Are you less married? - The PASH Wedding Forums and Message Boards

whiddle · #1 04-11-2006, 03:55 AM

Do people really think that a couple is "less married" if they do not get married in a church?

When reading people's posts- I see things making comments that hint that church weddings are the best and anything else is less or when a future bride is trying to explain an idea and they say "Im not getting married in a church"

What do you think?

swtdl11552 · #2 04-11-2006, 04:04 AM

I don't think that anyone is "less-married" if they are not married in a church. There are so many reasons to NOT get married in a church. I'm not (even if I could) because we are paying for the whole thing ourselves. It'll cost a lot less money (limos & flowers & photographer) to have it all done in one place.

I think its sort of like...well, like being a single mom. People hear you say "i'm a single mom" and sometimes their immediate reaction is a sympathetic sigh and a "ohh it must be so hard." Or something to that effect. I feel that its the same with this. Some people might unintentionally respond to "we're not getting married at a church" by saying "Ohhh, well it'll be nice anyway. Look at the bright side...." etc. So...I really think its just - its the tradition of it. I don't think it is anyone believing that you are less married than the next guy who weds in a church!

I cannot believe how long this just was! I'm sorry, I've been busy all night - I've missed posting

ljeagle · #3 04-11-2006, 04:06 AM

NO I don't think it is any different. If I was not so scared of the weather I would have a out doors wedding.

SuzyBride · #4 04-11-2006, 04:06 AM

I don't think anyone is less married.. to me that is like being "kinda pregnant", ya know? I got married in a church in a religious ceremony, so I see myself as being religiously, spiritually married as well as legally married, if that makes any sense. But I don't think people who don't get married in a church or in a religious ceremony are not as married as I am.

rosefeather · #5 04-11-2006, 04:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ljeagle

NO I don't think it is any different. If I was not so scared of the weather I would have a out doors wedding.

Yep. Me too. I don't think it's any different. I think that since traditionally, people are married in a church and it is sometimes kind of "expected".

Oops, I lost my train of thought. I'll try to finish later. My brain rambles faster than my poor fingers can type.

whiddle · #6 04-11-2006, 04:20 AM

Quote:

We are planning a religious ceremony (neither of us will settle for anything less).

I am referring to comments like this. There have been others but I picked this one because the poster has not been on since this post. I erased the posters name so she doesn't feel "called out"

swtdl11552 · #7 04-11-2006, 04:27 AM

Ohhh Whiddle...I see what you mean. But I think that is truly just based on what "their" ideals are. Ya know? For them, settling for anything less wouldnt be appropriate. And I am positive that no one would write something like that thinking it might offend someone else.

I could write "We're getting married by the ocean..neither of us will settle less." That certainly doesnt mean your marriage by the mountains isn't as good...ya know? It isn't about you sweetie...don't feel badly!!!

whiddle · #8 04-11-2006, 04:32 AM

I don't feel badly. I was married last year in an outdoor courtyard. I just find it interesting that some people either make excuses for things by saying "I can do this because I am not getting married in a church" or "I can't have anything less than a church" I am not sure I am communicating my point correctly. I'll have to come back and try to explain when I am not so tired.

ljeagle · #9 04-11-2006, 04:32 AM

I think a religious ceremony and a church wedding can be two different things. By saying religious ceremony I look at it as being married in the eye of the lord not just by law. I don't know if this was me or not but I know I have said things like that. I am having a religious ceremony in a church but even if it wasn't in a church it would still be a religious ceremony. But that still don't make me more married then someone who choses to be married in a park with out it being a religious ceremony.

whiddle · #10 04-11-2006, 04:44 AM

Ok, I think I can explain this properly now. I feel that your faith is between you and God (or whoever you believe in). If you have true faith in God, then He would be with you wherever your marriage ceremony is held at so nothing would not be any "less." When people post (or say) things that I have mentioned before I automatically think that they are just trying to look proper or like they are doing things the "right" way. As I mentioned before, I was married in a religious ceremony in an outdoor courtyard. DH and I knew that our God (although we do not believe in the traditional way) would be with us wherever.

It kind of grates on my nerves when people imply that getting married in a church is the "nicest" way to get married. In your face religion bothers me. If you are a true believer, people can tell by your actions not your declarations of faith.

*Not trying to start a religious war*

lj- I was not talking aobut you.

Heather · #11 04-11-2006, 04:49 AM

Whiddle I saw the comment you quoted and I had to bite my tongue too. Hard. I may have drew blood.

SuzyBride · #12 04-11-2006, 04:49 AM

I completely get what you are saying..It's like some people who get married in a church look down on those who don't in a condecending, I'm better than you kind of way. I got married in a church but I wanted to get married outside.. Personally I see no difference because if you are truly a religious person the spirit lives with you where ever you are, not just when you are in a church, ya know?

ljeagle · #13 04-11-2006, 04:52 AM

by someone saying We are planning a religious ceremony (neither of us will settle for anything less). I think it is just there way to say we are religious and this is what we want for our wedding. In no way do I think it is putting other people down for not having a religious ceremony. I'm trying to figure out the way you are looking at it. In no way would I be married with out a religious ceremony just because my lord is a big part of our life. But that don't mean that I'm going to look at someone that wasn't married in a RC and think I'm better then them.

whiddle · #14 04-11-2006, 05:00 AM

I just don't agree with anything other than a religious ceremony being LESS.
You said that you wouldn't settle for anything ELSE. Which is fine- different but not less you see?

ljeagle · #15 04-11-2006, 05:05 AM

I don't know how my settle got red I didn't mean for it to be I just hit the bold.

whiddle · #16 04-11-2006, 05:11 AM

It wasn't red on my screen.

ljeagle · #17 04-11-2006, 05:14 AM

It was mine for some reason I went back in and changed it.

cru5h · #18 04-11-2006, 01:53 PM

No, I don't think there is a way to be less married because you didn't do it in church. It would be hypocritical for me to marry in a church since I am not into organized religion, and, in fact, don't follow a single religion in its entirety. I never have.

You should marry somewhere that means something to you. That is church for many people. Just not me. I don't see marriage as being in the "eyes of God" either so that's where my point-of-view is way off from most people's.

But assuming everyone else is with the "eyes of God" thing - how much closer could you get than standing in the nature and world he created?

Lizbet · #19 04-11-2006, 03:07 PM

I guess I just didn't read that statement the same way you did, Whiddle.

When I read it I saw it as a statement that the member's ideal is a church/religious ceremony. So, for them, anything else would be less.

But, I can see how you might interpret it differently. And, as a Southern girl living in the Bible Belt, I can say that yes, some people do think less of others who are not married in a church. Though I am not one of them, I have witnessed this discrimination. In fact, I believe that if I had wanted to marry anywhere but in a church, I probably would have felt some of that bias from DH's family.

So, my response to you, Whiddle, is that eventhough I'm not sure that particular statement meant what you perceived it to mean; I do know that some people will look down on others who did not choose to marry in a church/religious ceremony.

breezy · #20 04-11-2006, 03:49 PM

I understand what you are saying, but no I don't see either as better.

Alan and I both have a fundamental belief in God but not structured religion. This wedding is about us. It would be hypocritical for US to get married within the boundaries of church walls.

We read the Bible to the kids each night---this year. But in prior years we never did. This makes us neither better or worse than those that don't. It is a choice WE made.

While neither of us wants an overly religious wedding, and won't be having most of the Traditional Bible readings. I view our outdoor wedding as being married under Gods canopy. That's just me

I think each wedding is special when it's a celebration of the couple and their style. *I* don't recognize any style of wedding as superior.

Steph · #21 04-11-2006, 06:19 PM

Being married outside of church doesn't make you any less married. God is wherever you are looking over you. He doesn't just exist in church. (That is of course for those people that believe in god. But, you know what I mean.)

swtdl11552 · #22 04-11-2006, 07:26 PM

Well - I guess I can see what you mean. I don't think anyone should be judged on where or how they get married....Fact is - married couples are two consenting adults who want to spend the rest of their lives together. Some faiths allow this to be in any setting, some people don't have ANY faith and do it solely in the legal sense. I do understand why you would have felt that your plans were being degraded - just keep your chin up. Don't worry about it. It isn't about you personally I'm sure, although I didn't read that post that you're referring too. I might have read it the same way if I read the whole context!

Jacqueline · #23 04-11-2006, 07:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by whiddle

Do people really think that a couple is "less married" if they do not get married in a church?

When reading people's posts- I see things making comments that hint that church weddings are the best and anything else is less or when a future bride is trying to explain an idea and they say "Im not getting married in a church"

What do you think?

i dont see how any one can be less married it's as easy as this

not married or married there is no inbetween

and people in my mind who say that someone is less married are small minded people who cant see past the end of there face

555Ann555 · #24 04-11-2006, 08:05 PM

I don't think it's a case of looking down on, or judging those who were married outside the church.

I think it's just a point of personal preference.

I think it's like Lizbet said: This person's ideal wedding would be a church wedding therefore anything else would feel like settling for second best to her.

I don't understand how you could feel that was a value judgement on your marriage.

breezy · #25 04-11-2006, 08:15 PM

I'm just sitting here pondering...

I don't think I've ever asked someone HOW they got married. Have any of you married women been asked?