Dollar Dance and Buck & Doe parties - The PASH Wedding Forums and Message Boards

cru5h · #1 04-12-2006, 07:42 PM

Let's get it all in one place and make it sticky so the new-comers don't miss it. Please take the poll, elaborate if your answer isn't given.

These are not to include Jack and Jill showers. That is basically a co-ed shower (with a corny name), not considered the same realm as a Buck/Stag & Doe which is a party to generate revenue from its guests.

And incase anyone doesn't know what the Dollar Dance is: guests pay to dance with the bride and/or groom.

Lizbet · #2 04-12-2006, 07:58 PM

I said "if acceptable in your area". Meaning, if you have to ask, don't do it. But, if you've always expected to do it, because everyone does, go ahead.

Heather · #3 04-12-2006, 08:50 PM

I said nay. I find the dollar dance tacky unless it's done in your culture, not just your region.

ETA:

As for buck and doe parties - go for it.

ladedah · #4 04-12-2006, 08:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Heather

I said nay. I find them tacky unless it's done in your culture, not just your region.

explain to me your difference between culture/region because to me your culture can also carry some regional differences...KWIM?

555Ann555 · #5 04-12-2006, 09:01 PM

Is a buck and doe party a joint one?

I don't like normal stag nights/hen nights.

Warning: Personal opinion follows
Over here the women normally go on a pub crawl with a potty. They kiss guys, complete strangers for money, the potty is used to carry all the donated cash.

It's just a peck on the cheek, but I hate it with a vengeance. If you have to go begging for money you shouldn't be having a wedding

They get dressed up it stupid costumes; L plates, daft hats, wigs, veils etc. and just make an arse out of themselves.

I don't like it at all.

I'm having a 'hen night' but I've warned they girls that I don't want any that shit. I'd hate it.

Mo really does not want a traditional stag do either. It tends to revolve around slutty women, copious amounts of alcohol, and torture of the groom: stripping him/tying him up in public/getting him so drunk he wets himself. It just isn't fun.

We don't have dollar dances, well, not that I've ever heard of.

Heather · #6 04-12-2006, 09:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ladedah

explain to me your difference between culture/region because to me your culture can also carry some regional differences...KWIM?

I just edited my post about the buck and doe parties, but to answer your question, I agree that some of your culture is based on where you live, but not all.

When I say culture, I mean family history, background, ethnicity. When I say region, it's where you live. Period.

wembley · #7 04-12-2006, 09:14 PM

Buck and Doe Party?

cru5h · #8 04-12-2006, 09:15 PM

Kinda like... a quinceañera (sweet 15) is a cultural party for Hispanic girls, but is not limited to girls who live in Florida.

cru5h · #9 04-12-2006, 09:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wembley

Buck and Doe Party?

Money-grab party for a couple, usually funds a honeymoon.

555Ann555 · #10 04-12-2006, 09:31 PM

I think I misundersood the buck & doe idea

wembley · #11 04-12-2006, 09:46 PM

I guess I don't know about the buck and doe party to give my comments on that one but the dollar dance is very common and expected here. It's just part of a reception and no one thinks anything of it. In fact people are surprised if there isn't one. Those who don't wish to participate just don't go up.

I can totally understand if it wasn't common that it would look greedy and tacky though.

ladedah · #12 04-12-2006, 09:54 PM

I can't really comment on the buck and doe parties either...but to confirm...isn't it kind of like an engagment party for the B & G to get cash for their wedding?

Anyways, the dollar dance here is kind of like wembley said, it's expected and people would seriously ask you why you didn't have one, especially more so if you are going on a honeymoon...I think most view it as giving them a little spending money for thier honeymoon...when I donate I always think of it as "buy a drink on me"...and if you don't want to participate you don't have to.

syringa · #13 04-12-2006, 10:30 PM

Buck and Doe parties, also called Jack and Jill parties, are fund raisers to obtain money to pay for the wedding. They are not widely held, but are common in some rural areas of the northeast and in certain areas of Canada.

The members of the wedding party rent a hall and secure food, alcohol, and some form of entertainment, often games like pool, or possibly a band for dancing. The guests must pay a cover charge at the door to get in and then usually pay for food and drinks as well. After expenses are covered, the remaining money earned is given to the couple to help them pay for the wedding.

Blue Eyes · #14 04-12-2006, 10:34 PM

Oooh. Sticky one here. Well, my SIL had a money dance at her wedding and it seemed ok. I still thought it was a little tacky, and won't be having one at my wedding. However, it isn't totally customary here (with my family), so that's that. But I've heard of some that have one of the mother's calling out

amounts like, "A twenty", and "a fiver", and "A $100 bill!". That's tacky and embarassing for the bride.

I see the point though- pocket money for the honeymoon- but, personally, I think it's greedy and tacky. Don't want to start anything!!!! Just an opinion.

Complicated Woman · #15 04-12-2006, 11:18 PM

My family always did dollar dances...my dad was shocked to hear I didn't think we would...it's a very Italian thing and Tom and I both come from big Italian families, so I think we could probably have it and it would be fine, but I can see how some people might not like it.

Buck and doe seems a bit much to me.

But maybe that is a cultural thing also.

Heather · #16 04-12-2006, 11:27 PM

I was thinking of the buck and doe like a bachelor and bachelorette party - not a fundraiser. So - with that definition - I would never have a party to raise money for my wedding and I would be horrified if someone tried to throw one for me. I'm not even sure that I would attend one regardless of who is throwing it or who its for.

Steph · #17 04-13-2006, 01:25 AM

I've never seen dollar dances anywhere except parts of upstate NY and maybe FL? Not so sure about FL.

cru5h · #18 04-13-2006, 03:18 AM

Florida's a funny little place. You get as far South as Orlando and it turns into the Caribbean. But everything north of there is an extension of the South it seems. When I go up there it's so rural. So yeah, maybe northern FL would do $ Dances.

Kim&Bob2004 · #19 04-13-2006, 03:26 AM

If your family does the dollar dance, then it would be ok. I have only seen one wedding with it done and they had a western theme, but have heard of others. The doe and stag thing, well, I would never feel comfortable doing that..........

whiddle · #20 04-13-2006, 03:39 AM

It is not the norm here. However, my DH is italian and they always have dollar dances, so it was expected. We did the dollar dance but donated the money to a charity which our DJ announced after the dance. I felt weird getting paid to dance with people.

I would not have a Buck party or whatever. I don't believe in wedding fundraisers.

allison · #21 04-13-2006, 03:47 AM

Personally, I don't really like the idea of the dollar dance. But I think just about all of the family weddings I've been to had one. So it's a family thing here - don't know if it's a regional thing or not just because we're in the south.

sparklesweetie · #22 04-13-2006, 04:03 AM

My mom made reference here awhile back about us doing a dollar dance...I told her I wasn't sure if we were having one. She looked hurt. (That's my mom...MTGH, you should take a crack at her.) I'm not going to initate one, but if my mom or aunt (or some other female relative) went up and started one, what can I do, ya know? Guess I'm meaning to say I'm just going with the flow...not planning on having one, but if we do, oh well. They're pretty typical around here.

Jacqueline · #23 04-13-2006, 02:13 PM

i would have to it aggree with anne our hen/stag night suck big time as they only seam to take the mick out of the bride and groom

yes i am being dressed up for mine, but no i am not going round getting money (even if that happens it would go to a charity) plus i would feel cheep if i went round asking for it

no we dont have a dollar dance the only thing close round here is if you are at a greek wedding (normaly no offence ment to any one)

p.s. anne you forgot the stuiped for fit cards that the hen(bride) has to go and do

kenzies_mama · #24 04-14-2006, 09:51 AM

So what if one side of your family (including FILs) finds a dollar dance acceptable and expected and a few members of the other side believe it's tacky and have forbidden one to happen?

Marrying_the_Good_Husband · #25 04-14-2006, 01:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 555Ann555

Mo really does not want a traditional stag do either. It tends to revolve around slutty women, copious amounts of alcohol, and torture of the groom: stripping him/tying him up in public/getting him so drunk he wets himself. It just isn't fun.

Remind me to never be a groom in Scottland!

Quote:

So what if one side of your family (including FILs) finds a dollar dance acceptable and expected and a few members of the other side believe it's tacky and have forbidden one to happen?

I don't see how members of the other family can "forbid" something to happen at your own wedding. I suppose unless the concern is they're paying for the wedding and they say they won't pay if that happens?

As for my own opinions on the topic, I wouldn't personally have a dollar dance or a buck and doe. I've honestly never heard of them before I joined this site. But I've come to understand it is part of the wedding norm for a lot of people.