I need help! - The PASH Wedding Forums and Message Boards

Complicated Woman · #1 03-30-2006, 02:48 PM

Okay, here is my dilemma.

I recently complained about Tom's cousin whose invitation to her bridal shower included a scrap of paper that read:

"Money and gift cards accepted in lieu of gifts."

It also had a clip art picture of the hand holding out money on it. Well, it's this weekend.

I'm going, because FMIL loves the woman and I know that in her own misguided way, the cousin means well, even though she's a major PITA.

She's also a Seventh Day Adventist and she is super in your face rude about it. As in, she probably won't come to our wedding because it's after sundown on Friday BUT she expected Tom and I to come to her wedding on Sunday morning because "Saturday IS the real Sabbath." Whatever. She really hacks me off, and she hacks off the rest of my future in laws as well.

Anyway, I so don't want to give her a giftcard. And the only place I want to give her a giftcard for would be a local sex toy shop.

Tom's mother thinks this is a hysterical idea.

She's 40 and really does have everything she needs for the home. What should I do? Suck it up, bring a GC? Get the sex toy one and let it be? Buy her lingerie? A normal present, like candles?

michaelsbride · #2 03-30-2006, 02:53 PM

i think the sex toy would by awesome!!! my good friend has been threatening me with doing that because i need "a real vibrator" but i told her there will be two 13 year olds there so she needs to have it marked to open after they leave! Wrap it up all nice and pretty like a shower gift is so she opens it in front of everyone!

on a bit more serious note (not that i was totally kidding) if you really feel that uncomfy about getting her a gc or money, you could totally get her a nice engraved photo album or something like that.

Lizbet · #3 03-30-2006, 02:54 PM

I would do both. I would get a small GC for the sex toy shop (small, since she probably won't use it just out of spite) and a regular gift like candles.

Marge129 · #4 03-30-2006, 03:25 PM

Gift card from the sex shop!!!

(oh, and while you're there....

)

cru5h · #5 03-30-2006, 03:31 PM

I woudn't buy her a thing.

You know how I am though. If she was coming to my wedding and I didn't really want her there, I wouldn't care if her "punishment" was to not show up, or to not bring a gift.

Marrying_the_Good_Husband · #6 03-30-2006, 04:15 PM

I think I would just give a token gift or whatever you wanted to give anyway. If someone is RUDE enough to say, "Didn't you see the note?! Money or GC only!" I'd say with the greatest sincerity I could muster, "Oh, you were serious? I thought that had to be a joke, what with the graphic of the hand holding the money and everything!"

Jennifer · #7 03-30-2006, 04:56 PM

Why not get her a GIFT from the sex shop and wrap it like a gift and NOT put your name on it, LOL! Then she will open it in front of everyone! Then get her a small gift like a home decoration or something with your name on it so it doesn't look like you came empty handed.

OH..and I totally would say exactly what MTGH said "Oh, you were serious? I thought that had to be a joke, what with the graphic of the hand holding the money and everything!"

That is exactly my personality though.

whiddle · #8 03-30-2006, 05:18 PM

I would bring the sex store GC. There is something too funny about a pastor giving out sex store GC. OR, I would give her nothing.

ladedah · #9 03-30-2006, 05:21 PM

I would do the token gift like a candle or picture frame or something...I would NOT give cash or a giftcard.

breezy · #10 03-30-2006, 05:28 PM

What about a GC to the Christian Bible Store. That way she might perhaps purchase something useful AND learn acceptance of others, and that greed is a sin.

Seriousely I would just give a token gift and NOT a GC (simply because she asked for that)
How about a new frying pan, for dear cousin to knock some sense into her with!
Or a bag filled with gag gift stuff, like fuzzy handcuffs, warming lotions, massage tools stuff that is inexpensive on your budget but still typical WS stuff.
Cookbooks are always typical and everyone can use a new and fun one.

If you really wanted to rise above it all, you could even contact family members and get recipes and put together a scrapbook/cookbook for her.

Or bring a blank photo album and index cards and ask everyone to write a little something to the bride on it. Their favorite memory, wishes for the bride ect.

feb-bride · #11 03-30-2006, 05:32 PM

I voted for the GC to the sex shop. After all, she DID ask for GCs, right? Maybe she'll learn the old addage "be careful what you wish for."

Jennifer · #12 03-30-2006, 05:48 PM

I would be just as mad as you about her saying to bring GCs only. But...to play devil's advocate...what if that is all you really wanted? Or what if someone got you a random gift that wasn't on your registry? Would you care? I know it is different and varies by region...but where I live, it's very inconsiderate to buy a gift not on the registry. What's the point of registering if no one uses your suggestions?

feb-bride · #13 03-30-2006, 05:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jennifer

But...to play devil's advocate...what if that is all you really wanted? Or what if someone got you a random gift that wasn't on your registry? Would you care? I know it is different and varies by region...but where I live, it's very inconsiderate to buy a gift not on the registry. What's the point of registering if no one uses your suggestions?

IMO, there is a big difference between a store registry and a note that specifies GCs and cash only WITH A HAND AND MONEY GRAPHIC ON IT.

Besides, the cousin didn't specify WHERE to buy the GCs, so why not at a sex shop?

Jennifer · #14 03-30-2006, 06:00 PM

You're right. I think it is super crappy...I was trying to justify it but I guess I didn't do a good job, LOL!

feb-bride · #15 03-30-2006, 06:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jennifer

You're right. I think it is super crappy...I was trying to justify it but I guess I didn't do a good job, LOL!

The reason you didn't do a good job justifying the behavior is because the behavior is unjustifiable, and it's something that I know you'd never do.

michaelsbride · #16 03-30-2006, 06:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by feb-bride

I voted for the GC to the sex shop. After all, she DID ask for GCs, right? Maybe she'll learn the old addage "be careful what you wish for."

Steph · #17 03-30-2006, 07:14 PM

The gift card. haha.

ljeagle · #18 03-30-2006, 09:08 PM

I would get her a gift there is no way I would get someone a GC or cash if they are that tacky to put that on the invite.

Kim&Bob2004 · #19 03-31-2006, 12:59 AM

Oh Byranne, the naughty side of me says to take a sex toy GC and lube

. But the practical and sweet side of me says to take something nice but simple. A picture frame, vase, table cloth, etc.

I was raised in the seventh day adventist church, not all the members are hypocrites but many can be and rival the characters in Voltaire's Tartuffe! YIKES! But I think that is the way with many churches. BTW, if she says she can't come to your wedding because of the sabbath issue maybe mention to her about Christ and the disciples picking grain on the sabbath and that Christ's first miracle was at a wedding. We had a few 7th dayers at our wedding and they didn't have a problem with missing church for it........... they still got a sermon!

(although a really short one about marriage etc....).

PLEASE LET US KNOW WHAT YOU BUY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Complicated Woman · #20 03-31-2006, 01:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kim&Bob2004

I was raised in the seventh day adventist church, not all the members are hypocrites but many can be and rival the characters in Voltaire's Tartuffe!

Ohhhhh, I hope I didn't make it sound like I thought they were!

I just wanted to explain the whole "conflict of Sabbath" situation...

I'm really leaning towards the sex shop GC....but I might still chicken out. We'll see. I promise to let you all know!

Kim&Bob2004 · #21 04-01-2006, 12:28 AM

Oh Bryanne,

I am not 7th day any longer, so don't think you offended. You didn't!

Even my died in the wool cousin in law who is 7th day came, and they are strict ones. NO MEAT at all, strict Sabbath keepers etc..... anyway she and my cousin drove all night friday to make it........... They even bought on the way. It sounds like your cousin in law to be is kind of a letter of the law sorta woman.

TheaterDiva1 · #22 04-03-2006, 06:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jennifer

I would be just as mad as you about her saying to bring GCs only. But...to play devil's advocate...what if that is all you really wanted? Or what if someone got you a random gift that wasn't on your registry? Would you care? I know it is different and varies by region...but where I live, it's very inconsiderate to buy a gift not on the registry. What's the point of registering if no one uses your suggestions?

I wouldn't have an issue with her wanting GC's - it's the blatant asking that would tick me off. After all, a gift is a gift, and the giver has every right to choose the gift. Also, if all your gifts were from the registry, where's the surprise factor? I like the suspense of not knowing what I'm getting. In fact, my favorite wedding gift wasn't even from the registry - it was a hand-painted plate that's currently hanging in out living room (I tried to decorate the room around it but got derailed).

Complicated Woman · #23 04-03-2006, 07:45 PM

Just to update, I DID buy the naughty gift card and she liked it, plus it went over well with the rest of the family, who thought it was funny of me.

Marrying_the_Good_Husband · #24 04-03-2006, 11:34 PM

That's great, Bryanne!

ljeagle · #25 04-04-2006, 02:24 AM

Did most people get her gc?