Touchy subject-what to do with invites?

[justnmary]

Hi all, I have a question, but before I ask it I want to give you some background on the situation....My mother was diagnosed w/colon, liver, and lung cancer 5 years ago. She has put up a valiant fight. March 2nd/06 she was diagnosed with brain cancer and finally given a time frame....2 months with treatment/2 weeks without. She took the treatment and it's kicked her butt....she's holding on and she has normal brain activity and she is mentally still with us, she just has very little use of her body due to many strokes, seizures, and the cancer. Her body is very weak and the nurse we talked to last week said maybe 3 more weeks....which brings me to my question.....please don't think bad of me (keep in mind I'm blessed with the fact she's made it this far and I'm greatful for all the time I've been given with her) I want to have on our invitations both of our parents names on them ex: Mary Cathleen, daughter of Mr. and Mrs. ________ and Justin Robert son of Mr. and Mrs._________. If my mom passes before the wedding (which the odds are extremely high)....is it wrong of me to keep my mother's name on it? I can't order invites unless I know what to do, but my mom could still hang on another few months. What do I do? (Before anyone jumps down my back about why I'm planning a wedding while my mother is planning her funeral...realize that she made me promise not to postpone the wedding because of her...she wants us to be married on the day we choose). Ok, now be honest and tell me what you think? Is it wrong to keep my mom's name in the invite or should I just have his parents names in the invites(since financially they are contributing) or should I hold both sets of names out because of the situation?

[labeadel]

Keep your mom on it. I can't say anything else but that. And I'm so sorry you are going through this while planning your wedding. You're much stronger than I would be!

[justnmary]

Thanks, I want to keep her on it but I don't want to 'offend' anyone either. I'm not strong, just have had 5 years to come to terms with the inevitable. I just feel that if she is gone when the wedding comes, people should understand that she is a very important part of my life and her wishes are very clear...'Do not postpone it because of me!' Even my family agrees that life goes on and everyone will understand that we're still going through with the wedding.

[deputysgurl]

In the eyes of people who have not had to deal with this type of situation, you are strong. I lost a parent, and I promise you are a lot stronger then I was.

My vote is to keep her on your invite. It is the way you want it, and as of now (when you order) she is still here with you.

Sorry to hear about the situation and remember we are here for you.

[Heather]

I'm so sorry girl. No one here is going to judge you for planning your wedding during this time. I'm sure many of our Moms would have wished the same for us had we been in that situation.

I think what I would do is have "Together with their parents" on the invitation. If your Mom passes before the wedding, you could add a special rememberance in the programs, and maybe do something like place a bouquet of flowers where she would have sat could she attend, or a candle ceremony. There are a ton of things that you could do to honor your Mom.

[justnmary]

That's a good idea Heather, thanks.

[Kim&Bob2004]

My father died in Dec 2001, we married in 2004. I kept his name on the invitations and didn't even think another thing about it, I didn't give one hoot what others thought. Both of Bob's parents passed on, and we had both their names on the invite. Keep it on and maybe add something in the program or a special thing in the ceremony. My bouquet had a special colored flower for my dad and we had roses for each parent and grandparent that had passed on.

Keeping you in my thoughts.

[swtdl11552]

Awww sweetie - I'm so so so sorry that your family is going through this pain. I know it is a difficult thing and I hope you know we're all here for you!

I think you can honor your parents in any way that feels right to YOU. Heather had a great idea (as usual)...whatever you are comfortable with, everyone else will follow suit!!

Will keep you in my prayers!!

[Robyn Lynn]

Mary, there is nothing wrong with keeping your mom's name on the invite, especially since she wants you to continue with the wedding!!! And I think it is great that you are honoring her wishes. I bet she is very very happy and proud of you.

I lost my dad 15 years ago this June. I did not have any parents mentioned on invites, but on my programs I put parents' names with the wedding party and for my dad put (in our hearts) under his name.

If you need anything, let us know.

[maroki13]

I think it is perfectly fine to put your mother's name on the invitations. No one should judge you for honoring your mother with her name on the invitation, regardless of whether she is alive or has passed on. I'm sure it is a hard situation, but do whatever is the most comfortable and special for you; the rest of your guests can simply accept it.

[Heather]

Originally Posted by maroki13

do whatever is the most comfortable and special for you; the rest of your guests can simply accept it.

Absolutely. I didn't mean to imply that you shouldn't put your Mom's name on them if that's what you want. I was trying to give you different options for different scenarios. It's such a touchy subject and like the other girls have said, I admire your strength too. Again, we're always here for you.

[breezy]

I agree with everyone else. Do what feels right for YOU! Having Mom's name on the invites would be touching.

[birdie]

I absolutely would keep your mom's name on it if that's what you want to do. You ARE getting married with her blessing whether or not she is at the wedding, itself. So that should be stated on the invitation.

I'm really sorry about all you've had to go through and are still going through. My thoughts are with your family!

[justnmary]

Thanks everyone...I've decided to keep her on it. Thanks for all the support, it's nice knowing there's people you can talk to that are not judgemental...I will admitt (now I am ashamed of myself for it) that if I would not be in this situation and someone else posted that, I would probably wonder how that person could even consider planning a wedding during a time like that.....but once you go through it, you realize not everything is as it seems and life has got to go on and when the person involved gives the blessing to keep life in the foreground...you tend to take it to heart. So thanks everyone for not judging me.

[Heather]

[SuzyBride]

Oh honey! I'm so sorry that you are going through all this. I cannot imagine how hard it must be to be planning a wedding and dealing with knowing you are going to lose your mother. I think whatever you do will be fine and others will just have to accept it. And you certainly don't have to worry about being judged for having a wedding during this time! You are right, life has to go on and times like this make you realize that the time you have here is limited and so you should move forward with life.

[feb-bride]

Hun, I would NEVER judge you for this.

My heart goes out to you and your family right now. I cannot imagine what I would have done if I'd had to deal with a parent's pending death while planning my wedding.

I was going to give the advice of do the invitations how you were originally planning, but looks like you've gone with that already.

If you ever need to "talk," feel free to PM me.

[Marrying_the_Good_Husband]

I'm SO sorry! I couldn't even begin to imagine how devastating this is for you. I agree with everyone else. You could also phrase it: Mary lastname, daughter of mom's name and dad's name.... I'm assuming you're ordering the invites soon, so you wouldn't put "the late...," which I've seen before. I'm very sorry. We're here for you....

[ljeagle]

I have a friend put "the Late..." on her invite when her father died a few months b-4. But in this case I wouldn't order them like that not knowing. I would just do it like you want to. I'm so sorry

[tapdnsr25]

I can't imagine that anyone would be "offended" by this. If someone were to find it offensive, who cares what about what a person like that thinks anyway? Besides, whether or not your mother is sitting in a seat, I'm sure she WILL be there!

[DragonYoga]

Originally Posted by tapdnsr25

I can't imagine that anyone would be "offended" by this. If someone were to find it offensive, who cares what about what a person like that thinks anyway? Besides, whether or not your mother is sitting in a seat, I'm sure she WILL be there!

I'm sooo seconding that! You're a very strong woman to be able to plan a wedding and deal with your mom's being so sick at the same time! I'm happy you're keeping her on the invite, it's the best way to honor her IMO.

You and yours are in my thoughts and prayers as well, and here's a for you!

[justnmary]

I just wanted to share with you all that my mother past away on Saturday 5/27/06 at 6:50pm. She was surrounded by family and she went peacefully. We had the service on Friday 6/2/06. I guess now I know what to do with the invites......I can't even concentrate on the wedding now. I just feel so lost.

[fallbride]

awww..I am sooo sorry. I know how it feels to lose your mother. My heart and my prayers go out to you and your family!!!

[AshyBekka]

Your last post brought tears to my eyes. I'm so sorry for your loss, and for all that your family has gone through over these difficult months. I will continue to think about you and your family...Please take care!

[Marge129]

OMG I'm so sorry for your loss.