No Gift Guests - The PASH Wedding Forums and Message Boards

JamieM · #1 04-25-2006, 10:57 PM

What, if anything, can a newly married couple do about guests who attended the wedding, but did not give gifts! We are not greedy people, but the audicity of these "no gift guests" really bothers us!

Complicated Woman · #2 04-25-2006, 11:02 PM

Don't send a thank you card...?

It's not like you can call and demand the gifts. And I think *technically* people have a year following the wedding to get a gift to you, according to ettiquette.

I could definitely be wrong.

At any rate, welcome to Pash!

feb-bride · #3 04-25-2006, 11:15 PM

First - Congrats on your wedding/marriage!

Second - You just have to let it go. You cannot waste time dwelling on a few people who did not give gifts. Some people think they have a year to send a wedding gift, but that's not really true; in fact, you're supposed to send your gift BEFORE the wedding, directly to the couple's home (or to the bride's parents' house, depending on your living situation).

When I got married, we had a few guests who did not give gifts (first marriage for both of us, so it's not like they'd already given me a wedding gift for a previous marriage). What I did was sent thank-you notes to thank them for attending my wedding and sharing in our special day. This way, in the off chance that they did send a gift and it just got lost, they would know that I didn't receive anything and could follow-up on the lost gift. If you don't acknowledge their attendance, and they really DID send you a gift, they may think you just didn't send out thank-you notes.

whiddle · #4 04-25-2006, 11:20 PM

Congrats on your wedding.

I think you're SOL on the gifts. I would send a TY for their attendance.

cru5h · #5 04-25-2006, 11:45 PM

Tell them they're not allowed in, of course! [/sarcasm]

I agree with Feb-bride, you'll have to let it go. You're not losing anything by them showing up and not giving you a gift.

Steph · #6 04-26-2006, 12:08 AM

Could they have possibly been having a financial struggle at the time? They might plan on sending a gift later on down the road.

ljeagle · #7 04-26-2006, 12:12 AM

I plan on sending them a ty card for coming even if they don't bring a gift.

syringa · #8 04-26-2006, 12:13 AM

There are any number of reasons why guests might not give a gift. They could be having financial issues; they may have ordered something that didn't arrive; etc., etc. You need to consider what is important - the people or the gift. If they were important enough to invite to the wedding, then it shouldn't matter whether they brought a gift or not.

whiddle · #9 04-26-2006, 12:18 AM

Try this site:

http://www.goingbridal.com/brideaudit.shtml

Heather · #10 04-26-2006, 12:22 AM

Hi there and welcome to Pash - you may not like what I have to say, but I'm being just as honest as you are.

Quote:

Originally Posted by syringa

If they were important enough to invite to the wedding, then it shouldn't matter whether they brought a gift or not.

Exactly.

Frankly I'm a little shocked you're calling it "audacity". What do you think you should do, call them up and ask why they didn't bring you a gift? I mean, I can appreciate your honesty about this, but at the same time I'm horrified. Seriously, what if someone could have only afforded to give you like ten bucks - are you ticked off at that too or would you think: "Hmm, that's better than nothing."

What you need to do is send them a thank you card like you would to any other guest, and thank them for attending and sharing in your special day - which is why you invited them in the first place (assumingly).

Heather · #11 04-26-2006, 12:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by whiddle

http://www.goingbridal.com/brideaudit.shtml

ljeagle · #12 04-26-2006, 12:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by whiddle

Try this site:

http://www.goingbridal.com/brideaudit.shtml

SuzyBride · #13 04-26-2006, 12:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Heather

Frankly I'm a little shocked you're calling it "audacity". What do you think you should do, call them up and ask why they didn't bring you a gift? I mean, I can appreciate your honesty about this, but at the same time I'm horrified. Seriously, what if someone could have only afforded to give you like ten bucks - are you ticked off at that too or would you think: "Hmm, that's better than nothing."

That's why I hadn't responded.. My first reaction to this post was 'oh my gosh, how selfish!' I don't really think so much emphasis should be put on getting a gift. How about the fact that these people took time out of their day to be a part of such a important day in your life?

deputysgurl · #14 04-26-2006, 12:48 AM

I went in not expecting many gifts, and was overwhelmed with them. I knew not everyone would bring one. You just have to cut you losses and move on.

555Ann555 · #15 04-26-2006, 01:41 AM

I have to agree with some of those above me: I would try very hard to appreciate the people that you wanted to share the day with, thank them for joining you by sending them a card and leave it at that.

Have I picked you up wrong? Have you really meant that you expect everyone to bring you a gift and if there isn't one you want to know why not?!

Why does it bother you that people chose not to give you a gift?

whiddle · #16 04-26-2006, 01:43 AM

555Ann555 · #17 04-26-2006, 02:07 AM

Did you do the quiz???

I can't resist those quizes! I have an entitlement of 1

Did you see the invoice for the guest?

Steph · #18 04-26-2006, 02:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by whiddle

Robyn Lynn · #19 04-26-2006, 02:20 AM

Welcome to Pash

When I went to my cousin's wedding in New York last summer I bought her a small personal gift. She and her husband live in California and it was mostly his family there so I think she appreciated those of us that came from out of town being there more than anything. My mom (back in California) bought her a wedding present and then put my name on it.

Heather · #20 04-26-2006, 02:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 555Ann555

Did you do the quiz???

I can't resist those quizes! I have an entitlement of 1

Did you see the invoice for the guest?

I did! I'm a 1 too. This was my question:

Is this really your wedding, or your mother's?

I answered: My wedding! I am the BRIDE!

SuzyBride · #21 04-26-2006, 02:40 AM

I am a 1 too!

rosefeather · #22 04-26-2006, 02:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by whiddle

Try this site:

http://www.goingbridal.com/brideaudit.shtml

rosefeather · #23 04-26-2006, 02:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SuzyBride

I am a 1 too!

Me three!

breezy · #24 04-26-2006, 03:30 AM

I'm totally with Heather with this one.

I was taken back by the word choice "audacity".

Neither of us cares at all about the gifts. We are having a small intimate gathering because it is important to us to be surrounded by the people that mean the most to us.

Granted those are OUR feelings and I don't want to impose them on you, but no were is it implied that a Guest (that IS what they are/were) MUST give a gift.

Why exactly were they invited. Was your motivation for them to share in your day or to recieve more gifts???

Send a thank you and be grateful they took time out of their busy lives to share in your day.

TheaterDiva1 · #25 04-26-2006, 03:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JamieM

What, if anything, can a newly married couple do about guests who attended the wedding, but did not give gifts! We are not greedy people, but the audicity of these "no gift guests" really bothers us!

That would bother me too, but there isn't really anything you can do. At least thank them for being there.