Generous Gifts... - The PASH Wedding Forums and Message Boards

555Ann555 · #1 04-27-2006, 02:42 AM

What did you all do about people who have been far too generous, or given far more than you expected?

Did you write them a special thank you?

I tend to get a bit embarrased about it...

We've had a lot of gifts sent to us over the last week and some of them have been crazy.

The strangest being a work friend of Mo's who sent us £100 gift voucher for the store we registered at (that works out as $180). It wasn't from all of Mo's work friends though, just that one guy

What are you supposed to do when someone does that? It is far too much.
I'd maybe have thought we'd get that off of all his friends at work joining together, but that is definately just from one guy.

He must have though he could afford it if he sent it. And I don't want to insult him by refusing it, but I've never even met him!

It's not just this guy, we've ahad a few people give much more than they should have. Sould I just count my blessings & write them a lovely letter?

Any advice?

ljeagle · #2 04-27-2006, 02:46 AM

That's great! I would give them a special ty note.

Heather · #3 04-27-2006, 02:48 AM

Oh my goodness - I so know what you mean. Mike's Mom is very generous and it sometimes makes me uncomfortable. She got us a washer & dryer as a house-warming gift, but for our wedding she gave us a large cash engagement gift, and then doubled it for the wedding. I was shocked. I did send her a thank you note addressed to the whole family, but then I wrote a separate longer letter to her (on nice stationary).

I am a little embarassed when she does these things, but Mike reminds me that it's just how his family is. He calls it a "Long-Island NY thing". My family is from a small Northern NY town which couldn't more different from Long Island.

So, the short answer to your question is to accept graciously and send a nice thank you note. If you've never met him, it may be weird to send a longer, personal letter. I'm sure he'll appreciate the thank you regardless of how it comes to him.

555Ann555 · #4 04-27-2006, 02:48 AM

I just feel really akward about it.

I mean, I am grateful, but I'm never that great at receiving gifts & when it's totally overboard like this I feel even more lost.

ETA: I guess there isn't anything else I can do, I think I have to accept that this is what they want to give us. Maybe that is how much he likes Mo...

Mo's mum has been much like your MIL H... She already gave us a heap of money for the wedding, but now has given us cash gift and wants to pay for all the flowers and the church fees!

It's just blown me away how much everyone has wanted to help us. I guess I didn't realise how much everyone cared

maroki13 · #5 04-27-2006, 02:52 AM

That's awesome that people are getting you gifts you didn't expect. I would make sure you write a really nice thank you card/letter.

You could even say what you are planning on spending the money on if you wanted, to make it a little more personal?? I don't know....I always try and say that instead of saying "thank you for money", I'll say "thank you for thinking of me, I bought X that I needed with the generous gift you sent" or something like that.

ETA: Has everyone had the experience of people getting really generous gifts and surprising them for the wedding?? I don't want to seem greedy because I'm not, but I've heard from a LOT of people "so and so surprised us with the most generous gift that we didn't expect." Is this common? Already married people? I guess we are already a little surprised because his brother and his uncle (both have no money) have already stated they are getting us presents when we didn't expect anything but their presence the day of the wedding.

birdie · #6 04-27-2006, 03:11 AM

Ann, since the generous gift giver is from Mo's work, why not have him write the thank you? Since you feel slightly awkward about it, that would make things easier for you. Plus, Mo might be able to make the letter a little more personal.

swtdl11552 · #7 04-27-2006, 03:38 AM

Ann,

I had to get used to this because Eugene's family can tend to be over the top at times. I would suggest realizing that it isn't about YOU as much as THEM. It is what HE felt comfortable giving. I always said "I'm not comfortable taking that gift" and one day a social worker at my job overheard me and said "Shannon, it was what the person was comfortable giving...separate it a little and maybe you will be able to accept it better." We got into a debate over it and she said "So you mean to tell me you'd be more comfortable accepting a gift that made the giver uncomfortable?" And I was like "Holy shiznit batman..." Honestly, you wouldn't want to not be able to give what you want to give b/c the person wouldn't feel comfy cozy with it.

I also like the idea of Mo writing him a thank you!

Thats just my

I've been gone all day, so you're getting a busload of change from me to make up for all the posts I didn't write today!!

Steph · #8 04-27-2006, 02:49 PM

You could have his friend from work come over for dinner one night?

Just an idea.

555Ann555 · #9 04-27-2006, 05:37 PM

The funny thing is that Mo isn't that close to this guy either! He was as stunned as I was!

I'll definately write him a lovely letter, and hunt him out at the wedding so we can thank him in person.

Steph: we're a bit antisocial

We never have anyone over for dinner! maybe when we have somewhere to eat, but for now it is off our laps in front of the telly!

It isn't just that one guy though, it's old relations & friends of Mo's family... little old ladies that shouldn't be spending their money on us.

But like Shannon said: It's what made the giver happy to give. It's what they were comfortable with, so even if I think it is outrageous I'll have to gracefully accept. (because we could certainly do with the cash!

)

I guess it comes down to my being really touched at people caring so much

I'm not used to it!

labeadel · #10 04-28-2006, 01:51 AM

We also got very generous gifts for the wedding. I mean, we had good friends of ours give us like $400! And DH's boss gave us a $500 gift card! These people just got a very very nice thank you card where we thanked them very much for the extremely generous gift. That's really all you can do. I made a point not to say anything personally to these people as it was embarrassing for me too. I know they got the note and know how much it meant to us.

Marge129 · #11 04-28-2006, 01:37 PM

I simply wrote extra special TY's.

toothfairy1649 · #12 05-03-2006, 08:48 AM

Maybe on top of writing the person an extra special thank-you card....give them a phone call or pay them a visit and repeat how thankful you are to them for their generosity.

One thing I have tried to do to go above and beyond to say thank you for those extra special wedding gifts is to thank the person who gave it to me even years later. For example, one woman made a beautiful quilt for our wedding. Last year, around our 8th wedding anniversary I wrote her another thank-you card telling her how much we still enjoy the quilt she made. Later my mom called to tell me how she was so happy that we still liked our quilt and it made her even happier that we had thought of her again!!! Lynnie