The joys of waxing

[fallbride]

> > Wax is NOT Your FriendThis is funny! CAUTION: Be prepared to laugh out loud...I laughed
> >>> >till I almost cried as I could just see this happening!
> >>> >
All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of
easy, painless removal - The epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and
now...the wax.
> >>> >
My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix
dinner,
play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring
painfully

in my mind for the next few hours: "Maybe I should pull the waxing
kit out of the medicine cabinet." So I headed to the site of my
demise: the bathroom.

It was one of those "cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of hot wax,
you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and
you

peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and
you pull the hair right off. No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be?


I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to
figure this
out.
(YA
>THINK!?!)

So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each
other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius
kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees.
("Cold wax," yeah...right!) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold
the skin around it tight and pull. It works! OK, so it wasn't the
best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this! Hair removal no
longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair
and

maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.

With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I
sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting
championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet.
Using the same procedure, I apply the one strip across the right
side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my *hoo-hoo* and
stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (Yes, it was a long
strip) I inhale deeply and brace myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!!

I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!! Vision
returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the
strip. CRAP!!! Another deep breath and RRIIP! P!! Everything is
swirly and spotted. I think I may pass out...must stay
conscious...Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe...OK, back
to normal.

I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has
caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want
to

revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the
strip! There's no hair on it. Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE
WAX???

Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see
the hair. The hair that should be on the strip. I touch. I am
touching wax. CRAP! I run my fingers over the most sensitive part
of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair.

Then I make the next BIG mistake...remember my foot is still
propped

up on the toilet? I know I need to do something. So I put my foot
down.
>
DAMN!!!!!!!! I hear the slamming of a cell door. *Who-ha*? Sealed
shut! Butt?? Sealed shut!

I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do
and think to myself "Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My
head may pop off!"

>What can I do to melt the wax? Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!!!

I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in,
immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can
gently wipe it off, right??? WRONG!!!!!!!

I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to
torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit.

Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued
together is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom
of the tub...in scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt
>cold wax.

So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cement-
epoxied myself to the porcelain!!
>God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a
>phone put in the bathroom!!!!!

I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some
secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation
starter - "So, my butt and who-ha are glued together to the bottom
of the tub!"

There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for
removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to
know exactly where the wax is located, "Are we talking cheeks or
who- ha?"

She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the
rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box.
>YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night.

While we go through various solutions. I resort to scraping the wax
off with a razor. Nothing feels better then to have your girlie
goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super
hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!!

By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and
I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling
for this event.

My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving
>grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. What do
I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and OH MY
GOD!!!!!!!

The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my
friend.

It's sooo painful, I but I really don't care. "IT WORKS!! It
works!!"
I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up.

I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to
my

grief and despair....THE HAIR IS STILL THERE......ALL OF
IT!!!!!!!!!!

So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts.
>I could have amputated my own leg at this point.

Next week I'm going to try hair color......
Now that's funny ........ Notttttttttt!!!!!!!

[staceylynn]

I actually have a cosmetology liscense and I have seen waaaaaaaaaaay to many horrible things happen to new brides to be. I highly recommend that you seek out a professional if you intend to do a bikini wax. Do this about 10 days before your wedding. Waxing your own bikini line can cause SEVERE bruising. I PROMISE....you do not want to be wearing this bruise on your honeymoon to Tahiti!!!! If anyone has any questions about waxing....just ask and I would be happy to help.

[Complicated Woman]

::raising hand:: I tried waxing my own bikini line last week...yes, even after I read the above story.

Bad idea. Terrible, even. I was a raw, bloody mess. It didn't hurt so badly, but it did not have the desired result at all.

[Steph]

You bled??? Screw that! I am never doing waxing except for my eyebrows!

[maroki13]

CW, do you think you bled because you did it yourself or simply because it was your bikini line? Is that a common thing for waxing bikini lines?

[Steph]

Oh I didn't catch that she did it herself. But OWWWWWWWWWW!!!

[Complicated Woman]

I think part of it was the fact that I did it myself. I'm not sure if the wax was the right tempurature or if I pulled it too hard or if I didn't prep the skin properly. It was probably some combination of all three.

It was also hard for me to get in a good position to be relatively precise and I got some wax in hair I didn't want to remove. Not so fun. I think if you were going completely bare it might be easier.

I might try it again...but I wouldn't give it a test run too close to the wedding. I tried it last Wed. and it is still noticably bruised.

[Steph]

Well I Hope you feel better soon.

[Complicated Woman]

Thanks! I'm making it pretty okay...I think my ego was bruised worse than the inner thigh. I felt like a doofus.

[maroki13]

CW...would you ever go and have it done somewhere? It may be less painful and they definitely would have a better position to get only the hair you want.

I'm just recommending it because I'm still on a high from my great waxing experience.

[Complicated Woman]

Oh, yeah, I would.

I didn't mean to say "no waxing for me"... I just meant be wary of the at home waxing kits.

I will say that I do my own eyebrows with a waxing kit and it's great.

My only concern with having it done is the expense. I'm sure it would go a lot better with a professional doing the job.

[Steph]

I would be scared to do my own eyebrows with wax. Scared I would make them uneven.

[maroki13]

Yeah I would be scared to wax anything on my own I think. I just would be anticipating pain and wouldn't pull...I would keep counting "1,2,..." and never get to three.

[staceylynn]

There is definately a certian wax to use, and a way to put it on, and a way to pull it off. Temperature is important too....especially for your upper lip and eyebrows. I recommend that EVERYONE just pay to have it done...it is worth it. If you all could fly out to Germany...I would do it for free! Stacey

[PlanetClaire]

I have seen that before and it STILL brings tears to my eyes it's so funny!

Doing it yourself is terrible! I get waxed at a salon and my waxing lady is awesome. It hurts a little but not very much at all. And it usually hurts when I tense up!

[labeadel]

I've never bled from waxing my bikini area! Wow CW, that must've hurt like a B*^ch!

[ljeagle]

I'm getting my arm pit done tomorrow you got me scared to death. I hope it heals quick!

[Steph]

I didn't know people got their armpits waxed. Learn something new every day!

[JnJ]

I'm so tired of shaving I have been considering waxing.....maybe I won't be doing that myself!