Before you got married....

[whiddle]

What are you glad that you accomplished (or plan to accomplish) before you got/get married for YOURSELF? I mean like finishing college, being able to support yourself, those kinds of things. I don't mean we discussed finances kind of stuff (because I hope you all did!).

Mine:
* I'm glad that I lived alone and learned to support myself before I got married.

* I'm glad that I finished my Associate's degree and secured a great job with a retirement plan before I got married.

*I'm glad that I learned to change my OWN tire and oil before I got married. (Especially since DH doesn't know how )

[Complicated Woman]

I haven't gotten married yet (obviously) but I am glad that I have started my career and that I'm not getting married while just working at a job.

[feb-bride]

*I got my Associate's Degree

*I got a job that's turned into a career

*I was already financially planning for retirement

*I have a strong sense of self

[Marrying_the_Good_Husband]

That I was successfully raising my children on my own.
That I owned a house on my own and was financially independent and established in my career.
That I really worked on myself to truly understand who I am--and how to share a life with someone without becoming dependent (or codependent ).
That I know I would be fine on my own again, but I found someone who enriches my life with shared goals and mutual respect and understanding.

[fallbride]

** I lived on my own

** I went to school and got my Associates Degree

** I found things out about inner self.

[ladedah]

I earned two bachelors degrees and an MBA.

I have traveled a bit with friends and on my own.

I can go to dinner and a movie by myself and not feel bad/embarrassed about it.

I can/have negotiated for car purchases and loan by myself.

I have pushed my limits and found/eliminated boundaries.

I learned to ask for help when I needed it.

[cru5h]

I'm actually thankful I accomplished screwing up and dating the wrong guys before I got to the right one. I know what I want, and I know how to love someone, and how to help a relationship flourish.

I don't think there's anything I've accomplished to date that I had to get in under the "marriage buzzer" really. I feel I can accomplish more with a good support system. I have never had that before. I feel like I'm building something with Richy. We've been together a while and I'm happy we have gone the extra distance, before getting married, to ensure that love isn't the only thing holding us together.

[555Ann555]

I'm happy that I've been independent for so long... Although I think I may find it a big challenge to learn to share my space now!

I'm glad I got out in the world and learned how to make friends with strangers.

That I went to college and pursued my love of learning.

That I retained my thirst for improving myself. Not just mentally but emotionally, and spiritually too.

That I had a break down, because it let me build myself back up again.

I'm proud that I found the courage to face challenges in spite of my fears.


It's difficult to say if these changes would have happened if I had been married, Moreno has been by my side throughout all the steps I've mentioned and has always been a huge support to me! I think the changes I'll go through when I'm married will be just as meaningful to me.

[Kim&Bob2004]

Like Crush, I didn't feel any need to accomplish any great feats before getting married. I do things as life presents them. I wish at times I would have completed my degree before getting married, but to have Bob support me through this process is good too (which before we married could have been two Bachelor degrees, now I will settle for one!......). But there is nothing that I wish I had done before I got married, while there are many things I wish I could go back and wipe out from my younger years. But I am a firm believer that what doesn't kill us will make us stronger. If I hadn't have accomplished living through those tribulations, would I even be who I am today? hmmmmmm something to ponder.

[breezy]

I am glad I learned and know I can support myself.

I am happy that I took time to know myself and what I wanted and needed from a relationship. It has helped me to know I have the perfect partner for me!!!

[michaelsbride]

I will have my masters degree.

I will have overcome lots of early life strife.

I will have survived countless bad relationships until i was sure i found the right one... i know i havent "settled".

I have lived on my own and supported myself through college.

I have learned from many many mistakes that have made me an independent person that cant imagine life without my other half.

I too can go to a movie, eat at a restaurant, and change my tire/oil on my own.

[Blue Eyes]

I'm glad that I lived in another country alone and with my FH.

REALLY glad we got to travel together for several months- learned how to create a budget together and survive serious stressful situations with out killing eachother!

I got my 3 AA degrees, and will probably have finished esthetician school by then too.

I moved out of my parents house and lived alone for a little while. I felt that was a big deal (I moved out when I moved to France in September! 22Yrs old!)

I learned how to cook at least enough meals to feed us for a week. (Really big accomplishment for me- didn't know how to cook anything but cereal!)

And really glad I went through some emotional challenges that enabled me to mature to the level I'm at.

[DragonYoga]

I've always been independent, I count that as an asset
I learned how to live on my own, how to handle finances
I started college, but currently trying to get support to go back and finish if I can
I have a steady job that also has great benefits, 401k included
I have goals and dreams that are flexible enough to be accomplished on my own or with my FH
I have a dog that absolutely adores me and (and FH's leg...)

Odd. My mother has *never* lived alone. She can't understand how I can love and even enjoy living by myself. When she married my dad, she moved in with him straight from her parents'; after she kicked him out, her lover moved in; after they split, she got roommates; and now she's remarried.

I also learned not just be confident in myself, but also confident in the choices I make.

I also learned what I want and what I don't want out of life and relationships.

Most important I think is, I learned and appreciate that I don't *need* someone. I'm just as happy being single as I am being with my FH. That's something else many don't understand either!

[SuzyBride]

Before getting married:
I am glad that I got my bachelors degree.
I am glad that I was able to support myself financially and be self sufficent.
I am glad that I was able to successfully work and go to college.
I am glad that I learned how to make decisions on my own.
I am glad that I learned when it was ok to ask for help.
I am glad that I learned the importance of independence.
I am glad that I was able to take a step back and look at my world and determine what I can do to make my life how I want it to be.

I wanted to add stuff for after getting married:
I am glad that I have persued my masters degree and have almost completed requirements.
I am glad that I am still financially independent.
I am glad that I have let my guard down and relied on my husband for certain things instead of striving for complete independence.
I am glad that I have learned patience.
I am glad that I am still able to make my own decisions and that my husband allows me to still do that and be me.
I plan to purchase my own vehice after I graduate and get a job.
I plan to pay off all my own debts (student loans) after I graduate and get a job.

[AshyBekka]

I'm glad that when we get married in November, I will have:

*Gotten my law degree
*Gotten my Master's degree
*Travelled all over the world and lived in two different countries by myself
*Learned to be a better financial manager/how to live on a realistic budget
*Figured out what I want to do with my life career-wise and how to make those goals make sense with what I want to do personally and family-wise (that was a biggie...when I was working in LA, I had two main mentors, both of whom were in their 40s, never married, no kids, and always working. I really thought that was my only choice)
*Worked on a reality show and actually enjoyed the crazy hours, sleepless nights, temperamental artists, etc. while I was young enough to have a sense of humor about it
*Gotten to know my family
*and by the fall...Gotten to go to Cliff's last homecoming, knowing that he's never going to be deployed again!

[clairon13]

i'm definitely glad that i went to college and got my BA. i love school so very much, and that time was crucial to "figuring out who i am."
i'm also glad that i went thru the emotional roller coaster of "losing" my parents and finding a new set.... i learned that chaos is not freedom, nor is having a safety net a bad thing.
i learned how to be lonely, so that i treasure being w/ someone, but can still operate if i'm not. that was a really hard lesson for me, tho!
this may sound totally stupid, but i'm really glad i developed two artisitic hobbies/interests. the reason i say this is there are plenty of things in this world that i don't give a @#%& about.... for instance politics. DH can't understand this b/cs in his opinion "i am so smart, why am i not more interested in the world around me?" but for me, creating things w/ my hands IS being interested in the world.... and it is my way of formulating how i think and what i think about things.
i'm glad i lived on my own (see the lonely remark)--i am a triplet, so i shared a room w/ my sisters til 13, then lived next door to them til 18, then college and had roommates til i graduated, then lived w/ my ex-fiance's paretns, then FINALLY lived on my own.... i'm glad i figured out what that was like, although i have to say, learning to share my space was not an issue--in fact, i prefer it!!
and i'm glad that i learned what i believe spiritually so that no matter what, that is my own. it is fortunate that on most levels, DH agrees w/ me, but that i didn't glean thm from him... i know what i know and know what i believe.

[feb-bride]

Originally Posted by DragonYoga

Odd. My mother has *never* lived alone. She can't understand how I can love and even enjoy living by myself. When she married my dad, she moved in with him straight from her parents'; after she kicked him out, her lover moved in; after they split, she got roommates; and now she's remarried.

I've never lived alone, either, and I have to say that I regret it immensely.

[Complicated Woman]

I *hate* being alone. Not afraid of it, mind you , but I do not like it. I hate it. Hate it hate it hate it.

But that's probably just me.

[clairon13]

Originally Posted by Complicated Woman

I *hate* being alone. Not afraid of it, mind you , but I do not like it. I hate it. Hate it hate it hate it.

But that's probably just me.

oh no, while i'm glad i did live alone, i hate being alone!! rickey always feels so bad when he travels, even tho i know he needs to and am ok w/ it..... but i always use the excuse of having shared my mom's womb w/ my sisters just makes me needy to be w/ people. anyway, it's not just you!!!

[Robyn Lynn]

I don't know how I lived on my own before I got my cats(well, one cat now)!!!

I love having my own apartment, but it makes a HUGE difference to have a living thing there to greet you.

Before marrying I am glad that I have....
Lived on my own
Got my bachelor's degree
Had 3 full time jobs and 2 part time ones (been working since I was 14)
Traveled a lot in the US
Joined the Mormon church
Moved across the country

All of the above will help when I am married so I am grateful for the experiences.

A couple of added benefits of marrying my FH -- I get to live in different places (something I used to dream of doing), I don't have to work if i don't want to(but i will want to!!), access to all the amenities that a military base has to offer!!! I am not happy about the possibility of deployment, but I know how to be alone and keep myself busy.

[maroki13]

The things I'm glad I've accomplished before I get married:

*gotten my Bachelors degree
*gotten my Masters degree and teaching certificate
*played a collegiate sport
*learned how to manage my finances
*learned the value of hard work through experience
*maintained great relationships with my family, even though they are thousands of miles away
*lived by myself (I actually love being alone....I cherish my alone time)
*Realizing how great my parents actually are, and how much they have done for me.....and thanked them for it.
*Dating the wrong guy

This is a great thread!

[birdie]

Before I'm married, I am glad that I:

- Got my Bachelor's degree and began working on my Master's (will graduate after the wedding)
- Moved away from home to a place I'd never been, lived on my own and learned how to be independent
- Payed off my car and my student loans (still have the credit card though)
- Dated some super losers so that I knew the best when I met him!
- Recognized my depression and took the initiative to fix it and it has made a huge difference in everything in my life - has enabled me to do most of the above!
- Driven across the country multiple times by myself and handled my own problems on the way

[Heather]

Originally Posted by maroki13

(I actually love being alone....I cherish my alone time)

I do too - a lot. Mike is in Ohio this whole week, and while I certainly miss him, I'm grateful for the time I have alone in the house and to myself.

This is a tough thread for me because I didn't ever start out thinking I had to accomplish these things before I got married. In fact, up until I met Mike and found my REAL partner (I was 28 when I met him), I didn't have any desire to get married at all. None whatsoever. It was never a goal. I was never the little girl playing dress up with a t-shirt on the back of my head pretending it was a veil. However - these are the things I did accomplish beforehand, and I'm glad. (That doesn't mean I'm done like a bun though! There are still a ton of things I want to do!)

- Received 2 BAs and an AA in six years
- Started a retirement fund at age 25
- Lived on my own and lived with a boyfriend (I preferred alone, lol)
- Bought my own brand new car
- Had a one night stand
- Went on vacations with my girlfriends (Still do.)
- Loved and accepted my family so anyone I was with would have to too
- Adopted my two furrbabies, Kramer and Ditto
- Came to terms with who I am (but there's always room for improvement)
- Really solidified the relationship with my closest friends that I grew up with, and those with whom I went to college
- Learned to say I'm sorry (and mean it)
- Learned not to apologize for eating spray cheese on Lays ridged potato chips
- Made the firm decision to never change who I am for anyone, but to always work on making myself a better person and easier to love

[Robyn Lynn]

There's still a lot I want to do, too, like travel (FH has never been further west than kansas so I have a few places to take him!!!). I'm going to go for my Associate's Degree in Business (I started here and will finish at KSU--beautiful campus) and possibly another Bachelor's in religion this time(not sure I will use it for anything, but I would like to do it for myself). I also want to have kids.
I'm glad i dated a bunch of the wrong guys, too, because it made me realize what I was looking for and wanted and needed and when I met TJ I recognized all those things in him. (well, it took a year, but I finally got it!! )

[maroki13]

I thought of a couple more:

*I'm glad I had the chance to grow up among the military; its given me the ongoing and constantly growing respect and compassion I have for our military personnel today.
*I'm proud I'm able to navigate airports in countries around the world and that I'm strong enough to travel by myself.
*I'm proud that I'm a person that my family and friends can be proud of.
*I'm glad that I stick up for myself, my friends, and my family.