Several confusing issues involving the stationry aspect of my wedding - The PASH Wedding Forums and Message Boards

AngelRoseFyre · #1 06-08-2006, 04:43 AM

I have 3 issues:

1.) This one is kinda easy, are engagement anouncement ok to send this late, and if so, is it ok to send save the date and engament anouncements together?

2.) This is a little long. I have been planning my wedding for several months (since Dec, 05). I was planning on inviting all of my fathers side of the family (even though chances are slim they would show up - they are from the east coast and LOVE it there, and we are getting married in hick-town Wyoming, enough said) I was just getting ready to send out save the date and (maybe) engament announcements, when my brother announced he is getting marries several months after my wedding. My mom decided that since are getting married so close to each other, that we should tell my dads side of the family not to come to either wedding and se will fly all of us to Florida in September to celebrate (which is fine for my brother who is having a small outdoor wedding in the mountains - not so fine for me, since I'm planning a larger event, and would like people there). My mother did agree that I can send that side of the family invitations, as long as I put a note in them that we will be going there to visit, and there attendance is not needed. Well here is my question. Is it ok to send them engament announcements or save the date cards (with our pictures on them - none of them have ever even seen my fiance), or should I just forget about it?

3.) And now dilema number three (this wedding stuff is more work than I would have expected!!!) Our reception is being held on a military missile base, so due to obvious home land security issues, they REQUIRE we tell them who is coming in advance; the want Full Name (first, middle and last), Date of Birth, and Drivers License/ State issued ID number (those who are old enough to have them) for EVERY guest who will be attending, at LEAST 3 weeks before the wedding. I'm guessing this will take some time to get the list put together, so in thsi case, when should I send my invites out? I also want the age and gender of children who will be attending, since we will be having childrens activities and gifts there. How do I edit my reponce cards to reflect both of these issues?

I hope I was clear enough. Tnank you for any advice.

AngelRoseFyre · #2 06-08-2006, 04:51 AM

I just re-read what I wrote, after I posted it!

And notices A LOT of typos. I apologize for my poor grammar skills in this post.

Heather · #3 06-08-2006, 04:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AngelRoseFyre

1.) This one is kinda easy, are engagement anouncement ok to send this late, and if so, is it ok to send save the date and engament anouncements together?

I would just send the Save the Dates and forget engagement announcements at this point. You could put an announcement in your local paper (or your Mom's local paper), but I wouldn't send the engagement notices.

Quote:

My mother did agree that I can send that side of the family invitations, as long as I put a note in them that we will be going there to visit, and there attendance is not needed. Well here is my question. Is it ok to send them engament announcements or save the date cards (with our pictures on them - none of them have ever even seen my fiance), or should I just forget about it?

Do not send them Save the Dates if you're not planning to invite them to the wedding. It's funny you have this issue because I did too. My Mom was hesitant about me sending invites to out of town family and wanted me to let them know they "didn't have to come." The girls on here told me that was silly and to just send an invitation (and save the dates) because I may be suprised who would actually come. Almost every single one that my Mom thought wouldn't come, came.

Quote:

I'm guessing this will take some time to get the list put together, so in thsi case, when should I send my invites out? I also want the age and gender of children who will be attending, since we will be having childrens activities and gifts there. How do I edit my reponce cards to reflect both of these issues?

In this case I would send them out 8 or 9 weeks before the wedding, and ask for the RSVP to be returned 4 weeks before the wedding. On your response cards you could have a separate line for # of children attending, then next to that put (age/s): ____________

For example:

____ Number Attending
____ Number of Children attending (Age/s) _________

SuzyBride · #4 06-08-2006, 05:17 AM

1 - I would only send save the dates. Engagement announcements can still be put in the paper though.

2 - I think you should still send the family invites and save the dates. They can make their own decision about attending.

3 - How many people are you expecting to invite/attend? Man, that is going to be a headache trying to get all that info from everyone. I don't know what to tell you on this one! If it's not that many people maybe you could call them? If it is alot of people I would probably include a note with the invitation saying that because of where the reception is going to be held, you need xxx,xxx,xxx and that you hope that it's not too much of an inconvience that they RSVP with the needed info 5 weeks before the wedding date. I would send the invites out earlier than the usual 6-8 weeks... maybe 10 weeks..

Hope that helps!

AngelRoseFyre · #5 06-08-2006, 05:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Heather

Do not send them Save the Dates if you're not planning to invite them to the wedding. It's funny you have this issue because I did too. My Mom was hesitant about me sending invites to out of town family and wanted me to let them know they "didn't have to come." The girls on here told me that was silly and to just send an invitation (and save the dates) because I may be suprised who would actually come.

I am planning on inviting them. I feel it is rude no to, even if we are going to visit them later in the year. I suppose I could just send the the invitations. My mom will easily spread the word for me that they DONT have to come.

AngelRoseFyre · #6 06-08-2006, 05:25 AM

[quote=SuzyBride]How many people are you expecting to invite/attend?[/QUOTE

We are planning to invite between 100-150 people. Less than 5% of them would have base access.

Thank you for all the help!!!

ljeagle · #7 06-08-2006, 05:35 AM

1 - I would just send STD (save the dates) u can do them with your pictures on them.

2. Only send STD to who u are inviting

3. I would send them out about 2.5 months a head of time. And ask for them back 5 weeks in advance! Make your RSVP very carefully and make sure you have a slot for every ones full name and lic. that is invited! Explain the reason why u need this.

You have enough time to worry about the invites and RSVP on down the road I would just be working on the STD now.

AshyBekka · #8 06-08-2006, 02:29 PM

I think the girls have covered everything. But I don't necessarily think you need to send STDs or invites to your dad's side of the family with a further explanation that they don't need to be there. I would let them decide whether they want to go or not. I'm sure through the family grapevine it can be made known that you guys will be seeing them all later on, but some of them may legitimately want to be part of your wedding AND see you at the get together in September.

Also-you said that only 5% will have base access...so only a few of your guests are able to come to the wedding? I think I'm confused.

Good luck!

AngelRoseFyre · #9 06-08-2006, 03:07 PM

[quote=AshyBekka]Also-you said that only 5% will have base access...so only a few of your guests are able to come to the wedding? I think I'm confused.QUOTE]

the ones that DO NOT have base acccess are the ones I will need, full names, birthdates,and drivers license numbers for, so I can get them guest passes, amd/or get them on a guest list, so they have temporary acress for the reception. I appologize if that was unclear, i was a little tired when i wrote it.

DragonYoga · #10 06-08-2006, 04:06 PM

Sounds like the girls have it all cleared up!

By the way, I agree about not adding the "don't have to come" note on the invites - I mean, the point of an invitation is asking them to come right? It'd come across as a bit odd and (to some) probably rude. But that's just me.

An idea, I don't know, but maybe you can include your phone number/email along with the note for the info you need, so they have your most current phone number and/or email and be able to contact you that way instead of mailing back that kind of information to you? Also, for some of the snarkier relatives/guests, I'd have a phone number at the base ready so they can call and confirm the requirements to get on base?

Complicated Woman · #11 06-08-2006, 04:13 PM

I agree that the previous posts have covered everything. You should definitely feel free to invite whoever you want, whether your mom thinks they'll come or not. And who knows, maybe they will!

Heather · #12 06-08-2006, 04:14 PM

If it's only a handful of people for which you need the additional information, I would include a small card (business card size) in their invite that provides a brief explanation of why you need the info. Leave spaces for them to fill out, and simply ask them to include that card when they send you their RSVP.

Complicated Woman · #13 06-08-2006, 04:19 PM

I agree with H. You can just include another insert. On one side, explain why you need the info and then on the other side leave spaces for them to fill it in.

Robyn Lynn · #14 06-08-2006, 04:25 PM

Well, I think the ladies have pretty much covered everything I was going to say, but i'll give you my responses anyway!!

1) STD, IMO, are like engagement announcements anyway. You could put a little blurb about when you were engaged and your picture and then the info to STD.

2) Send invites because it is rude not to. Your mom can let people know you are coming for a visit, but they still may want to come. My cousin got married in New York last summer and I went and would have gone even if she was planning a trip here to Florida because I really wanted to see her get married.

3) I think Suzy is right about sending the invites out 8-10 weeks in advance. Put in an explanation (either on the reception card or response or a different altogether) about it being on a military base and needing their name and birthdate and license number. Be prepared to call people who do not RSVP by the designated day to make sure they received their invite and to get that info if they are coming.

Off the topic..... what branch of the military is the base?

AshyBekka · #15 06-08-2006, 04:26 PM

Thanks for clearing that up! I was confused (although it was early and I was tired myself!). I think the girls have a great idea in providing a card with more info on it so you have everything you need in one place!

ljeagle · #16 06-08-2006, 04:52 PM

I like the ideal Heather had about putting a little card in saying you need this info for this reason and on the back have the spaces. You could always set up a site where they can go and send you the info if you know a lot of them use the computer.

wynelle · #17 06-08-2006, 06:13 PM

I agree:

a) No engagement notices. A bit late for that anyway. Do save-the-date cards (but only to those invited to the wedding)

b) Invite Dad's side of the family. How divisive would it be to *not* invite them!! We get enough letters from brides who ignore the groom's side of the family...and here your mother is saying to not invite her husband's family??

c) I go with either a separate enclosure card in which you state the need for the info, and make appropriate lines

Mr.____________________; (dob)_________
Ms ____________________; (dob)_________
____________________(child) (dob)_______

etc.

Incidentially, daughter #2's wedding was on a military base in 2003 and we were told we would have to do the same thing. Then, instead, we were given letters signed by the Unit Commanding Officer and the Provost Marshall to give to all the guests to present. Worked out just fine.

555Ann555 · #18 06-08-2006, 06:45 PM

I think the girls have it covered, I just wanted to say I agree!

I would make sure you include a few ways that the guests can contact you just in case they don't entirely understand why they have to give you this information.