Gift Etiquette - The PASH Wedding Forums and Message Boards

Sh@ks18 · #1 06-01-2006, 10:57 PM

I'm a little confused - The people that come to the bridal shower naturally bring a gift right?
So my question is, do they bring a gift to the wedding as well? or is it one gift only?

I know its based on whatever they want to do, but i've had guests ask me this question and the quickest answer i came up with is "its up to you on what you want to do"

What do you guys do when you go to weddings/shower? Take gifts to both? or just one event?

whiddle · #2 06-01-2006, 11:00 PM

I always take a gift to both the shower and ceremony. Everyone who came to my shower, also brought me a wedding gift to the ceremony.

fallbride · #3 06-01-2006, 11:02 PM

I always take a gift to the shower then a card with a check for the wedding. That is what most people do around here. Some places are different. How far apart is the shower to the wedding day?

SuzyBride · #4 06-01-2006, 11:28 PM

See, where I'm from you don't give wedding gifts at the ceremony unless you didn't go to the shower. You have a shower, sometimes more, and you invite nearly all the women invited to the wedding. You get one gift per person/couple. You can take a gift to the ceremony, but most don't. I don't know, I guess this is kinda a small town thing..

Marge129 · #5 06-01-2006, 11:29 PM

You give gifts for both.

labeadel · #6 06-01-2006, 11:56 PM

Generally gifts are given for both occassions.

ljeagle · #7 06-02-2006, 12:22 AM

I've always gave a gift at the shower and a card with money or GC for the wedding.

Robyn Lynn · #8 06-02-2006, 12:26 AM

My mom and I always bought a gift for the shower and then she wrote a check for the wedding.

For weddings I have been to on my own I have brought gifts for both (well. except for 3 I didn't bring gifts too--I posted why in another thread!) if I attended the shower. A couple times I've skipped the shower for whatever reason.

Sh@ks18 · #9 06-02-2006, 12:53 AM

The shower is June 10 and the wedding is July 9.

I would normally take a gift to the shower and cash w/card to the wedding. For us, whoever didnt go to the shower, brings a gift to the wedding or majority bring cash. I just didnt know how to respond to those who asked what they should do. I guess i'll just stick to responding with "you can give whatever you want, to whatever event you want" Thanks for the feedback

AshyBekka · #10 06-02-2006, 08:26 PM

Well-not surprisingly, I've heard what SuzyBride has (we just figured out we're on each other's doorstep!). If you go to a shower, you bring the gift then, and no gift to the wedding. I haven't been to a wedding in a while where anyone physically brought gifts to the actual weddings...most people have been ordering ahead of time and shipping to the bride and groom's home prior to the wedding. This was also the case at my friend's wedding last year in Austin.

feb-bride · #11 06-02-2006, 09:28 PM

I've never heard of only giving a gift for one event if you've been invited to both the shower and the wedding ceremony. I would give a gift at the shower and one for the wedding.

syringa · #12 06-02-2006, 10:16 PM

In my area gifts are given for both the shower and the wedding, though the shower gift is usually less expensive.

Mrs.Levitt · #13 06-02-2006, 10:18 PM

I do a gift at the ceremony only if I HAVENT gone to the shower. If I have attended a shower then I give a gift there and a card with money at the ceremony

TheaterDiva1 · #14 06-02-2006, 10:20 PM

I usually bring a gift to a shower and send another one before the wedding. That's what's usually done here, though for the wedding itself, the gift is more likely to be a check.

weddingadvisor · #15 06-11-2006, 08:26 PM

Usually, I just bring a gift to the shower. I don't have a lot of extra $$, so I usually give one gift. The shower gift IS my wedding present.

With that being said, you are going to get a lot of differnt responses. Everyone has a different view of who gives what and when.

I try not to expect anything from anyone when it comes to gift-giving. That way, when I do get something, it's a great surprise. And when I don't, there isn't any disappointment or hard feelings.

You would be shocked at how many brides will harbor resentment because someone didn't give them a gift for their wedding/shower/engagement, etc. I think sometimes they expect too much. Just be happy they came to celebrate your marriage. Anything more is just a happy bonus.

Summer_Skye18 · #16 06-15-2006, 05:50 PM

Traditionally, we give gifts for both occassion. But when I am on tight budget, I usually give a single gift and then I tell the bride about it. When I get money, usually a month or two after the wedding, I buy the couple something they can use inside the house or honeymoon present.. they usually appreciate it..

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Kim&Bob2004 · #17 06-15-2006, 06:06 PM

Most people give a "gift" (includes GC, gift or money) to both however some don't and I don't think you are required to give a gift to both, although if you attend you I would say yes. A few people gave just a shower gift at our wedding. I didn't expect a wedding gift also. I think if the shower gift that you gave was more for the bride rather than the couple it would be a different story. At my shower I got about 7-8 nighties and various other "night time wear", the people that gave those types of personal gifts gave weddings gifts also.

We always give to both if we attend. But as a bride I wouldn't expect it.

uNF_Rena · #18 06-15-2006, 06:34 PM

man... I just found out that my friend whos getting married today... asked ALL of his friends that they "expect gifts". i say... dont expect much and be very thankful for what you get.

sandals345 · #19 06-15-2006, 07:39 PM

I've always taken a gift (usually from a registry) to the shower, and then a monetary gift to the reception. I don't think I've ever seen anyone bring a gift to the ceremony, unless its a combined event.

AngelRoseFyre · #20 06-25-2006, 10:08 PM

When I am invited to both, I usually bring a gift to each one, but the actual wedding gift is usally nicer and more expensive. I'm personally not a big fan of giving cash gifts, but I guess I really wouldn't be botherd if someone gave me a cash gift, so if that makes it more comfortable, by all means go that rout. I do agree with you in saying "Whatever is more comfortable to you". If you say one thing or the other you may miss out on a potential gift (I don't know if that would really bother you or not), or you may just sound rude and greedy. However if they ask what is traditionally done, I may tell them it is tradition to bring a gift to both, just word it so you don't sound as if all you want from them is a gift.

Lizbet · #21 06-26-2006, 03:49 PM

People did it both ways for my shower/wedding. I, personally, do the registry gift for shower and $ or GC for the ceremony/reception.

wedbyjean · #22 06-27-2006, 03:19 AM

They are two different occasions - so separate gifts are customary.

Bringing a gift to the wedding or sending it before hand seems to be a regional thing. Here it is common for folks to bring a gift (or envelope/check) to the reception.

mewee04 · #23 02-08-2007, 04:26 AM

Ok, what if we are only inviting some people to ceremony but everyone to reception, can we invite all reception guests to Bridal shower even though they may not be invited to ceremony? thanks, Mary

NovemberGal · #24 02-08-2007, 04:36 AM

Hi Mewee, welcome to Pash!

Because this is an older thread that's not quite the same topic as yours, you might get a better response if you start a new thread.

However...

The general "rule" is that if you invite someone to the shower, they should be invited to the wedding. I take that to mean the ceremony, not just the reception, but to be honest with you, I've never seen that specified. There are a few cases (coworkers throwing you a shower, a few regional variances) where people would attend a shower and not be invited to the wedding, but only in those specific cases.

LadyFaile · #25 02-09-2007, 05:37 AM

i always took it as the shower was for the bride so you brought a gift for her, something she wanted specifically, or something girly like lingerie. and then you brought a gift for the couple to the wedding, something practical they'd both use, like a toaster

around here if you have a shower it's not unusual to have 2 seperate gift registries.
also it seems like a lot of gals around here have a bachelorette party that sort of doubles as a shower though. everyone sits around, eats and drinks and gabs and sometimes give gifts, and then hit the bar.

but what do i know, i'm not having either