How to make my son feel important at the wedding? - The PASH Wedding Forums and Message Boards

AngelRoseFyre · #1 06-06-2006, 05:51 AM

I have a son, Azriel (Ace) from my first marriage. He will be 5 almost 6 by the time we gat married. My fiance and him are very close. I want him to have an important part in the wedding, but I don't want to overstimulate him (he has very mild autism and ADD - not so good of a mix). Anyway, I was thinking of having him walk me down the Isle, along with my dad. I was also thinking he could be the ring bearer, since I would be walking with him. We are lighting a unity candle during the ceramony. My finace's niece is lighting it for his side of the family, along with his mother. I was thinking Ace could light it for my side of the family, well mostly my mom will light it, but he can safely help. As for the reception, the venue we reserved offered to throw in an additional room for children (and a child specific buffet) at no additional cost. I like the idea that he won't be under my feet the whole time, but i also feel as if I am going to be shoving him away at a family event. I am completely lost. Everyone and ther dog is throwing ideas at me telling me it's not enough, or it is to much, and most of these people don't either do not have children, have never been married or both. I got married by the JP for my first marriage and did not have a wedding at all, so all of this is completely new and different to me. If anyone has any ideas or just plain advise, please feel free to share.

fallbride · #2 06-06-2006, 12:55 PM

I think him walking you down the isle is nice.

That is if your dad does not mind sharing.

DragonYoga · #3 06-06-2006, 01:38 PM

I love the idea of him helping out! I think, under the circumstances, he'll probably appreciate not having so much focus on him on your big day; it'll be overwhelming enough with all the festivites going on!

Maybe if you packed a bag of his favorite toys, coloring books, etc. to keep him busy? And also of course make sure you get some time alone with him in between. I mean, just before the walk down the aisle, then before the reception, etc.

I think what you've got planned is gonna work just fine. You're his mom, and you know how much he can take the best. BTW, I'm not a mom, but it's obvious to me you're doing a great job with the kid! (Azriel. I love the name!

)

ljeagle · #4 06-06-2006, 03:56 PM

Do you plan to walk him through the day a few days in advance. That might help! Having him walk up with you and your father would be a great thing to do. As far as the unity candle I think he should be lighting it with you and your fh. The unity candle is a symbols of bringing two family's together and he is a part of you and your FH. But thats just me! Is he going to be able to stand up there the whole time while you get married or he is going to be seated with your parents?

As far as putting him a different room for the reception! Where is he going to have fun at with a bunch of adults and kids? Don't think of it as u are pushing him out of the reception just let him know if he wants to come in with you guys he can.

birdie · #5 06-06-2006, 04:12 PM

I think him walking you down the aisle is a great and very touching idea. For the reception, could you give him a disposable camera and ask to do an important job of taking some pictures? If he's too shy to take photos of people, maybe even taking photos of the decorations would entertain him. then he has his very own memories from the day too. You might be surprised at some of his photos. Kids usually see things that adults walk right by. Just an idea...

breezy · #6 06-06-2006, 05:43 PM

I think you have a good mix of ways to keep him involved but not the center of attention.

The only other suggestion I have, that may or may not work, is to have like 20 min set aside for child friendly tunes so the kids can dance in the same room as the big kids

Then you could also have a mother/son dance

Robyn Lynn · #7 06-06-2006, 06:21 PM

Welcome to pash!!!!

I love your avatar

The ladies have already given great advice so I don't have anything to add.

whiddle · #8 06-06-2006, 10:09 PM

I think that you have some great ideas to include him but not overwhelm him. I do not know much about autism but wouldn't being in a separate room provide him with some downtime and not cause him to be overstimulated by the lights going on and off (for the dances) and the loud music.

sansmom · #9 06-19-2006, 03:12 PM

I think asking him to become the Ring-Bearer is a great idea. That way, he will have his own important role in the wedding instead sharing anybody else's post.

A friend of mine with a similar situation had her special-need daughter as the flower girl.