Stepdad's Mom....? - The PASH Wedding Forums and Message Boards

DragonYoga · #1 06-01-2006, 02:56 AM

I like my stepdad, he's a nice guy. Mom married him when I was 17 so I don't know him very well. But his mom, the Queen of Martyrs, gets on my nerves. For my first birthday gift she sent me (keep in mind, 17), she sent me Elmo pjs. I am not joking. I don't keep in touch with her, I don't know her very well, and I don't want her to attend my wedding!!! What to do? If I invite my stepdad (which I will), she *will* come down and crash the wedding just to have an excuse to be with her son.

I donno. I just don't like her, I know she'll completely ignore me during my wedding and I will ignore her but I just don't want her there!

ljeagle · #2 06-01-2006, 02:59 AM

She is family but maybe not blood but she is your step grandmother. My mother would of had a fit if I would have not invited her step dad. I'm not close to him and N my eyes he is a dirty old man. But it's your wedding you invite who you want.

DragonYoga · #3 06-01-2006, 03:10 AM

Oh, I *will* invite my stepdad. I guess I'll just not invite her, and have name placecards on the tables...

Robyn Lynn · #4 06-01-2006, 03:16 AM

Ashley, think hard before not inviting her. Will it cause problems in your family between you and your stepdad or even you and your mom?? You don't want to do that. Even though it is your day, you will have to make some compromises. If all she will do is ignore you at the wedding that is not bad. Now, if you have reason to believe she may make a scene or something then that is different.

Just some friendly unsolicited advice.....

DragonYoga · #5 06-01-2006, 03:25 AM

True, Robyn. I most likely will invite her in the end, but I'll also have to be reminded! I've seen her twice in the last 8 years, and she and my mom don't exactly get along... I guess I have some majorly conflicted feelings over the issue...! I'll talk to my FH and see if we can make it a nonalcholic reception - the woman likes to drink. I definetley do NOT want any scenes!

Kim&Bob2004 · #6 06-01-2006, 03:30 AM

Ashley, you could always say that you have to keep the numbers down. But to keep the family peace, I would invite her. If you both ignore each other then neither of you will know the other is there. Also, if you invite her, she might decide she don't want to come. Sometimes people who like to cause trouble don't like it when they are put on the defensive. Make sense?

wynelle · #7 06-01-2006, 03:55 AM

Maybe if you act all gracious, and how much you want her there, she will decline out of spite.

feb-bride · #8 06-01-2006, 05:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wynelle

Maybe if you act all gracious, and how much you want her there, she will decline out of spite.

Sneaky one, Wynelle - I like it!!!

Seriously, though - I would probably invite her to keep the peace.

DragonYoga · #9 06-01-2006, 12:45 PM

I like the idea too, Wynelle! Unfortunately, she *will* come, just to be with her son, my stepdad. I think I'll "forget" to mention there is no alcohol at the reception, then that will be my mini-revenge. When my mom married, she let her MIL plan the wedding. Gave the MIL $1500 for the wedding....got a sucky photographer, blew the majority on alcohol, and "forgot" to pay for my sign language interpeter. My mom had to pay the woman, despite the fact the cost was included in the $1500.

So I figure a "dry" reception will be well worth her discomfort *and* I won't look like a bridezilla while I'm at it!

ETA: Sign language interpeters cost what, $20 an hour around here? Not sure about Atlanta, but it would be about the same.

555Ann555 · #10 06-01-2006, 01:15 PM

I think I'd have to invite her

Even though you are the bride it just isn't always possible to have exactly what you want... Sometimes you have to choose what is worth fighting over and hurting others feelings, I know you don't like this lady, but it could cause you far more hassle than it is worth to not invite her.

DragonYoga · #11 06-01-2006, 02:29 PM

Yeah. I'll invite her...if I remember! Honestly, when I was making out my preliminary guest list, she never occured to me! Oh well. Dry reception, it is...! *sigh* Oh well...

breezy · #12 06-01-2006, 02:30 PM

I think I too would have to invite her. I'm kinda in that situation too. I dislike my Mothers half brother and his wife. They are nice and all, but they didn't come into my Grandfathers life until the son was like 60 and Gpa was dying. It just reeks of GOLDDIGGER even though they are affluent!

Anyway I don't have a relationship with him, but now that Gpa's gone he is all over his wife (about his age) and that just adds to my discomfort around the man

BUT G-ma (step) would be upset if I didn't invite him... I'm hopeing he won't come, but knowing if she does he will

DragonYoga · #13 06-01-2006, 03:33 PM

Meh. I guess I'll just think positive - I'll be all over MY man that day!

Kim&Bob2004 · #14 06-01-2006, 03:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DragonYoga

Meh. I guess I'll just think positive - I'll be all over MY man that day!

Your man and the beginning of a new and fabulous life together for eternity!

DragonYoga · #15 06-01-2006, 04:06 PM

Just hope I can restrain myself from consummating our new marriage in front of everyone else...

555Ann555 · #16 06-01-2006, 04:08 PM

PlanetClaire · #17 06-01-2006, 06:21 PM

Would you be having a dry reception otherwise? At the risk of sounding like a wino....I don't think I'd like that too much!!

Buy a "fake cake", get her liquored up , have her crash through it, get it all on video, submit it to AFV and win $100,000!!

I think we all end up having someone there that we don't want but do invite because of x, y, z reason.

whiddle · #18 06-02-2006, 12:10 AM

I invited my step-dad's mother to my wedding.

Dragon- Will you have a sign interpreter at your wedding? Do they stand at the alter with you? OH, I got an A on my sign assignment. Thanks

DragonYoga · #19 06-02-2006, 03:08 AM

Whiddle, yes I will have a sign interpreter there, most likely up and to the side of the altar. Wanna volunteer?

And you're welcome! Did my tips help?

PlanetClaire - no I wouldn't have a dry reception otherwise. I think Butch would be relived to hear the idea, some of his family likes to overdo it apparently...!

(Buy a "fake cake", get her liquored up , have her crash through it, get it all on video, submit it to AFV and win $100,000!!)

I *LIKE* that idea!!!

Ann, yep! We'll be having a long life together - hopefully! So this stepgrandma thing's rather insiginifcant in comparison...

clairon13 · #20 06-02-2006, 03:24 AM

DY, i should've replied to this post earlier--i'm sensing that you and i have some things in common, inclduing psycho family members! my background: first, i didn't invite my own parents to my wedding, so you can disregard anything i say if it doesn't suit you!!! obviously, there is a long history there not worth going into now... my in laws are a bit sketchy, too, and i pretty much let DH decide who he wanted to invite, etc. rickey's grandfather remarried after his first wife died (this was when rickey was in high school), and he died about two yrs later. that new wife was younger, and definitely struck the family as gold-digger as well, but they mostly put up w/ her, until she started contesting the estate.... some of it is STILL being battled in court, 12 yrs later. rediculous. anyway, rickey felt obligated to invite her, and some of the disputing family members (he was actually trying ot offer the proverbial olive branch of peace, thinking a wedding would be a safe place to let old family members see each other again)... the amazing thing was that when x, y, and z found out she was coming, they sent in their regrets (but very nice gifts, i might add). she came, but when she saw that rickey's uncle was there, she actually left.... she stayed long enough to see all of the ceremony, but we think she made a quiet escape when we had our private foot washing ceremony right afterwards, b/cs we never saw her again. all that to say is your step gma might actually behave for the sake of a wedding (like someone said, if she only ignores you, you're set!!), and leave if she has any issues. i don't know if that helps or not, but we were both very relieved that we had no family disturbances.... rickey hired a "bouncer" anyway, just in case my family showed up, so we probably would've been alright!! LOL anyway, i say invite her if FH thinks you guys should, and pray that she will behave. or at least that her son can talk some sense into her.

DragonYoga · #21 06-02-2006, 12:23 PM

Clarion, YIKES!!! That's quite a story! I'd have put a mountain of "gold" choc wrapped coins at her table...

I'm happy to hear your wedding went as well as it did!
Her son doesn't see her as she is, she's just Momma dearest that needs to be taken care of - he's still a little bit of a momma's boy. I'll invite her anyway, but most likely will never see her again after that...!

DragonYoga · #22 06-03-2006, 01:13 PM

Quick Update: Talked to the FH about a "dry" reception, he was all for it! Turns out he has family that gets... bonkers... when they've had too much. One cousin, after a few too many, actually took a shotgun and shot up an already - dead roadkill! I'm relived it's gonna be drier than a monastry at the wedding... (Catholics, no hitting me!

)

Complicated Woman · #23 06-03-2006, 02:02 PM

Actually, most Catholics don't abstain. They're known throughout Christianity for appreciating a drink.

555Ann555 · #24 06-03-2006, 02:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DragonYoga

One cousin, after a few too many, actually took a shotgun and shot up an already - dead roadkill! I'm relived it's gonna be drier than a monastry at the wedding... (Catholics, no hitting me!

)

Firstly: eww.

Secondly: No offence taken

Complicated Woman · #25 06-03-2006, 02:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DragonYoga

One cousin, after a few too many, actually took a shotgun and shot up an already - dead roadkill!

I completely missed this line!