Complicated Woman

[Complicated Woman]

I'll try an abbreviated version. I'm kind of private in some ways.

But basically, I'm 20 years old (I think I'm the baby of Bliss!) and I live in NY, halfway between Albany and NYC. I grew up around here with my mom and my younger brother. My parents split up when I was 10, and I didn't really see much of my dad until I was a bit older and stopped blaming him for the divorce. Now we have a great relationship, though.

My dad is a really loving, devoted and patient man and he has shown me more grace than any other human being ever has. I am infinitely grateful for him, despite his faults.

My brother is 17 and totally fantastic. He is funny, he's smart, he's responsible and reliable and I am so lucky he's my brother. We're great friends and I love spending time with him.

My mom is a really fun and quirky lady who is, frankly, a little off. You might be able to tell from some of my other posts. She can be very narcissistic and abusive to others, depending on her mood. Living with her has certainly affected my self image and sanity, but I'm working through it. She has a lot of great qualities and everyone who met her would want to be her friend. It's just tough sometimes being her kid.

She was remarried 3 years ago to a great guy who is 14 years her junior. My step-dad works with troubled teens as an In School Suspension director/teacher. He designed a self-help curriculum to give the teens after their assigned school work was done in order to help them break destructive patterns. He works in the evenings teaching a GED class to local prisoners.

It took a while to warm up to him b/c of the age thing and other complications (he's 10 yrs older than me and moved in when I was 14, I had to keep it a secret from my dad and family, it was CRAZY!), but I really love and respect him a lot.

Two years ago, they had my sister, who is just fantastic. She is utterly adorable, she's very curious and rambunctious and I love being around her. She reminds me of what's important in life.

I am a follower of Christ. I came to faith when I was 15. I'm still amazed by God's message of grace and am driven nuts by the many ways that Christians don't proclaim it. My first love is Christ and I just want to be like him. I think he's great. This isn't a sell or anything (I hate when Christians are pushy, because Christ wasn't), but it's just part of me.

I'm currently working toward ordination and I serve as a youth pastor. I run a three-part weekly program for tweens and teens that has a laid back component where kids have an opportunity to hear Christianity's answers to life's hard questions and decide what they think, an intro component where they can come and ask more questions if they are curious, and a discipleship component for those who decide to follow Christ where we equip them to have a healthy relationship with God and guide them in developing a sound faith.

I love love love my job. I get to spend a lot of time with great kids (my group is mainly tweeners) and I adore them (mostly ).

I met Tom when I first started going to church 5 years ago. We were always friendly but we really clicked just over a year ago and are very much in love. He is the world to me. He's smart and funny and loving and he gets me and I get him. We look forward to figuring out life together. He is in every way a partner to me.

Crap, this is loooooong. It only took me 20 min. Gosh, I babble.

[munchkin]

haha don't worry Complicated, I'm 20 also, so we can be the babies together.

[feb-bride]

Thanks for sharing all that. It's nice when you get a better feel for who you're "talking" to!

[Complicated Woman]

Well, alright, even though my bio was soooo long, I really didn't say much about Tom and I and I wanted to have the story on here. For posterity, I guess....

We met as high school students at the same youth group...I had always thought he was really funny and cute, but we didn't know each other well at all. He ended up commuting to a local college, and I ended up going away to school. We were both seeing other people (he had been with the same girl for three years -- I'm a homewrecker! -- and I really wasn't at all serious about the guy I was seeing) and we actually first hit it off at this New Years Eve party we were both at with our SOs. His ex had a lot of issues -- she was very immature and self absorbed, among a lot of other things -- and she ended up spilling soda all over our host's white carpet and just walking away from it (who does that?), so I went and got a rag to clean it up. As I was cleaning it, Tom came over and apologized for his ex and we started talking. It wasn't anything romantic yet on my end, I really was just being friendly, but Tom says that he left the party wishing that he could have a girlfriend like me and not like the girl he was dating at the time.

Time went on and I ended up getting roped into counselling at this camp for high schoolers. Tom was the guys counsellor. We really found out we were very compatible at camp and he shared a lot with me about how hurt he had been by his then current gf. She had lied to him a lot, she told him she wasn't physically attracted to him (and you girls have seen his pic...clearly another lie ) and she really didn't appreciate him at all. (For example, for his 21st birthday, after they had been together for 2 and a half years, she bought him a tin of Pepperidge Farm cookies. Beyond being very cheap and impersonal, they were vanilla. He hates vanilla.) He went on and on about how he really was unhappy but he didn't think he would be able to find someone else.

Not wanting to be self-serving, I held my tongue about her actions and just told him I thought he was great and that he deserved to be happy. We talked about a lot of other stuff and as I watched him with the kids, I just felt so strongly that he was the sort of man I wanted to be with. He was devoted to God, he was loving, he was responsible and smart and funny. So, when I got home, I broke it off with the guy I had been seeing just in case. I found out later that he had done the same thing. As he puts it, he couldn't go his whole life knowing he hadn't done everything he could to explore a relationship with me because if I was what I seemed, I was the woman he wanted to marry. ::sigh:: He's sweet.

We ended up spending some time dating casually -- I didn't really want to rush into anything and didn't want to be a rebound girl for him, but within six weeks we both felt more connected to one another than we had ever felt to anyone before. The rest is history.

Tom is so wonderful. I've always had a hard time believing I was loved, and Tom makes it so easy. He treats me like gold and being with him is so easy and natural and familiar and exciting all at once. I've been in all kinds of relationships and have survived some traumatic abuse, and Tom is so gentle and understanding of everything. He validates me and reminds me that I am valuable and loved, no matter how I might be feeling and no matter how others have treated me. I can't tell you how much I love him. He's lived through a lot with a very crazy father, and things that others would use as an excuse, he dismisses as part of life. He is strong and capable and so very good hearted. I feel like the luckiest woman alive to be sharing life with him.

Sooo, that's our story!

[PlanetClaire]

CW, that's lovely! Thank you for sharing that.

Isn't it amazing to have a wonderful person to gush over?! LOL

[ljeagle]

Thanks for sharing you story. I'm just now getting to read most of them since I have been so busy. I say it was as hard on your Step Dad as it was on u. My Fh has a son 6 years younger then me and I'm learning a lot really fast...

[feb-bride]

What a great story about Tom. You are a very lucky woman (and he's a lucky man).

[Complicated Woman]

Okay, so I went to a bridal expo yesterday with my friend who is also getting married. I'm so afraid that by the time we can set a date, everything that we want will be entirely booked up.

On the plus side, however, I found a photographer that I really like with similar taste to mine. She has a strong preference for b/w candids and I loved the stuff that I saw.

I think I found a place that I like for the reception, too. It's only $65 a head, which isn't too bad for our area anyway, and it includes 5 guest rooms for the night, a honeymoon suite w/ jacuzzi for the night, a lounge for the wedding party during the cocktail hour w/ unlimited hor dourves and champagne, any flavor and design cake that I want (I described the pic I had to a woman from the bakery they use and she said it wouldn't require any additional charge), linens, floral centerpieces and votive candles for all the tables, and of course, all kinds of crazy yummy food.

And Tom is getting measured for his tux today b/c if we register and give them a $20 deposit, they'll give us his accessory package for $30 when they're usually $65, $50 to use however we want toward tuxes, and $20 off every tux that our groomsmen/ fathers rent. The woman I spoke with said the $20 is completely refundable if we change our mind at any point, that they'll measure him again closer to the wedding, and that any colors or styles we select can be changed at any time if we change our minds.

[555Ann555]

I missed your story the first time around

But it's lovely to read it all now, thanks for sharing CW, you and Tom both seem really blessed to have found each other! You sound increadibly compatible, was really lovely to read about you!

And congrats on getting some wedding stuff sorted that venue sounds great, you'll need to visit it with your camera and let us all see!

[Marrying_the_Good_Husband]

That's so exciting, Bryanne! Do you have a date set yet?

[Complicated Woman]

MTGH, no date yet...we're still waiting for him to get into academy, which starts next month -- but he still has to get his polygraph, medical, and psych exam and they STILL haven't scheduled him! We've been told by friends in other local depts that they often push things off to the very last minute and then rush you through, so we aren't too worried, but it's getting frustrating! But as long as everything goes well, we're planning to pick a Friday in November and do it. that everything goes according to plan.

[Marrying_the_Good_Husband]

Consider them !

[PlanetClaire]

You go girl!!!

[Complicated Woman]

Okay, just wanted to update you all.

Tom's scheduled for a polygraph this Friday at 2, which is the next step towards getting him definitely hired and into acadamy!

Please cross your fingers/pray/do a little lucky dance or whatever you do...

[Marge129]

*shaking my pregnant belly in a good luck dance*
*sitting back down before I hurt myself*

hehehe

[555Ann555]

Hope everything goes really well for Tom

[Marrying_the_Good_Husband]

LOL! As long as Tom doesn't have some "secret life" in crime, I'm sure he'll do JUST fine! But, good luck to him!

[bebe]

[Lizbet]

Wishing Tom the best!

[Complicated Woman]

Originally Posted by Marrying_the_Good_Husband

LOL! As long as Tom doesn't have some "secret life" in crime, I'm sure he'll do JUST fine! But, good luck to him!

LOL, I know, right? He's so nervous that he'll be nervous and fail somehow! He'll be happy to know you girls are sending him well wishes!!!

[bebe]

I totally understand how Tom feels CW! I have a TOTAL paranoia of polygraph tests for some dumb reason. I have never had to take one, and I can't imagine that I ever will have to take one. I just think that it reads your vitals and things to see if you are lying or telling the truth, so what if you are super nervous or paranoid and it comes back to say you are lying when you are not? I can see them asking a question that I am sensitive about or something, being worried that they will think I am lying, freaking out about that, and making my vitals go all over the place and having the polygraph read that dramatic change as a lie. Isn't that stupid? I bet Tom feels the same way about the polygraph! Sending even more crossed fingers and good vibes his way!

[deputysgurl]

CW- Matt has been through all of it before and he said it isn't bad at all. The worse part for him was academy becuase they work you to death. He said all that he has to do it be confident in himself and he will do fine.
My fingers are crossed for him.

[Kim&Bob2004]

CW I somehow missed it all earlier.......
What and inspiring story!

Anyway, SET THE DATE! :-)

Tom will do fine!

[SuzyBride]

GOOD LUCK TOM!!!!

[PlanetClaire]

Oh lord!! I read your post really quickly CW and thought "Wow , she's making him take a polygraph". LMAO!!!!

Go Tom!!!!!!