Honeymoon Gifts from Guests??? - The PASH Wedding Forums and Message Boards

DragonYoga · #1 05-15-2006, 12:52 PM

My FH and I are thinking of New Zealand for our honeymoon, and while browsing the 'net I found a site proclaiming the idea of guests paying for the newlyweds' honeymoon. Is this proper? It seems a bit rude to me to ask guests to cough up the dough for the honeymoon... especially when it's one that will be as expensive as New Zealand (we are in Florida).

Your opinion, girls?

Steph · #2 05-15-2006, 03:04 PM

I have heard of close family and friends helping out as a surprise for the honeymoon but not general guests.

fallbride · #3 05-15-2006, 03:22 PM

I have heard about some places that let guest put money towards your honeymoon. They are usually on websites.

I am not sure how it works though.

maroki13 · #4 05-15-2006, 03:57 PM

Etiquette wise, it is improper to request money (whether it be towards a honeymoon or not) from guests.

That being said, some people obviously still ask for money or want their honeymoon paid for. Just as with the dollar dances and a bar that guests pay for, some things are common and acceptable in some areas (even if they go against etiquette) while uncommon and not acceptable in other areas.

ljeagle · #5 05-15-2006, 04:02 PM

I have never heard of this but if you would choose to do it make sure you make other arrangement your guest might not go for it. I wouldn't put it on your invite if u plan to do this u could make a web site with your wedding information and put the link on it.

Emily · #6 05-15-2006, 05:09 PM

Hey there - woo hoo New Zealand good choice for a Honeymoon destination, that is where I am from!!! If you want any ideas or tips on where to go let me know and I would love to help!

Anyway re: the asking for money towards a Honeymoon - I actually got an email this morning from the Wedding Channel that was about that exact thing its being done more and more these days and there are sites where you can sign up for a Honeymoon Regsitry instead of your usual Registry, I have also heard of people doing a thing called a 'Wishing Well' where you send out envelopes titled 'wishing well' with your invites with maybe a small people explaining why you want money for your Honeymoon on the front and at the wedding you have a 'well' (bucket or whatever) where people can put there envelope in and no one knows who gave what.

Ohhhh I'm so excited for you going to NZ - I miss it like crazy!!

P.S welcome!

DragonYoga · #7 05-15-2006, 05:23 PM

LOL @ Emily Our wedding's in Dec. of 2007, and I'm thinking the north point - we both like tattoos and I think it'd be neat if we saw some of the Maori tattoos... I've heard NZ has some beautiful waterfalls - If you could tell me some of the best spots that maybe regular tourists don't know about, that'd be neat

As for asking guests for money, yeah I agree it's against what I was taught - it seems tacky. But, seeing as how we are both well-established, and most likey he'll move in with me, and I already have a house and actual furniture.... *shrug* The wish bucket seems like a good idea though! My MoH has threatened to do something like that for me. lol.

Considering the above, I really don't need any more stuff in my house... ideas? besides coming across as incredibly tacky and asking for some greenbacks.

feb-bride · #8 05-15-2006, 06:03 PM

I am not comfortable at the thought of a honeymoon registry. For one thing, you are basically depending on other people to pony up enough cash to pay for your honeymoon. For another thing, it doesn't allow for guests who do not like to give cash. There are people who will not even give cash; they will only give gifts that go in a box and are wrapped.

One of my cousins got married to a man she'd lived with for a couple of years prior to the wedding. They had relatively new items because they hadn't been living together long enough to wear anything out. She didn't register for anything. Her "preferred" gift was cash, but she didn't tell anyone that. What we did was to spread it by word-of-mouth. She told her bridesmaids and her parents what she'd prefer to receive. When people asked us where she was registered, we explained that she didn't really register because they already had everything they needed, but we knew they were saving up $ for XX. She did get a lot of monetary gifts, but she also got a lot of useless stuff that she had to end up returning.

What I recommend is that you set up a small registry for your guests who won't want to give cash. You don't have to put traditional household items on it, either. If you love board games, you can register for games. If you love to camp, you can register for new camping supplies. You get the drift.

I do NOT recommend putting wishing well envelopes in with your invitations. To me, that seems like a blatant request for cash, and in the United States, it's considered rude. I think this would be considered rude anywhere, but I don't know what other countries consider acceptable.

Mrs.Levitt · #9 05-15-2006, 06:50 PM

I have heard of these travel agencys that do "Honeymoon Registerys" Sounds cool and FH is sooo into it but we are building a new house and we decided that we would rather get new things for the house or money for the house than register for a honeymoon. Plus I feel a little weird about it, seems a little greedy maybe. I dunno, my mom was apaulded when I mentioned it to her.

Marge129 · #10 05-15-2006, 07:09 PM

Personally I think it's improper to request ANYTHING specific for a wedding gift... that includes a honeymoon registry.

The fact that you would like money can be passed by word of mouth. Make sure your bridal party and family know your wishes, so they can do this. Also, if you don't need anything for your house, the simple thing to do is not register. If there's no registry to buy from, guests will be more likely to simply give you a cash gift. Granted, you'll still get crap you don't need, but hopefully they'll include a gift receipt so you can at least have store credit to get something you do need/want.

Heather · #11 05-15-2006, 07:15 PM

I agree with Feb and Margie. If you feel you really, really want to do something like that, then do the Honeymoon Registry - don't send out cards asking for cash. Maybe it's something that's okay in New Zealand (Emily?) but I don't believe it's done here in the States.

ladedah · #12 05-15-2006, 07:19 PM

My only concern would be...if you had a honeymoon registry and only got part of the honeymoon paid for are you going to budget well enough to have that money just in case?

labeadel · #13 05-15-2006, 07:30 PM

I personally am not a fan of this and would never contribute to someone's honeymoon. I feel like this gift giving for weddings is just getting so out of control. Brides and grooms should register for things they would like for their homes, or other things like Feb stated, and then try to let close relatives and wedding party know if they would prefer cash. After that point, brides and grooms should just be thankful for what they get, cash and/or gifts.

I would think of it this way, if it seems a bit rude to you, then it's probably better not to do it.

wynelle · #14 05-15-2006, 08:01 PM

I have heard of couples who planned an expensive wedding or honeymoon, based on the assumption they would receive enough cash as wedding gifts to cover the costs. They didn't, and were in horrible debt for a long time.

Personally, I think that anything that indicates cash is wanted as a gift (honeymoon registry, wishing well, dollar dance, etc) is in poor taste, because a gift is never required. A gift should be welcomed but not expected.

ladedah · #15 05-15-2006, 08:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wynelle

I have heard of couples who planned an expensive wedding or honeymoon, based on the assumption they would receive enough cash as wedding gifts to cover the costs. They didn't, and were in horrible debt for a long time.

This is what I was trying to say...only wynelle said it more eloquently.

DragonYoga · #16 05-16-2006, 01:35 AM

Everyone had good points and seems to be in agreement. I won't do that then, and most likely we will be paying for everything anyway. Hmmmm. I'm still stumped! lol. Honeymoon registry isn't what I want because it's not reliable and seems tacky. *shrug* Ah well, I have almost 2 years to decide with my FH anyway. Maybe my mom will have ideas. Only close family/friends will be at our wedding due in part to the size limitations of the wedding site, and in part to our wallets, lol!

swtdl11552 · #17 05-16-2006, 01:54 AM

Well its rare that this happens, but I have to go ahead and disagree with the majority here. Not in etiquette - but in actuality. A lot of people register at 2 places - I have gotten invites to showers for Bed Bath & Beyond & Crate & barrell or something. Why not do one to a regular home goods store & one registry to the honeymoon registry. If people are uncomfortable giving money then they have an alternative. That also works for someone like my fiance and I. I have lived on my own since I was 17. I have more &^#T than I know what to do with. I of courses registered new basics that are always nice to have - AND A DYSON.....but our immediate family(ies) consists of 18 females alone that will be coming to my shower I am sure. I think they actually welcome the though tof having a couple of different ideas as to what to get me...even if they can only spend $20 - they have different options.

So, I give the honeymoon registry

- it doesn't mean people have NO CHOICE but to get you that item - I think it gives them more choices, and I happen to dig that. (We won't be getting the honeymoon registry btw, b/c we aren't sure when we are even going on the honeymoon).

DragonYoga · #18 05-16-2006, 02:14 AM

Hmmm. That does sound like a better alternative! AND I can get the goodies from the nice shops.... Hmmmmmm!

Emily · #19 05-16-2006, 02:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DragonYoga

LOL @ Emily Our wedding's in Dec. of 2007, and I'm thinking the north point - we both like tattoos and I think it'd be neat if we saw some of the Maori tattoos... I've heard NZ has some beautiful waterfalls - If you could tell me some of the best spots that maybe regular tourists don't know about, that'd be neat

Ohhh how exciting - how long are you thinking about spending in NZ?? Cause the North Island is good if you only have a couple of weeks but if you have longer you should try and get down to the South Island, the South Island has stunning scenery and was where all the Lord of The Rings movies were shot. But yeah I'll definitely think of some places for you to visit - one of my favourite places is Cathedral Cove which is a short walk from a beach called Hahei here is a link http://www.hahei-newzealand.co.nz/ We had a beach house here when we were growing up and it truly is beautiful, and its not popular among tourists - Cathedral Cove is a beach that can only be reached by a 30minute walk and its a big natural hole in the cliff along the beach - the water is clear blue too so perfect for swimming. Also just about a 15minute drive around the corner from Hahei there is a beach called Hot Water Beach and when the tide is low you can dig a hole in the sand and hot water comes up so you can sit in the sand in your hot pool drinking in the sun - its great!! Other places you should visit should be Rotorua (very touristy but very touristy in NZ is not busy) that is where all the Maori culture is and they have the geysers there too - you will definitely be able to check out some proper Maori tattooing in Rotorua, other wise Auckland (my home town) is a must, there are a few Islands in the greater Harbour which have winerys on them which are nice to visit for a day trip. You would want to head North of Auckland too as the beaches around the Bay of Islands are beautiful - I could go on and on all day so just let me know what you guys are after and I'll definitely help you out! Ohhhh I'm feeling very homesick now!!!!

Oh and Heather re: your question about asking for money - in NZ it is becoming more and more popular mainly because we are a country of travellers so alot of us dont set up home for a long time, its definitely a cultural thing ..... we are asking for Gift vouchers from a nice Homes Store in NZ, because we are just going home to have the wedding and then coming back to England for another year so would have nowhere to put any gifts etc etc etc, the place we are getting our gift vouchers from will honour our vouchers for up to three years so we are really pleased about that as if we did have a gift registry, by the time we actually used anything warranties etc... would be invalid, we are having a small gift registry too for those that would prefer to buy us a gift.

Emily · #20 05-16-2006, 02:38 PM

This would be quite a good trip to do if you guys were keen to do a bit of driving around - you can get Campers for as cheap as $50USD a day

http://www.pacificcoast.co.nz/

Check this site out too

http://www.newzealand.com/travel/

Blub blub I'm feeling really homesick now!!!!!

DragonYoga · #21 05-16-2006, 06:25 PM

OOOOOO! Those all sound like incredibly fantastic ideas! I think we'll be going around Christmastime, since we get some time off from work then. I'll defintely ask him what he thinks! NZ NZ NZ

I'm pathetic aren't I? lol.

syringa · #22 05-16-2006, 11:51 PM

Honeymoon registries can have drawbacks. Once you sign up, you are committed. If you get only a couple hundred dollars, you still must take the trip that you registered for. Some places will let you downsize the trip; others won't. Therefore, be sure you can pay for the trip before creating a registry.

There are also some mortgage companies that allow a couple to create a registry for a house. However, again you are stuck with using that company's services and going forward with a mortgage even if guests don't give towards it. As in everything, buyer beware.

Personally, I wouldn't give toward a honeymoon or home registry.

DragonYoga · #23 05-17-2006, 12:58 PM

True. I guess it's "gifts we don't need giveaway" then...! heh!

Emily · #24 05-17-2006, 01:08 PM

I would say do what you want! What about gift vouchers? Or is that frowned upon in the States too?

DragonYoga · #25 05-17-2006, 01:09 PM

I have absolutely no clue, Emily! Not like I'm the wedding expert around here... lol