FMIL wearing white - The PASH Wedding Forums and Message Boards

UCF_bride · #1 04-12-2006, 04:11 AM

I guess by now, most of you know my style, so i'll just hit the ground running,

so...the story goes like this: I told everyone the colors for my wedding would be bergundy and white. Then I told my mom I wanted her to wear a red dress, to which she agreed. I then sent a picture of my mom's red evening ball gown to my FMIL so that she could dress appropriately. Two months later, she asks if she can wear a knee length dress that she has in the back of her closet. Now, I don't have a prob with her wearing a dress that she's had already, but knee length?! To a semi-formal evening wedding!?. So I decide to pick my battles wisely and bite my tongue.

A week later (today) she calls and says she bought the dress: It's white!! Excuse me for being bratty, but I thought it was rude to wear white bc it upstages the bride. And not only that, it doesn't match with anyone else who is in the bridal party!

Any input? Are the mothers allowed to wear white? And why do you think that she bought a white dress when she already knew my mom was wearing a red evening ball gown, and that everyone else was wearing red!

ljeagle · #2 04-12-2006, 04:23 AM

I belive I would toss a hint her way and say something like I was hoping you would find a red dress like every one else. Maybe she will get the hint and get a new dress. Maybe she don't think she will look good in red. I'm sorry but I don't think any one is to wear red but the bride.

Kim&Bob2004 · #3 04-12-2006, 04:33 AM

I don't know the official call on this one.... generally one doesn't wear white to a wedding outside of the bride, but I think if it is a white dress totally different than a bridal dress it could be ok. I have a white knee length dress that has a jacket in white (dress length long and see through type of material) and because my brother is getting married in a VERY WARM area was thinking of wearing it

. That or pink (if I can lose enough weight for it! LOL) Anyway, that is a regular guest, for a parent of the bride and groom I don't know..... I would say no.......

whiddle · #4 04-12-2006, 04:48 AM

I always thought that you don't wear white to a wedding unless you are the bride. I would let her know that you were hoping that she find a gown in the color of the wedding and the correct formality.

feb-bride · #5 04-12-2006, 05:10 AM

It is considered to be in poor taste for a guest (particularly one of the moms) to wear white to a wedding. It can be viewed as an attempt to upstage the bride.

Quote:

Originally Posted by UCF_bride

Two months later, she asks if she can wear a knee length dress that she has in the back of her closet....

A week later (today) she calls and says she bought the dress: It's white!!

I thought she already had something in the of her closet. If that's the case, why did she go out and buy a white dress? That's weird.

SuzyBride · #6 04-12-2006, 05:23 AM

A friend of mines step mother wore white to the wedding!

It was the talk of the town for a few months!

Ah, the small town..

Anyway, I would try to drop a few hints and see what happens!

555Ann555 · #7 04-12-2006, 11:40 AM

I'd be gutted if my FMIL said she had bought a white dress for my wedding

Maybe it's the glint of Bridezilla in my eye, but I don't want to be upstaged

I didn't even want the FGs or BMs in a light colour.

I don't know what is the best way to tell her that she's picked the wrong dress though

Are you close enought to just have it out with her without it causeing a big problem in your relationship?

(my FMIL just announced she's wearing Cerise

)

cru5h · #8 04-12-2006, 01:31 PM

I actually wouldn't care what my FMIL wore. I just am not hung up on stuff like that. Sorry, I have no advice for you.

UCF_bride · #9 04-12-2006, 01:31 PM

I want to say something but when everytime Josh and I talk about his parents and the wedding, he brings up how they can't afford this and can't afford that....so i don't want to make it seem like I'm inconsiderate of that fact. I just assumed everyone knew the rule regarding weddings and wearing white. Maybe she's trying to be subtly spiteful...ugh!

Quote:

Originally Posted by feb-bride:
I thought she already had something in the of her closet. If that's the case, why did she go out and buy a white dress? That's weird.

That's what I don't understand....maybe I can just get her to wear the knee length one instead....i mean...at least it's the same color, right?

555Ann555 · #10 04-12-2006, 04:12 PM

You haven't seen this new dress yet, have you?

It just croosed my mind that although she's said white, it could be a print on a white background... It might not be too bad.

Is there any way you can get to see it soon?

Marrying_the_Good_Husband · #11 04-12-2006, 04:21 PM

I agree with Suzy that the other guests might be talking all about it--which would reflect poorly on her. Really, is anyone going to confuse HER for the bride?

Does she have issues with wanting to "upstage you"?

Who knows, but that won't happen, obviously. If EVERYONE else is wearing red, though, I don't think it would be a problem that you request she wears red. She may have been confused if you said my colors are white and red, so please dress appropriately. She may have thought she had an "either/or" option.

Heather · #12 04-12-2006, 04:43 PM

If your wedding is semi-formal, why is your Mom wearing a ball gown?

I would definitely ask your FMIL to wear something other than white...

Sh@ks18 · #13 04-12-2006, 04:56 PM

I agree that you should see the dress first. If anything, maybe you can tell her to exchange it for something more "formal" and go with her to pick it out? - Just a suggestion

ladedah · #14 04-12-2006, 05:30 PM

I would look at the dress and if it truly is completely white, I would just make a suggestion to her about how you hoped she would wear a red dress.

Sereniti71 · #15 04-13-2006, 01:56 AM

Hi UCFbride. My MIL wanted to wear white.

I had my DH talk with her about appropriate or "complementary" colors. I gave him some colors to give her to choose from and I asked that it be floor length because all the other dresses in the party were. Maybe DH can help you, or if you have a good relationship with her, you could gently bring up he subject and perhaps go shopping with her. Good luck and keep us posted.

Jacqueline · #16 04-13-2006, 02:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by UCF_bride

Any input? Are the mothers allowed to wear white? And why do you think that she bought a white dress when she already knew my mom was wearing a red evening ball gown, and that everyone else was wearing red!

base on the books i have seen your FMIL is ment to wear long if your mum dose and she is aso ment to complment the brides mother

and no one in the BP is ment to where white unless told to by the B and G

if i was in your shoe i would havea word as i would not want my FMIL wearing white if i was either but thats just me

UCF_bride · #17 04-15-2006, 04:27 AM

well, I talked to my fiance and all he mentioned that the dress has some sort of floral design. that takes down my anxiety a little, but it still is a little odd since the rest of the bridal party (except for the fathers and usher) will be wearing red.

I'll just have to keep my fingers crossed that it doesn't clash too much

ljeagle · #18 04-15-2006, 04:39 AM

She won't look like a part of the wedding party. But there is nothing u can do about it and the more I think about it no one will be looking at her. All eyes is on the bride!

maroki13 · #19 04-15-2006, 04:43 AM

A floral design of the same color? Or the base color of the dress is white with a colored floral design over it?

I also wonder, if the dress is all white, if you could ask or suggest that perhaps she wear a shawl or a wrap...that could be red and coordinate with the wedding party, and hopefully take away from the fact that she is wearing white.

UCF_bride · #20 04-15-2006, 04:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ljeagle

But there is nothing u can do about it and the more I think about it no one will be looking at her. All eyes is on the bride!

this is true.... I guess I shouldn't worry about it that much. it's still just the principal of it though.

and i don't know what color the floral pattern is....I'm supposed to be getting a picture of it sometime soon, but i'm not holding my breath...

syringa · #21 04-15-2006, 04:55 PM

Actually, the mothers choose dresses that compliment the wedding colors. They don't have to wear the wedding colors. I would guess that because your colors are red and white and your mom is wearing red, she chose to wear the other color - white. Not all moms realize that they shouldn't wear white or near white.

If the dress is patterned, that could mean that it is rather casual, since dressier dresses are usually solid colors. Just remember, she is the one wearing it, so she is the one who may look out of place. It won't be a reflection on you. Another thought is that she will appear in some of the wedding photos. Will she feel appropriately dressed for that?

Complicated Woman · #22 04-15-2006, 05:30 PM

I've not asked my mom or FMIL to wear wedding party colors.

I personally would rather have them choose colors and styles that they feel smashing and confident in so that they can look back at pictures and feel good about their appearance in them. They should have fun at the party, too!

Unless FMIL shows up in a wedding dress, I wouldn't sweat it. You'll look like the beautiful bride.

abyss · #23 04-19-2006, 10:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Complicated Woman

I've not asked my mom or FMIL to wear wedding party colors.

I personally would rather have them choose colors and styles that they feel smashing and confident in so that they can look back at pictures and feel good about their appearance in them. They should have fun at the party, too!

Unless FMIL shows up in a wedding dress, I wouldn't sweat it. You'll look like the beautiful bride.

I totally agree with you on this one, no one is going to notice or care unless she shows up in a wedding dress too.

My colours were yellow and white and my mom wore a royal purple. MIL wore an ao dai that had white pants and a yellowish/gold coloured top. MIL matched perfectly but my mom was completely different. I didn't care at all, my mom looked amazing.