unity candle? - The PASH Wedding Forums and Message Boards

treasia · #1 03-27-2006, 03:15 PM

at my brothers wedding he and his new wife lit a unity candle. i thought this made the ceremony that much sweeter. can anyone tell me when and how to do this? at what point after ceremony is it done? and is there a specific candle used for this?

treasia

feb-bride · #2 03-27-2006, 03:21 PM

My husband and I had a unity candle at our ceremony. Usually, you use two taper candles and one piller candle. You can find candle holders that accommodate all three (the tapers holders are on each side of the piller holder, which is in the middle). Before the ceremony starts, the MOG and MOB (or other family representatives - in our case, it was the FOB and FOG) light the tapers. During the ceremony, the bride and groom each take a taper, light the pillar candle, and blow out the tapers. This symbolizes the joining of two families/people.

treasia · #3 03-27-2006, 03:25 PM

thanks so much. would it be appropriate for my daughter who is 15 and standing with me and my soon to be step-daughter who is going to be flower girl to do the taper lighting?

treasia

cru5h · #4 03-27-2006, 03:27 PM

Another variant is leaving the 2 tapers lit after the pillar has been lit, to signify that you're still the woman he wanted to marry, and he is still the same man you wanted to marry...something like that.

feb-bride · #5 03-27-2006, 03:28 PM

That would be fine. The main thing (in my opinion) is that one taper be lit by someone on the groom's side, and the other taper be lit by someone on the bride's side. It sort of loses the symbolism if both tapers are lit by the same side.

wembley · #6 03-27-2006, 03:29 PM

I think that would be a sweet guesture to have the two girls light the candles. Then it would be even more of a family unity candle than just the two of you. I like that idea.

treasia · #7 03-27-2006, 03:29 PM

i really like the idea of " the still being same person". this would work well. but who would light those to begin with? this is so new to me. didn't plan first wedding and have not done this before.

thanks,
treasia

feb-bride · #8 03-27-2006, 03:31 PM

A member of each side of the family would light each taper, even if you're going to keep them lit after lighting the taper.

The reason we blew ours out was because they started dripping wax rather quickly, and I was afraid that I'd light the chapel on fire trying to put the taper back into its holder.

swtdl11552 · #9 03-27-2006, 03:32 PM

The unity candle is a great idea..you don't need my help, the girls told you how its done. I think it would be perfect to have the girls do it, they'd probably like to be included that way also!
I think it is done immediatly after the vows/rings if I'm not mistaken.

ljeagle · #10 03-27-2006, 05:07 PM

We are doing the unity candle right after the rings. This is how I see it done most of the time. When the mothers walk in they light the candles and then be seated. Then after the rings the minister tells what the candles is all about. Then a song is played while the bride and groom lights the center candle and then they blow out the two taper candles. Just make sure you don't blow the middle one out. Here is what my minister will say for the unity candle. But we are going to have to have him change a few words.
Unity Candle Ceremony

"H and W, as you look at the unity candle, you will notice that there are three candles on the stand. The two outside candles have been lit to represent your lives to this moment. They are two distinct lights, each capable of going its own way. To bring bliss and happiness to your home, there must be a merging of your lives into one. This is what the Lord meant when He said, "A man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and the two shall be one flesh." From now on your thoughts must be each for the other, rather than for yourself. Your plans should be mutual; and your joys and sorrows will be shared alike.

As you each take a candle, together light the center one, and then extinguish your individual candle, thus letting the center candle represent the union of your lives into one flesh."

If you want the girls to light the candles then I would have them do it when they first walk down the aisle.

whiddle · #11 03-27-2006, 05:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by feb-bride

My husband and I had a unity candle at our ceremony. Usually, you use two taper candles and one piller candle. You can find candle holders that accommodate all three (the tapers holders are on each side of the piller holder, which is in the middle). Before the ceremony starts, the MOG and MOB (or other family representatives - in our case, it was the FOB and FOG) light the tapers. During the ceremony, the bride and groom each take a taper, light the pillar candle, and blow out the tapers. This symbolizes the joining of two families/people.

This is how we did it!

breezy · #12 03-27-2006, 05:55 PM

You can also purchase a candle with 4 wicks so that all of you could lite a wick blending the families.

or I have seen this one
http://advantagebridal.com/fameofaca.html

In a quick search I also found this at http://www.mikeandmandy.net/unity.htm
Four taper candles (one each representing Mike, Mandy, Chase and Jessie) are placed in separate holders on a table near where Mike & Mandy exchanged their marriage vows.

Pastor Daniel Morris: Will the mothers of the bride and groom please come forward and light their children's candle?
(mothers light the candles and return to seats)

The flame has traditionally been thought of as a symbol of the spirit. Mike and Mandy, you have learned much in your individual lives. Your families are both here to bless your marriage, and it is fitting that your mothers have lit the two individual candles you see here. For it is they who brought you life, and taught you your first lessons about love. Your other family members, and friends, many of whom are here with you today, have all been a part of your individual lives, and have shared with you your hopes, your dreams, your triumphs, your suffering. But at some point the two of your met one another, and something started growing between you that was not just Mike, and not just Mandy. There’s a special ay you are together that’s just not like the way you’ve ever been with anyone else. You have a way of sharing with each other, of laughing and joking together, that’s unlike with anybody else. That special love you felt for one another continued to grow, bringing you to this moment, when you are committing your love to one another, and building a life together, as husband and wife.

Pastor Daniel Morris: It is the desire of Mike and Mandy to extend their commitments to each other my making some promises to the children of this family. Mike, will you please light the candles of your children, Chase and Jessie. (Mike lights both Chase's and Jessie's individual taper candle) As you all join hands to form a new circle of love, we will seal this union with spoken promises like the rings this bride and groom have exchanged.

Pastor Daniel Morris - to the Bride & Groom: Do you Mike and Mandy, promise to be faithful, loving, tender and nurturing parents, always there for Chase and Jessie, not only to provide for them a home, but emotionally as well, to be a good listener, a loving counselor, and a friend?

Bride & Groom: We do.

Pastor Daniel Morris - to the Bride & Groom (together speaking to the children): Repeat after me: Chase and Jessie, We each promise you our trust, our support, what knowledge we can share, to be fair, and to provide a shoulder to cry on. We promise to be available to you, as we are your guardians and protectors.

Pastor Daniel Morris to the children: Do you Chase and Jessie accept the promises made by Mike and Mandy?

Children: We do.

Pastor Daniel Morris: Today this bride and groom have bonded in marriage, but also created a family. As a symbol of the creation of this new family, I would like to ask each of you to offer your flame to light the family unity candle.

In unison Mike, Mandy, Chase and Jessie each pick up their individual taper candle and use its flame to light the flame of the family's unity candle.

Or this candle can be printed with all of your names

http://www.printedcandle.com/product/001100.shtml

ladedah · #13 03-27-2006, 06:52 PM

in our church the mothers of the bride and groom light the tapers as a symbol of the life they gave...

but I think the girls lighting the candles would be nice for the blending of families.

TheaterDiva1 · #14 03-27-2006, 08:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by treasia

thanks so much. would it be appropriate for my daughter who is 15 and standing with me and my soon to be step-daughter who is going to be flower girl to do the taper lighting?

Since the girls are from different sides of the "new family" (your DD and his DD), it would be best to have them each light one taper.

How old is the flower girl? If she's too little/young to do it herself, maybe your FI can help her.

treasia · #15 03-28-2006, 02:04 AM

i think we have decided to have the girls light the taper candles. my daughter is 15 and my future daughter is 8. so we both believe it would be appropriate and special to us for them to light the candles. blending of two families into one.

treasia

Clara · #16 04-04-2006, 05:40 AM

I'm a notary in the South Florida area and perform many civil ceremonies. The unity candle is done right after the rings are exchanged and before they are pronounced man and wife. There is a large candle in the middle and one to the right and one to the left. These are placed on holders to give them a more elegant look. A member of the brides family lights the one of the left, and a member of the grooms family lights the one on the right upon entry into the ceremony. The candles lit represent the two separate families, once it comes time to perfom the unity candle ceremony the bride and groom each take a candle and together light the center candle thus uniting both families as one. I make these to order, or they can be purchased via the internet.