Sharing Expenses? - The PASH Wedding Forums and Message Boards

katlady · #1 06-13-2006, 08:08 PM

My stepson is getting married in August. They have been working on plans for a few months with her parents and have not involved us at all except to say that we are "supposed to pay for the rehearsal dinner". We are happy to do so. We have also just been asked to pay for half of the wedding cake. Again, we are happy to do so - it's not a money issue. I just think it's odd that her parents have willingly stepped up to pay for a pretty expensive wedding (the sson and fiance are very young with no money) and then ask us to pay for a small portion (like a few hundred dollars). Is this weird? Again, we've had no involvement other than the dinner.

Marge129 · #2 06-13-2006, 08:10 PM

All they want (besides the rehearsal dinner) is a little money for the cake? That IS weird. You'd think if they can afford the nice, fancy wedding that they could afford the cake!

I'm just glad to hear you say "we're happy to do so." We get so many people that come here whining because they may have to chip in some extra money for their child's wedding.

to you!

Kim&Bob2004 · #3 06-13-2006, 08:15 PM

maybe it's their way of making you feel a part of the wedding plans? Since you have to pay for part of the cake, do you get to have some input into it???

Welcome BTW!

weddingadvisor · #4 06-13-2006, 08:24 PM

Sounds like they are taking the old fashioned approach to the wedding. Don't worry. Nowadays, as every situation is different, there isn't really a 'traditional' anymore.

Just pay what you can and have fun. They have to worry about the planning. You get the easy part!

whiddle · #5 06-13-2006, 10:05 PM

Welcome to Pash!

I don't know whay you would pay for the whole wedding, then ask for help with the cake.....

fallbride · #6 06-13-2006, 10:26 PM

welcome to Pash. If you really want to help pay for a wedding, you can help me! (just kiddin)

555Ann555 · #7 06-14-2006, 02:19 AM

Welcome to Pash!

It does seem a bit strange that they would ask for help paying for the cake, it is hardly the most expensive part of the day

Traditions are slightly different over here, so I'm not always the best one to offer advice on what is "normal".

If you want to be more involved financially perhaps you could offer a fixed amount to your Stepson & FDIL, that way they can put the money towards whatever area they think would benefit from it...

That is what my MIL did, I think she didn't want to feel like she was intruding in any way but still wanted to help out. So she gave us cash to use wherever we needed to. It was certainly appreciated!

kenzies_mama · #8 06-14-2006, 03:11 AM

Maybe, her parents gave them a set amount, mine did and they just came up a little short. That's the only reason I can think of why they would ask for just a little bit.

Heather · #9 06-14-2006, 03:21 AM

Hi Katlady, Welcome!

It is customary for the groom's parents to pay for the rehearsal dinner, but this means YOU also get to PLAN it.

I agree that it's strange about the cake too. I would ask when a good time would be to get together with your future in laws and the bride and groom so that you can go looking at cakes together. This could be a great way to get to know them better.

Good luck, and please let us know how it all turns out!

Summer_Skye18 · #10 06-15-2006, 05:27 PM

I honestly think that it's their way of making you a part of the planning stage. I don't think they have an issue about money, so its highly possble its they're way of you making you feel "involved".

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ladedah · #11 06-15-2006, 08:58 PM

Did you ask if you could help to pay with part of the reception?

I only ask because I maybe had somewhat of a similar situation.....My parents had given my DH and I a budget to spend on the wedding, my IL's were paying for (and planning) the rehearsal dinner..............my MIL said she would really like to contribute some to the reception (I think they felt like they should since we were have a fairly large wedding)....but she didn't tell me what she wanted to pay for OR how much $$ she wanted to put in, so I asked her if she would like to pay for the cake (It was the most in-expensive single item from the reception and I didn't want to over-step any boundaries) because it seemed to me that she wanted to pay for a "thing" and not just contribute to the cause.....anyways, she never asked how much the cake cost, she just gave me some cash to "pay for the cake", it didn't cover the cost entirely but we were happy just to have the extra and that didn't matter...

So, my point is really, maybe if you had mentioned you would like to "help" with the wedding they just thought that part of the cake was good and didn't want to seem rude by asking "how much do you want to help", KWIM?

PlanetClaire · #12 06-15-2006, 10:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fallbride

welcome to Pash. If you really want to help pay for a wedding, you can help me! (just kiddin)

Oh lordy that cracked me up!

Sounds like the "old fashioned" way indeed! As long as no one throws that in your face afterwards and says that's "all" you paid for type of thing.

syringa · #13 06-16-2006, 04:31 AM

If you would like to be more involved, you might offer your son a sum of money to be used as needed. You can also offer to pay for the rental of his tuxedo and perhaps the other tuxes as well, and possibly for other things that come up.

When my two sons got married we paid for all of the tux rentals. For one son's wedding, we paid for the rental items for the church and for all of the flowers as well as the tuxes and the rehearsal dinner. When the other son got married we paid for the photography and for the get-away car (an antique one), as well as the tuxes and the rehearsal dinner. For both of our sons we addressed and mailed the invitations that were sent to those on our list. It was a simple thing to do, but it saved the bride several hours of addressing, plus the postage. Do whatever you feel comfortable doing or offering.

peckmiranda · #14 06-22-2006, 04:09 AM

I sure wish my parents and in-laws were fighting over who got to pay for what!

I studied Women's Studies in college and so my dad thought it was pretty hilarious when he asked "Well what kind of feminist would you be if stuck to those old traditions?!" Yeah, very funny, Dad...now I get to see how in the hell I get to plan a wedding for a couple thousand dollars...