanting to have that down-home kind of reception, or if you just don't feel comfy asking for potluck, then perhaps there is a way you could specify that all you'd prefer are kitchen items? then, you'd probably get some stuff you didn't want, but could potentially exchange it for what you did... or be specific in your registry. i know that's not a great suggestion, but it's all i can think if for now!

Heather · #3 07-10-2006, 08:58 PM

Unless it's ONLY immediate family (brothers/sisters, aunts/uncles, mom/dad), I would not hold a pot-luck reception. It's very against etiquette to invite guests to an event and expect them to bring their own food.

I understand your idea of receiving the bowls/pans after, but you shouldn't expect a gift, and then to tell people what to bring is even worse.

The purpose of the registry is to receive items that you want or need. Most people are going to bring gift and you want it to be something you pick out.

There isn't really anything you can do, except having your BP and/or Mom spread by word of mouth that you don't really need any household items. To ask for cash or gift cards is extremely tacky so you don't want to go that route either.

ETA: Catherine I didn't mean to sound so bitchy in this post, I'm sorry! I was posting quickly as I've had a crazy day at work. I don't want you to think that I believe you're tacky, and as Ann said, some things are common in some areas and others not. In my area it is tacky and against etiquette but if it's fine/common in your region, go for it. I have seen it done for showers but not receptions.

555Ann555 · #4 07-10-2006, 10:25 PM

I would definitely make a registry if items that would be welcome. Even things that you already have but wouldn't mind upgrading. Like all your kitchen paraphernalia, or new bedding for all (what 10???) beds?

There are things that you could get that would be more useful, but of course you wil end up with the things you don't need too, but then that would probably have happened at a pot luck reception too! Those peopole would probably have given you another gift anyway.

I know in some areas it is consided fine to have pot luck receptions, and I can understand why you'd consider it, but unless it is really common in your area I don't think I'd do it.

labeadel · #5 07-10-2006, 10:42 PM

I am going to suggest registering also. There have to be some things that you guys would like new versions of, like towels, sheets, comforters, kitchen utensils, kitchen gadgets... The then only register for things you want and put gift cards on the registry as well. Most places I think will do that. Then you'll be able to take your time after the wedding to only buy things that you want.

I must say, if there is really nothing that you "want" from Target, Crate and Barrel, or Bed Bath and Beyond, then you should feel very blessed. There is tons of stuff that I always want!!!

Clarity · #6 07-10-2006, 11:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Heather

ETA: Catherine I didn't mean to sound so bitchy in this post, I'm sorry! I was posting quickly as I've had a crazy day at work. I don't want you to think that I believe you're tacky, and as Ann said, some things are common in some areas and others not. In my area it is tacky and against etiquette but if it's fine/common in your region, go for it. I have seen it done for showers but not receptions.

I didn't take it harsh at all.

This was my mother's idea and I really don't know how I feel about it. Personally, I find it rude but my mother was invited to a wedding this weekend that was potluck and they did the keep the dishes thing. Our wedding plans are semi-casual (i call it that because it's more casual than formal

) BUT even I find it a little harsh to ask people to BYOB or BYOF in this case. But I do know I have a habit of being anal about some things. My mother tells me I'm too uptight and controlling...mmm who made me that way??? lol

I do like your idea Ann of the linens and I hope we're not up to 10...but you know, someone could sneak a couple in and it would be a day or two before we caught on.

But linens would be an awesome idea. This only came up because my mother went to the wedding and she has been going on and on about it. I wanted the reception to be downhome cooking but not for people to bring it themselves.

555Ann555 · #7 07-11-2006, 12:49 AM

Why don't you have a look online at one of the big department stores, (or I hear target is great) and see what you might fancy? I'm be able to fill a whole other house with things I'd still like! And like Labeadel said, a lot of the stores let you add gift cards so if you'd like something big (like a new washing machine) that would be too expensive to ask one person to buy you can put the vouchers together for it

Plus people would be aware of which stores you'd like GCs for rather than you ending up for $20 for 10 different stores

syringa · #8 08-30-2006, 09:51 PM

I can see having a shower and asking guests to bring their favorite recipe and the container it is made in/served in, etc., but I wouldn't do it for the reception. I agree with the others - surely there are some things that you can register for.

Julz518 · #9 08-30-2006, 10:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gertielou

My other thought was to have donations made to the "Build bedrooms" fund

Are you building the bedrooms yourself? How about registering at Home Depot or Lowes?? If there isn't much you can register for, then people may be inclined to get you gift cards...

As for the pot luck idea, I personally wouldn't want it... b/c YOU will be stuck with all the leftovers and with cleaning all those dishes after your wedding! I do think it's creative - maybe you could do it for your shower? It just doesn't seem to fit in with the "pamper the bride" spirit of a wedding

wynelle · #10 08-31-2006, 01:24 AM

Who is going to wash all the dirty containers? And if you really don't need anything, then you don't need 30 dirty Pyrex baking pans. If you did, then you would register for them at Target.

at my own sense of humor... never mind, we're having a hurricane.

I second the registry at Lowes or Home Depot. A shop vac, 10 square feet of carpet and mat, two boxes of tiles for the new bathroom--- lots of good things to register for...

whiddle · #11 08-31-2006, 01:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wynelle

Who is going to wash all the dirty containers? And if you really don't need anything, then you don't need 30 dirty Pyrex baking pans. If you did, then you would register for them at Target.

at my own sense of humor... never mind, we're having a hurricane.

I second the registry at Lowes or Home Depot. A shop vac, 10 square feet of carpet and mat, two boxes of tiles for the new bathroom--- lots of good things to register for...

I agree.

I don't think I would do a potluck. I would be way too concerned with food poisoning and stuff. BUT, this is coming from someone who won't eat at other people's houses (except my Mom's). Oh, and I know restuarants are dirty so PLEASE don't respond and tell me!

Heather · #12 08-31-2006, 02:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by whiddle

this is coming from someone who won't eat at other people's houses (except my Mom's). Oh, and I know restuarants are dirty so PLEASE don't respond and tell me!

LOL! That's like me refusing to eat processed meat (hotdogs, hamburger), but I'll eat ten Slim Jims in as many minutes.

Indigo · #13 08-31-2006, 06:22 AM

We are in our 30's and I found things to register for. I basically updated things. I wanted a nicer set of dishes and nice silverware. Wanted a new mixer and some fun bar things that I did not have. I am sure if you checked Crate and Barrel you could find some fun new things that you could add to your kitchen to update it.

whiddle · #14 09-01-2006, 06:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Heather

LOL! That's like me refusing to eat processed meat (hotdogs, hamburger), but I'll eat ten Slim Jims in as many minutes.

I love Slim Jim's!!!!

I'm really strange about food. Plus, potluck turns me off right now because a couple of months ago I was invited to a potluck wedding (for a casual aqquaintance/co-worker) and assigned to bring potato salad for 150 people out of 600 total guests. I'm still in disbelief......