| "Wed"iquette Discuss the in's and out's of wedding etiquette. |
06-01-2006, 02:54 PM
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Senior Member
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Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Fayetteville, Arkansas
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Missing FMIL
Hello ladies-
I'm pretty new here, and accidentally posted this on the Expert forum, before I realized that she's not really around. Whoops! Amateur mistake!! I'd like to get y'all's take on this and see if anyone's dealt with this.
My fiance and I are getting married in November, and he's currently deployed to Iraq. His family is in Tennessee and mine is in Arkansas-although over the past couple of years, I've met (and gotten along with) his father and stepmom, and his mother. Now, his dad and stepmom have been awesome so far..we keep each other updated when we hear from my fiance, they've been really responsive about planning the rehearsal dinner, getting excited about save the dates, flowers, etc. etc. and just generally wonderful.
His mother, on the other hand, has been...well, pretty much MIA. She's always very nice when I meet her, but she's completely nonresponsive. I don't think it's just me, as this is the woman who neglected to call her son back on the day he deployed to Iraq. I'm still steamed about that months later. But I digress. Starting in February, I started reminding everyone-my family included-that we need to start gathering up addresses for invitations, but more importantly, save the dates. We're doing the wedding here in Arkansas, and between the two of us, Cliff and I have family from Hawaii to London. I have received addresses from all parts of the family-except his mother. I have emailed polite reminders, left messages (she never answers her phone), and the only thing I've gotten is an email in March asking if Cliff's slightly bizarre cousin could be in the wedding. To which I replied I'm sure we could find something, and asked if she had anything in particular in mind. That's it. I have no addresses, no way to contact aforementioned slightly bizarre cousin, and no response from his mother. As I mentioned, she's up in Tennessee, and she and Cliff's dad are not on the best of terms. I'm not nuts about the idea of asking Cliff's dad to intercede and get in touch with her, but I don't know what else to do...I'm certainly not going to bother Cliff about it while he's in Iraq...HELP!
Thanks!
Ashley
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06-01-2006, 03:19 PM
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Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Tacoma, WA
Wedding Date: October 9, 2004
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Welcome to another Ashely!  I shall call you Ashley in AR. 
Your FMIL sounds like my Aunt Cheryl. Some people are just like that. Her son has been in Germany since July and she has never even sent him a letter.  Maybe the FMIL doesn't like returning LD phone calls? Do you know her schedule? Can you invite her side of the family without getting addresses from her, like maybe contacting one of her relatives (her mother??? your FH's grandmother) and getting the addresses?
Keep us posted and sorry you are dealing with this! 
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06-01-2006, 03:30 PM
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Join Date: Sep 2005
Wedding Date: April, 22, 2006
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Welcome to PASH...
I agree with Kim, do you know another family member from which you could get the addresses?...an aunt, maybe? If not, just leave her a message saying "It has come to the point in time where we need to send the save-the-dates, I am going to go ahead and send them for the addresses I have and I would really love to send them to your guest list, too...if I could possibly get the addresses from you".....if not, then.... 
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06-01-2006, 03:37 PM
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Wedding Date: April 17, 2004
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Hi Ashley and welcome!
I agree with Kim and Ladedah. See if there is another family member you could get in touch with - Grandmother maybe? Aunt? If not, I would do as Ladedah suggested and leave one more message for her and say that you're sending things out in X number of days. If she still doesn't get back to you, then talk to Dad. You may be uncomfortable asking him to intervene, but he may know of another family member on her side that you could get in touch with. I would also be as nice as possible about it, even though they don't get along, you don't want to throw any ammunition out to any side either. Just say that "FMIL must be so busy, she hasn't gotten back to me about the addresses, do you know of anyone I could call?" Something like that....
It must be hard to do all this planning while your FH is deployed. I wish you the best of luck and we're always here to help!
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06-01-2006, 04:22 PM
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^
l
That sounds like a good plan
Firstly welcome to Pash!
It must be so hard planning a wedding while your FH is so far from home!
Do you have a postal address for your FMIL? Maybe she would respond better to an actual letter I'd just guessing!
Otherwise Heather's plan sounds subtle enough to work without offending or stiffing up trouble. And who knows, maybe she really is that busy 
If the worst comes to the worst then that side of the family will just have to have less notice than your side You still have plenty of time to get the addresses for the actual invites, just not the STDs...
But I want to know more about this wedding!  What have you sorted out? Is it going to be big? Did you choose any particular colours or styles???
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06-01-2006, 04:24 PM
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I don't have any different advice. I just wanted to say "Hi"
I hope you will tell us more about your plans in the Bridal Journals area of the forum. 
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06-01-2006, 05:38 PM
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I agree with everyone else on this.
But I just wanted to welcome you to Pash!
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**Jill**
Happy Trails since JULY 29, 2007
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06-01-2006, 05:47 PM
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Welcome to Pash! I agree with the other ladies on this.
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130 pounds down
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06-01-2006, 06:09 PM
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Welcome to Pash. I also have nothing to add. The other ladies said it perfectly.
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~Margie
Livin' life... havin' fun 
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06-01-2006, 06:39 PM
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I have the same problem with my FMIL -- and she lives in the same town!!! But she works a lot.
It took me FOREVER to get addresses from her. What finally did it is i mailed the other invites and told her that i did so.
Welcome to pash!!!!
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06-01-2006, 08:01 PM
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Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Fayetteville, Arkansas
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WooHooo!! Another Arkansan!!! Welcome to Pash!
Is there anyone else you could contact to get the info? Like an aunt or cousin or something? I dunno, I'm not much help, luckily I had full cooperation from both families. Good luck!
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Josh and Suzanne married July 23, 2005
"Remember that happiness is a way of travel, not a destination."
-- Roy Goodman
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06-01-2006, 09:27 PM
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Great news!
First off ladies, thank you so much for all of your replies. I was just at my wits end on how to deal with this and I felt stupid for not having some sort of reasonable solution. So this morning I emailed FMIL one more time, politely reminding her that I needed the addresses "desperately" and giving her updates on how Cliff is doing and whatnot...I JUST got a response-FINALLY! So I'm letting go of the fact that literally 3 addresses took me three months to get and chalking it up to...well, I don't know what I"m chalking it up to, I'm just glad to get the addresses and glad to move on to something else to freak out about. Like invitations or centerpieces or hair or shoes or bridesmaids....hehe.
And more importantly THANK YOU all for the warm welcome-I'm looking forward to posting around on some of the other boards and threads. Can't wait to get to know you all and swap tips and horror stories (hopefully more tips...)
Ashley
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06-01-2006, 09:30 PM
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Congrats on getting the info...finally!
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06-01-2006, 09:54 PM
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That's wonderful! I'm glad she finally woke up. 
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A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
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06-01-2006, 09:59 PM
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Yeah! It's great to have you here too!
You'll need to post a wee intro in the "bridal journals" section so we can all catch up with your plans... BTW I'm a sucker for detail so feel free to post as much as you like And we all love photos!
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06-01-2006, 10:17 PM
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Welcome to Pash! Glad you got the addresses!
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~Kelly~
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06-01-2006, 10:23 PM
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Welcome to Pash!!
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06-01-2006, 10:44 PM
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Glad you finally got a response!!
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Josh and Suzanne married July 23, 2005
"Remember that happiness is a way of travel, not a destination."
-- Roy Goodman
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06-02-2006, 04:41 PM
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Hi, Ashley! I'm Ashley too. 
WELCOME TO PASH!!!! Happy to see you *finally* got a response from your FMIL...!
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June 20, 2007: 2 hearts joined as one.
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06-02-2006, 04:48 PM
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Glad that you finally heard from FMIL!!!
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Robyn and TJ, July 3, 2006
