Wedding out of State - The PASH Wedding Forums and Message Boards

NoName · #1 04-12-2006, 11:58 PM

I am a regular member but don't want to post this under my name. I don't care to maybe have the bride or groom recognize me.

My brother is getting married out of state. In less than two months. It will be a significant amount of money for my family to travel there for the wedding. Airfare alone will prove to be almost $1000 (over 400 per ticket). The happy couple have yet to make firm plans for time of the wedding or even think about invites and it is just over a month away. Is it wrong for me to be thinking we shouldn't go. To cut costs of rooms and car rentals we would try to go early the morning of the wedding and leave early the next day, but still the whole trip would be expensive (including missed time at work for both DH and I), and we are on a budget. But the groom and bride may well be very upset that we don't, though if they wait much longer to decide on times we may be priced right out of plane tickets...... we CAN'T afford 500 and 600 or more tickets a piece.

Thank you for any advice!

cru5h · #2 04-13-2006, 12:17 AM

I think it's not worth it. I know it sounds cruel, but it's for one day - and it's not even your day. I would tell them up front, "We can't afford to go. I'm so sorry. We really want to be there, but we just can't swing it." Or something like that.

michaelsbride · #3 04-13-2006, 02:08 AM

i agree with cru5h BUT i know for my out of state wedding, i can understand that my friends and possibly even some family that cant afford to go.... i did however find realtively "cheap" tix at expedia that would be from orlando to san diego plus two nights in a hotel room for 732.00... its still a lot but if you dont have quite as far to travel you might find something more reasonable if you book flight and hotel together like that.... but if you cant go, your brother should understand. I know i do!

swtdl11552 · #4 04-13-2006, 04:13 AM

I would agree with the girls, especially because - they should've recognized that they needed to give you as much info as possible, as early as possible - to accomdate you going there. If he really wanted you there, he should've tried harder to make it HARDER for you to say no!

555Ann555 · #5 04-13-2006, 12:14 PM

I don't know how your family is, but I'd definately understand if my siblings couldn't make it to my wedding because it was too far & too expensive.

Just explaine that it isn't possible, that you can't put yourself in debt to see him get married, even though you'd love to be there.

Lizbet · #6 04-13-2006, 02:36 PM

I would tak to them as soon as possible and let them know that you won't be able to make it. If they are upset with you (instead of understanding), they should have tried harder to make sure you could be there by settling their plans sooner. But, I wouldn't wait until the plans are set to tell them you can't make it.

ladedah · #7 04-13-2006, 03:44 PM

Can you simply ask them to firm up plans so that you can make it and explain that if they can't, then you won't be able to attend for financial reasons?

I guess I don't know how your family is, but I would be upset if my brother couldn't make it to my wedding...of course I wouldn't be putting off setting plans til the last minute either..

I guess I'd need more information to give a good suggestion....sorry.

NoName · #8 04-13-2006, 05:10 PM

Thank you for all your advice. I would hope they would understand. I would love to go but expenses are way to much for last minute type stuff, if we could have had two or three months then we could have. In fact, just two weeks ago tickets were $100 less. I don't think they can firm up plans yet. I don't think they know......

We hate to buy tickets and not have time to make the two or three hour drive from the airport to the wedding..........

whiddle · #9 04-13-2006, 06:48 PM

I can't believe they didn't firm the time up first. Usually, it is one of the 1st things couples do. I would just tell them you can't afford to come.

Heather · #10 04-13-2006, 08:39 PM

If it were me, I would go - but I would go alone. I would want to be there with my brother, but to save money I would just leave the fam at home and go by myself. Definitely talk to him and explain the situation and tell him you need firm dates and times.

syringa · #11 04-13-2006, 09:25 PM

It seems odd that the wedding is only a month away and they have no firm plans as yet. That gives the impression that it will be a small and simple wedding. If you don't get concrete information soon, then you may have to decline attending. Surely he doesn't expect everyone to catch a last minute flight, unless you find a great discounted fare.

feb-bride · #12 04-17-2006, 07:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Heather

If it were me, I would go - but I would go alone. I would want to be there with my brother, but to save money I would just leave the fam at home and go by myself. Definitely talk to him and explain the situation and tell him you need firm dates and times.

This is exactly how I would handle it.

tmo · #13 04-18-2006, 09:23 PM

If you really want to go. Go on your own. be a representative for your family. I'm sort of in the same situation. One of my cousins, who's getting married, lives in Australia. I'd like to have my whole fam go but the trip would cost enough to feed a 3rd world country.

At least he's understanding enough that we might not make it. So I'm even debating about going myself.

You have to decide is it worth not going or worth the expence to be at your brother's side. That could depend on your relationship with him.

That is weird that they haven't firmed up details. Depending on the type of your job, leaving last minute may not be an option. It's almost kind of rude for him to expect you to drop everything for you to be there for him.