Marrying The Good Husband - The PASH Wedding Forums and Message Boards

Marrying_the_Good_Husband · #1 12-01-2005, 04:51 PM

I'm Jen, and I'm co-dependent, too!

(Love you, Margie! You crack me up!

). My hobbies include "diagnosing" other codependents

and posting on Bliss! LOL! Ok, seriously...

I'm Jen. I'm 31. I'm the mother of two children, a 9-year-old girl and a 6-year-old boy. I'm planning my second (and last!) wedding to Dave--the "good husband." The "bad husband" was Matt. We were college sweethearts, dating from freshman year, got engaged when we were 20 and still in school. Got pregnant at 21 and got married--daughter was born a month and a half after graduation. Thought it would be "happily ever after," but had no clue what we were getting into. Basically, he couldn't handle the stress off family and career and home ownership and responsibility--and so he turned to alcohol. My codependency kicked into overdrive during those years as I put up with his emotional abuse in hopes that he'd change. Eventually, I had enough and divorced him. Spent three years working on myself. Dated one guy seriously, a period needing to be alone, and then dated others casually--but all the while making connections about certain qualities that I was drawn to--which were all the SAME reasons why I WOULDN'T continue dating them. Realized it was ME who needed to "help" these "sorry souls." UGH! I actually vowed myself away from that after that epiphany and met Dave like 2 weeks later. I still didn't think I was ready to date. He, too, had spent like 4 years alone working on himself--meeting a lot of girls, but never letting anything develop with them because he could see the "issues" that were there. He and I just immediately clicked. So much so that I thought he HAD to be a "friend"--because I couldn't fathom a RELATIONSHIP feeling that open and good and secure with someone. I found out who I was for the first time with him. So, we took it slow the first few months, but it didn't take long after that to realize that was it. I guess it's hard to explain. When you've been codependent in relationships--as I had been in every other one--you just kind of don't really know who you are--your identity is tied into what you get (or don't get) from the other person. I never knew who I was. With Dave I just felt safe enough and supported and respected so tremendously, that I found who I was. hee-hee--People go backpacking across Europe to "find themselves"...I don't know about that physical trip, but it's definitely an arduous emotional journey. Anyway, Dave and I met June 2004. We got engaged April 2005 on a cruise. He moved in in July, and we're just building our family together--he's just had the most amazing impact on my kids' lives. And we're getting married October 7, 2006. Just taking my kids and going to Turks and Caicos to wed.

Complicated Woman · #2 12-01-2005, 04:57 PM

MTGH, awwww. My heart absolutely swells hearing(reading) you talk(write) about Dave. That's beautiful.

PlanetClaire · #3 12-07-2005, 06:59 AM

That's awesome! Do men who are great with kids realize just how damned sexy they are?? There is something just so incredibly touching about it! Makes me all mushy!

I worked for Club Med in "Provo" in 1990 when there were about 2 hotels there! Real estate at the time was really cheap! I should have bought some!

Marrying_the_Good_Husband · #4 12-07-2005, 01:34 PM

What did you think of Provo, Claire? Anything we should definitely see? Do you know anything about the Beaches resort, or was that built after your time?

Yeah, I think he knows how sexy I think it is!

PlanetClaire · #5 12-08-2005, 04:05 AM

Provo is BEYOOOOOOTIFUL! At least it was when I was there. Incredible white sand beach and calm,turquoise water!! I haven't been to that resort but Beaches are awesome properties ( ever been to a Sandals resort? Same people, just Beaches accepts kids- well obviously you know that!) I imagine it is even more beautiful as the trees were still quite young in most parts!!

There was a sealife sort of research aquarium place- can't remember the name- but I got a beautiful gold charm in the shape of a conch shell ( You must have conch fritters!!) there with pink conch shell inside. Apart from that there were about 3 gift shops(!!) that sold seashell knicknacks and Tshirts, the usual!

Are you familiar with any of the websites where travellers write their reviews and provide feedback? If not I'll give you some to look at!

If I had the means, I would LOVE to marry the way you are! On the beach, pretty, simple dress...lovely!!

Marrying_the_Good_Husband · #6 12-08-2005, 05:06 PM

Ooh! I'm getting even more excited reading your description, Claire! I can't wait! I am looking forward to the simple beach ceremony with just the four of us. Somehow I think the intimacy of that makes it more special to me. Maybe because I had the "big wedding" thing and it felt so I don't know--impersonal, unemotional--maybe that should have been the tip-off I was marrying the wrong guy! But I was 21 and pregnant!

I think this just feels to me that we're just centering on us--me and him and the kids coming together as a family. And it will be wonderful to have that vacation together! We'll check out that aquarium. Do you happen to know if there's a website to order those necklaces? I had initially ordered necklaces for my kids as part of a family medallion ceremony (but beach themed, since they'd more likely wear that then those ugly medallions), but the web site went out of business, so I was looking for other such necklaces. But I want to make sure I have them BEFORE we go--wouldn't want to scramble last minute.

PlanetClaire · #7 12-08-2005, 07:07 PM

I shall have a wee perusal in my photo albums to see if I have the name anywhere!!

I'm excited for you! It is sooooo beautiful there. If I find my pix ( I have a gazillion cuz I worked for Club Med for 4 years and was terrible at labelling my pix. Shame on moi!) I shall scan and post.

Marrying_the_Good_Husband · #8 12-08-2005, 07:45 PM

Whoo-hoo! Pictures! Thanks!