Adult Reception Delimma - The PASH Wedding Forums and Message Boards

CityGirl · #1 03-24-2006, 03:33 AM

I am the MOH in a wedding that is just a month away, and the bride just called upset and looking for advice. They are having an adult only reception, and although this was stated on their invitation, they have had to call several guests (most from the groom's family) who rsvp'd plus children to clarify that children were not invited.

The problem is that the groom's sister is hosting a shower for their side of the family (this weekend), did not check the invite list with the bride, and invited some of the children to the shower who are not invited to the wedding. Some members of the groom's family are now upset -understandably- that their children have been invited to the shower but are not being included in the wedding.

So, at this point, how do the bride and groom handle the situation? If they allow the vocal individuals to bring their children, it seems they would also have to call everyone else with children and invite them, which causes budget problems not to mention the fact that they didn't want kids there at all in the first place. Or should someone (bride/groom/sister hosting the shower) call shower guests with children and explain the mix up? There doesn't seem to be a graceful way out of this one, and I was hoping some of you could give me some helpful suggestions for the bride.

swtdl11552 · #2 03-24-2006, 03:38 AM

FIRST OF ALL...The etiquette may be that you do NOT invite to the shower who you are NOT inviting to the wedding...but children? COME ON, ITS NOT AS IF THEY'RE BUYING THEIR OWN GIFTS.. Thats just me...that is my thinking...you won't find that in any book I don't think.

I would say what they should do is apologize for the oversight. Explain that they would really love to accomodate all of the children on each side of the family, but unfortunately "we have made the decision together that we will not have children at the wedding. We do not want you to feel offended, and we recognize that it was improper to invite children to the shower and not the wedding." Then....go for the light humor side and say "Hey, at least this goes to show ya, we don't have a lot of experience planning weddings...we shouldn't say {now we'll know for next time} hahahaha"

That is my opinion. I would stick to my guns...and make sure that every step of the converstions from here on out involve "WE" not "I" - WE made the decision" "WE are sorry" - they both have to be on the same page to make that work!

Anyway, hope that helps!

ljeagle · #3 03-24-2006, 03:54 AM

I'm think like swtdl11552 is! Letting the children come to a shower is so much different then letting them come to the wedding. If the sister is have the shower it is her choice to let kids come but it's not her choice to let kids come to the wedding and the guest should see that.

Kim&Bob2004 · #4 03-24-2006, 03:57 AM

Why are children coming to a bridal shower? Is that normal. I had one teenager (16 or 17 so not a child), and one infant at my shower. But it's a bridal shower, they need to find a sitter or say they can't come.......

I say stick to their guns for everything.

CityGirl · #5 03-24-2006, 11:58 AM

I've been to family showers before where all female members of the family are invited, and I think that is what this is. The children who were invited aren't infants, but also not old enough to be buying their own gifts.

The thing that is really annoying about this is that the mom making most of the noise had originally rsvp'd that she, her husband, and four kids (who were not invited) would be at the wedding - so the groom had to call her and tell her the kids weren't invited. But as soon as she realized her daughter was invited to the shower she started making a stink about it. It's as though she temporarily forgot the rules of etiquette when rsvp-ing to the wedding, but suddenly remembered them as soon as they started working in her favor.

Complicated Woman · #6 03-24-2006, 02:10 PM

, Wait, so she's offended because her daughter, who is obviously not a part of an adult only wedding reception, was kindly included in an all female bridal shower? I would tell the whole lot of them not to bother coming if it were my wedding. That's absurdly rude and idiotic, IMHO.

It's not as though it's a gift grab, children are obviously not expected to bring gifts, it seems like that was just a compromise for parents and a nice gesture for the children to feel included and grown up for a day.

Marrying_the_Good_Husband · #7 03-24-2006, 02:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Complicated Woman

It's not as though it's a gift grab, children are obviously not expected to bring gifts, it seems like that was just a compromise for parents and a nice gesture for the children to feel included and grown up for a day.

Agreed.

I think SWTDL has a great suggestion on how to handle explaining the mix-up.

Cirig · #8 03-24-2006, 02:29 PM

I agree with swdtl too

555Ann555 · #9 03-24-2006, 02:33 PM

*I* would feel that if the kids weren't invited to the wedding they shouldn't be at the shower. But then again, I wouldn't really want kids at either

Not that I don't love the little monsters, but a bridal shower is hardly the right venue for them...

Complicated Woman · #10 03-24-2006, 02:38 PM

I would do what swdtl suggested also. But (TMI ALERT) I'm completely menstrual and my instinct was, well, screw 'em. Nice, right?

michaelsbride · #11 03-24-2006, 03:56 PM

I suggest the same as everyone else. I know my moms best friend (wendy) is going to ask to bring her 13 year old daughter (ashley) and i REALLY REALLY dont want her there but for me, its just not worth the fight to tell her no (if i say no to ashley, wendy wont come and my mom will tell wendy ashley can come anyway so that the wendy comes). i've already hinted it an adult type event so maybe they'll get the drift... but if you clearly stated on everything no kids, i have to wonder!

CityGirl · #12 03-24-2006, 06:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Complicated Woman

I would tell the whole lot of them not to bother coming if it were my wedding.

I feel the same way but can't even blame PMS...

At any rate, I heard from the bride and they've decided to go ahead and invite these kids - just these kids. That must be an uncomfortable call for the groom to make, after calling them a few days ago to say no. I understand that this was the path of least resistance for them - but - this still irritates me as a matter of principle (and it's not even my wedding!) I also have to wonder what the other guests are going to think when they see some kids there but were told they couldn't bring their own.

Heather · #13 03-25-2006, 03:21 PM

That would irritate me too - it's sad he had to bend to keep the peace, and compromise the vision they had for their wedding day.

swtdl11552 · #14 03-25-2006, 03:33 PM

I have to say, if I was another close friend/family member..and ONLY THOSE KIDS were invited and mine weren't.. I'd be pissed. Why are those kids better than mine. It becomes hairy now that you've made an exception, at least in my opinion.

Actually, I wouldn't be pissed b/c the night out without my kids is nice occasionally too..but the principal of it would be what would make me a little perturbed. I think this "exception" may open an enormous can of worms!!