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redkay · #1 04-25-2006, 02:36 PM

I was always of the belief that the bride's parents pay for the wedding and the groom's parents pay for the honeymoon but my daughter said that i am wrong. Any wedding guru's want advise a dad on the proper etiquette?

swtdl11552 · #2 04-25-2006, 02:38 PM

Well...its not the same as it used to be!! I'm not the expert - the other girls on here can help you more than I can - but it isn't that cut & dry traditional anymore!! Explore the website and wait for the other girls to help you out - you'll get a wealth of knowledge on here.
Welcome to the site!!

Marge129 · #3 04-25-2006, 03:01 PM

I agree that it's not so "cut and dry" anymore.

Traditionally, the bride's parents will pay for the wedding ceremony and reception.

The groom's parents pay for the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner.

As for the honeymoon... it used to be the groom and his family... but most couples pay for their own honeymoon now.

Many couples now pay for their own weddings... or the bride and groom's parents split the cost of the wedding. The choice is up to everyone involved and who can afford to pay for what.

Emily · #4 04-25-2006, 03:08 PM

Tradition states that the Brides Family pays for the wedding and the Grooms family pays for the alcohol and the Groom is supposed to be the one who books and pays for the Honeymoon. (well that is NZ tradition anyway)

But... I dont think many people go by tradition these days - I think most couples will pay for their own Honeymoon these days and quite often you will find that the cost of the wedding is split in half for the Grooms family to pay half and the brides family to pay half or three ways with the couple chipping in the third way.

In our case my Mum and Dad are paying for two thirds and the grooms parents are paying a third and we are paying for our own Honeymoon.

But..... it seems to be different for every wedding these days, so I suppose you will just have to decide what you will all pay for amongst yourselves.

cru5h · #5 04-25-2006, 03:08 PM

Hmmm there was never an option of anyone but my fiance and myself paying for both the wedding and the honeymoon. So I really don't know of the proper ettiquette.

Heather · #6 04-25-2006, 03:09 PM

I don't think any couple should begin an engagement with the assumption that anyone besides themselves are paying for the wedding. Since you're the Dad assuming that you're paying - that's a very sweet gesture. I don't think it's true any longer that you must pay. Today, couples are older and have their own careers and are capable of paying themselves.

What my Mom did is present us with a cash engagement gift, and said we could do what we want with it. My husband's family did the same. That made up about 15% of our budget and we paid for the rest ourselves.

Steph · #7 04-25-2006, 03:44 PM

I don't believe that rule holds true anymore. Weddings today are WAAAY to expensive for the brides parents to pay alone.

ljeagle · #8 04-25-2006, 03:58 PM

What is the problem do you not want to help or is she not wanting any thing from you?

maroki13 · #9 04-25-2006, 04:50 PM

I think the best thing to do would be to sit down the the bride and groom and discuss finances so you are all on the same page. Are they expecting you to pay? Are they expecting you to simply contribute while they pay the rest? Are they expecting to pay for it all? And have they talked to the groom's parents, and if so, what are they contributing?

In my situation, both my parents and FH's parents told us they would like to contribute money for us to use how we chose. Once they told us how much it was, we figured out what we could contribute and set our budget. So their money was just 'wedding' money; it didn't go to pay for any one part of the wedding specifically.

breezy · #10 04-25-2006, 04:51 PM

What is she saying is happening not.

Most brides and grooms carry some if not all the finacial responsibility now days.

My parents are paying a set amount (nothing huge, be definately helpful and appriciated) We are paying a fair amount because we are going over that amount for what we want. We are paying for our own honeymoon.

My oldest brother and his FI are paying 100% for their wedding and honeymoon. They don't want help from anyone. (?) (granted they do well for themselves)

My best guy friend and his FI are paying 100% for their wedding and honeymoon.

My best girl friends Step Dad payed for the whole wedding. I think his Dad gave them $ for a down payment on a bigger house.

My other girl friend's Dad payed for the wedding and reception. There were guidelines though. He picked a reception spot that he knew the owner and got a great deal on, they had their wedding at a small inexpensive chapel.

SuzyBride · #11 04-25-2006, 05:40 PM

I don't think anyone is obligated to pay for anything.. Although traditionally the parents covered most the costs, nowadays couples are footing the bill, unless the parents offer to help. I agree that its not cut and dry anymore..

555Ann555 · #12 04-25-2006, 05:47 PM

I think it helps keep things under control if you offer to pay a certain amount, that way it doesn't start to push the limits further than you can afford...

My mum offered to pay for our reception which was great but what if we had decided to have a it in a castle? If she had offered a certain amount of money we could have put it towards the reception without her finances dictating where we could have it...

(btw that is just an example

I didn't want a castle!)

Having said all of that... I personally believe that the bride & groom should not be setting a date for their wedding unless they can afford to pay for it themselves.

wedbyjean · #13 04-25-2006, 07:06 PM

Traditionally the bride's parents pay the wedding expenses and the groom's parents pay the rehearsal dinner expenses (although some sources, including Emily Post, say the groom's parents also pay for the groomsmens' boutonnieres and the bride's bouquet). Now this is what is/was traditionally done, and I am of the mind-set that you should know the 'rules' and then bend them to fit your situation.

I am also in agreement with the above posts that state that no one (other than the bride & groom) are obligated to pay for anything. Society has changed, and the original reasons for why things were traditionally done in the way that they were done no longer apply.

justnmary · #14 04-27-2006, 07:06 PM

Here's my situation, whether it helps you at all or not: My Fut. hus. and I were planning on paying for everything ourselves. We're both in our 30's and feel we shouldn't depend or ask any family members to help with the cost. But his parents offered to cover the cost of the dinner and reception, which FH was against, (he's a very proud man), and my parents are in their 60's, one is terminally ill, and the other has severe health problems and they are both on a fixed income, so they can not help us out even though they want too. I feel very guilty that his side of the family wants to help, while mine can't. He's been very understanding and so has his parents, so I guess what I'm saying is, cover the cost of what you want and can afford to do (if you so choose) and let the rest work itself out.

labeadel · #15 04-27-2006, 10:30 PM

We went very traditional in my family and my parents paid for most of the wedding, while his parents paid for part of the photographer, rehearsal dinner and alcohol at the wedding. DH and I paid for the DJ, rings, marriage license, etc. All the "big" stuff was taken care of by our parents. And yes, we are established, money-making adults. Our parents wanted to help and we didn't really have any savings at the time, so we welcomed their assistance.

555Ann555 · #16 04-28-2006, 01:28 AM

Don't get me wrong, we're definitely getting a *lot* of help from both our families. There is no way we could afford the wedding we are having if they weren't funding a big chunk of it... but we would have been able to afford a wedding, just a much smaller one!

We're paying for our honeymoon & our photographer, the jewelery & gifts, the band & the kilt hire.

Mo's mum gave us cash to use (which actually covered the whole honeymoon so I should probably take that off of "our" list

), but is also going to pay all the church fees (priest, soloist, organist) and all the florists expenses.

My mum is paying for the reception (3 nights stay in the hotel for us, the food & service, a certain amount of alcohol), the master of ceremonies, the cars & buses, the cake, my dress & the dresses for the girls in my BP.

Yeah. We are getting a lot of help

Complicated Woman · #17 04-28-2006, 02:20 PM

My father is paying for just about everything. I've actually purchased some things on my own (i.e. my dress) and he's found out and left money in my car to make up for it!

My fiancé and I are young and don't honestly have a lot of money, and my father earns quite a lot.

He is very happy to pay for the wedding and even though I can be kind of proud, I'm extremely, extremely grateful to him for this. There is no way we could afford to have our huge families there and do it up so nicely if it weren't for how generous he has been and is being.