We’re harmonious! - The PASH Wedding Forums and Message Boards

wembley · #1 03-30-2006, 03:14 PM

We took the pre-marital inventory, Prepare, about a month ago and have been waiting for the results to come in and to find a time we could actually meet with the pastor to start our pre-marital classes. Last night we were able to go in and we found out that we have strengths in most every category and the ones that are growth areas were only small things that actually related back to our strengths.

If you aren’t familiar with the inventory, you each fill out a long questionnaire rating how much you agree or disagree with different statements relating to a range of topics. Then they analyze how each of you answered and how it relates together. In general you can be a conflicted couple where therapy is a must and questioning the relationship might be a plus. There is the traditional couple where basically the man is the man and the woman is the woman. This isn’t a problem if both feel this way. It can be touchy though because if one isn’t all the way there or changes, it can lead to a conflicted relationship. The other two options are harmonious and vitalized. They are close in the fact that both have each of the people in the relationship happy and working together; very much in love. The main difference is that the vitalized couple has one or both members more vocal and outgoing. Harmonious is more the non-verbal stuff. Either is good, you just have to be careful if you are vitalized and both trying to be verbal and then butt heads.

Each of the different areas becomes strength areas or growth areas. There are topics such as relationship satisfaction, friends and family, finances, children, sexual relationship, cohabitation items, spiritual life, and so on. The areas we had in our growth areas were conflict resolution and spiritual life. The thing is that we talked about how once we get to a conflict, we talk about things and work them out. We both can share and listen to each other. The problem we run into is the fact that we care for each other so much that we don’t want to hurt the other one and so don’t always bring up problems in the first place. The spiritual life one is also not really a problem. We both have the same basic belief system, it’s just that he grew up Catholic and I grew up Baptist and we just have to figure out where we’re going to end up together. Right now it’s not as big as when we have kids and then need to raise them in a particular way. We’ll get there though because we’re both open to the topic, we just haven’t tried our options yet to know what we want.

We’ll keep going in next week in our next class but I was just excited to see that we really are right on track and happy just like I thought.

Lizbet · #2 03-30-2006, 03:27 PM

That's cool, Wembley. I'm glad you and your FH are on the right track.

cru5h · #3 03-30-2006, 03:33 PM

yeah!

Marrying_the_Good_Husband · #4 03-30-2006, 04:09 PM

That's awesome, Annie! How do you take this test? Did you get it from the pastor, or is this something anyone can buy on the net or something?

Lizbet · #5 03-30-2006, 04:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Marrying_the_Good_Husband

How do you take this test? Did you get it from the pastor, or is this something anyone can buy on the net or something?

I was going to ask this, but I knew you would, MTGH.

wembley · #6 03-30-2006, 04:20 PM

I can't get there to look for sure becuase I'm at work but they have a website: http://www.lifeinnovations.com and I know they have a mini inventory you can take online. I don't know if you can just order the tests online or if you have to go through someone that is official to get them, it's not just a church thing though, it just happens that the pastor is the one we're doing our pre-marital classes with and he uses these as a tool.

They have different versions depending on where you're at. In college we took an individual one that was interesting. This time it's for the couple about to get married. They have ones for couples that are about to get married that have been previously married before, have kids already, and are cohabitating as well. I believe they also have inventories for those who have been married for awhile.

It's a really good tool to see where you're at and where that falls in relation to your partner. It then gives good tools to work on those areas that fall in the growth area.

breezy · #7 04-26-2006, 08:18 PM

I wanted to share that we are "harmonious" too

The Pastor had us do an additional excersise in his office. He gave us a list and had us pick the 3 that we each as individuals felt were our greates strength and the 3 that we were weakest in.

It was kinda cool to see that 5 out of the 6 we both picked the same exact things. It just gave us both a warm fuzzy to see how far we have come and how our hard work and investment into our relationship has paid off!!!

cru5h · #8 04-26-2006, 08:24 PM

YAY for your harmony!!

555Ann555 · #9 04-27-2006, 06:17 PM

yeah!!

(I'm off to look at the test: I'm a sucker for quizzes!)

DragonYoga · #10 05-16-2006, 06:31 PM

THAT is such a great idea! I think I'll tell my FH about this, and wait til about 6 months before the wedding, since we'll know each other much better by then, then do this so we don't walk into this with any unrealistic expectations. It's strange, but we are both laidback but because of the way our relationship works, I end up being the dominant one. Not that I henpeck him or anything, he does his share, but usually when I ask his opinion for what to do next, he goes "Whatever you want, beautiful" and I have to press him since I don't want him to think I'm trying to control him! lol.