Best friend married last year. How do I include her in mine? - The PASH Wedding Forums and Message Boards

DragonYoga · #1 05-14-2006, 09:56 PM

I'll be marrying in Dec. of 2007, and I was the MoH in my best friend's wedding last summer. Now, my question: How do I include her in my wedding? She's suggested being the matron of honor but that seems to me it should go to someone older, and I already have someone in mind for that honor. Any suggestions? Thanks if you have any ideas!

Ley

munchkin · #2 05-14-2006, 09:58 PM

There's no age on the matron of honour, so if you want her in that role than she can certainly fill it. However, it doesn't matter if bridesmaids are married or not any more, so she could be a bridesmaid if you want her to be. You also don't have to include her all if you don't want to, as it's not a given that just because you were in hers means that she has to be in yours.
Congrats on your wedding and welcome to Pash!

Heather · #3 05-14-2006, 10:04 PM

Like munchkin said, there is no specific age. If she's married, and you want her in that role then her title simply switches from Maid of Honor to Matron of Honor. "Matron" implies married status, not age so you're safe there.

I had both. My big sis was my Matron of Honor and my best friend (unmarried) was my Maid of Honor. I had one girl (out of 5) as a bridesmaid who was married too.

The beauty of all this is that many traditions with regard to the bridal party are changing so you can do whatever you would like!

Oh, Congratulations and welcome to Pash!

DragonYoga · #4 05-14-2006, 10:06 PM

Thanks! We were recently engaged, and she did ask (I feel a bit rudely) if she would be included in mine. So I feel a bit trapped. I already have a MoH and 2 bridesmaids. I'm afraid she'd take it as a personal offense if I don't include her at all or at least make her a MoH. *groan* I've already found the perfect spot for the wedding, but due to the size limitations, we can only have 28 guests, *maybe* 30. So I can't have many bridesmaids. I honestly would prefer her as a guest, an honored guest. Ideas? She's the high-strung sort. At least the wedding's far enuf off that I can soothe any ruffled feathers...

DragonYoga · #5 05-14-2006, 10:08 PM

Ohh wow I didn't realize how fast people respond here! THANKS for the welcome!!!! *GRIN* Maybe I will have her as the Matron of Honor after all.

Heather · #6 05-14-2006, 10:16 PM

I was going to suggest that she was being a little pushy, lol... but I didn't want to make that call. You could always have her do a reading. If your guestlist is a small wedding, then you're right, you don't want to have too many attendants. Would she be open to doing something like that? You could always make sure she participates in pre-wedding events, or even with helping the BMs plan the pre-wedding events (shower, bachelorette party, etc.)

...And yes. We're on top of things here. Most of us are addicted, lol.

DragonYoga · #7 05-14-2006, 10:27 PM

I'm starting to notice that...! *lol* She lives in Arkansas, and I guess I could talk to her about that. I have a MoH as I've mentioned before, and a BM, plus one more that I'm planning to ask. This place that I'll be married at has a wedding package, so I don't have to worry too much about the details. If you want to check it out, it's at www.casadelapaz.com the wedding button's at the far right on the top of the screen. The last option is the one we are taking. By the way, I am deaf and so is she; my FH can hear and we will have a sign language interpreter there at the wedding (our expense) and if you look at the courtyard, you can see the size limitations of the space. I donno, really. She's the high-strung sort and I defintely will not need THAT on my big day... I'll be stressed enough already lol! I remember her on hers; man she was a bridezilla *LOL*

munchkin · #8 05-14-2006, 10:30 PM

ooh it looks lovely. You should make a thread in Bridal Journals and tell us your engagement story and what you've got planned already.

DragonYoga · #9 05-14-2006, 10:36 PM

LOL I will then! *grin* The reception will most likely be at the La Pentola ( www.LaPentolaRestaurant.com )

Look for my entry in the Bridal Journal! You'll crack up it's totally off the wall.

labeadel · #10 05-15-2006, 11:11 PM

Unfortunately, many girls do feel that if they included a friend in their wedding that they should in return be included in their friends' wedding. I've heard way too many of my girlfriends say that she only included certain people in their bridal party b/c she was included in theirs. And most of them end up regretting doing it. But yes, your friend would probably be upset if she wasn't included. Now, I'm not saying that you should include her because of this, I'm just letting you know to expect it if you don't. Especially since she's already brought it up to you! (Sheesh!) But, if you don't want her to be involved, see if you can have her do a reading or be involved in some other way.

Your ceremony site is gorgeous! I wanted an outdoor wedding so bad and couldn't find one to hold only 50 people! I'm so jealous! All the places here are only for large weddings!

DragonYoga · #11 05-16-2006, 02:00 AM

LOL @ Labeadel! *sowwie* But y'know, destination weddings are all the vogue now... St. Augustine... *whistling innocently*

Heather · #12 05-16-2006, 04:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by labeadel

I've heard way too many of my girlfriends say that she only included certain people in their bridal party b/c she was included in theirs. And most of them end up regretting doing it.

Ugh. This would be me too. I had one girl in only b/c I was her MOH. When I finally got around to asking her (I put it off for so long), her response was: "It's about time." I immediately regretted it but felt like I couldn't change it. She's only in a few formal pics and not in my wedding scrapbook at all. In fact I've only talked with her twice in the last two years, but not for a lack of trying on my part, so I just gave up.

Rambling now!

DragonYoga · #13 05-16-2006, 12:47 PM

OY. Having her help me get ready, and basically destress on the big day is more what I want.... I have a very sweet older friend/coworker that I'd love for my matron of honor. I'll talk to my best friend, toss about ideas so she can feel like she's part of the process.

Complicated Woman · #14 05-16-2006, 03:51 PM

Hey, welcome to Pash! Your site looks beautiful!

It sounds like you already know you don't really want to ask her...and I think that is probably the best thing to do. You don't want to have a regret about it and you certainly don't need a high maintenence bridesmaid the whole time. Good luck with everything!

DragonYoga · #15 05-16-2006, 06:19 PM

Yeah, CW I don't. lol. And thanks btw! I'll defintely be figuring out how to include her without actually including her... lol.