Do I invite all? - The PASH Wedding Forums and Message Boards

ARISMOM · #1 03-21-2006, 04:21 AM

I'm taking a vacation the week or two before ( not sure yet) my wedding and I obviously need to let my manager know. My question is do I have to invite her?
shes pretty nice, we get along good & talk often, But always work-related. Or if I take a day off because my daughter is sick. she will ask how is she doing. but thats as far as we talk about our personal lives.

Also my other concern is that because of the size of our families. which we didn't realize when we booked the recepcion. We are very limited to how many friends & co-workers we can invite. So for that reason I try no to mention anything about my wedding at work. I feel that If I mention even the fact that im getting married to my co-workers they are all (which are a lot )expecting to be invited. is that true or am I just worrying to much.

ljeagle · #2 03-21-2006, 04:28 AM

I'm not inviting any one from the office. They all know about the wedding but I just don't see why they would come. If your manager comes would she know any one. Kenny is not inviting any one from his work. It's really up to you if you want them there then invite them but if you don't have the room I wouldn't even talk about it.

kenzies_mama · #3 03-21-2006, 04:30 AM

I don't think them knowing your getting married is a reason to invite them, if your not close with any of your co-workers then you shouldn't invite them. It's ok to have a smaller wedding with only people who are close to you and you shouldn't feel you need to apologize for that. But I do know it may be considered rude if you invite some but not all and none are really close to you.

wembley · #4 03-21-2006, 04:30 AM

I don't know the official rules on this but what I'm doing is only inviting a very small handfull of people from work. They are only ones that I am friends with and actually have seen outside of work. There are lots of others that I chat with while at work and are nice but I can't fit or afford to invite everyone. I've talked about the wedding at work but I have also mentioned that I have to keep the list down because it's a small wedding. That way everyone has the idea in their heads that it's a small affair and won't just assume they are on the list.

I would say invite those that you want and don't worry about inviting everyone just because they've heard of the wedding. They'll understand that you don't have space.

breezy · #5 03-21-2006, 04:34 AM

One of my old co-workers is already throwing a tantrum about being invited. She has called me several times to insist that she be invited.
I would really like to invite another ex-co-worker and her hubby as they are friends of both of ours. However the self inviting one is loud at times.

Some people are really understanding of the cost involved in a wedding and guest list, others think they deserve to come. There is no way of knowing which kind of office you work in.

I don't think I would invite her, however I do think I would talk about the wedding and let her know it is comming up.

ARISMOM · #6 03-21-2006, 04:42 AM

No my manager wouldn't know anyone but me and she met my FH at the christmas party (work).
I really dont associate with them outside of work, we just get along and talk there.
I made sure I mentioned that we are pretty tight on the guest list. only because the recepcion fits so many. and didnt think our families were so big.
But the girls at work tell the others "hey, did you hear shes getting married"
I feel less streesed already,
thanks you guys

swtdl11552 · #7 03-21-2006, 04:54 AM

Let me write a "guest list guide" for you. I got it from a book I took out of the library and thought it was SOOO FRIGGAN AWESOME. I'm not saying it works for everyone...I know it doesn't...but for me, it really made things cut & dry...

YES :
Your parents
dearest friends whom you see regularly
grandparents
brothers/sister & significant others
aunts, uncles & cousins you see regularly
***if you still have room in your budget & at your reception site move to the next category***

MAYBE
new friends made within the last couple of years & see regularly
old friend you used to see frequently but now only see a few times a year
neighbors you grew up with and/or see regularly
coworkers you enjoy working with and see socially after work
relatives you see occasionally

NO
all other coworkers
distant relatives (both in genealogy & location)
old friends you send holiday cards to each year but otherwise don't see.

Like I said, it helped me. I hope it helps you. I'd like to say this ....

THOSE WHO MATTER DON'T MIND, and THOSE WHO MIND DON'T MATTER...
so if someone gets irate with you, thats just too bad. You don't want their attitude at your wedding anyway. The people who care are the ones who understand. Just do your thing, enjoy your day!!!

Marrying_the_Good_Husband · #8 03-21-2006, 02:35 PM

Those are really good guidelines!

People shouldn't expect to be invited just because they know about the wedding--especially if you're not even close with them. For people who either "hint" or throw an all-out tantrum like Breezy's "friend" (so great to finally "see" you, BTW!

) just say, "I'm sorry, but we need to keep the guest list small and can't invite all the friends and family we'd love to." And in your situation, where you're afraid mentioning it might lead to them thinking that means they're invited, just work the small guest list into conversation.

tmo · #9 03-21-2006, 05:48 PM

Exactly just because they know does not mean have to go. As previously stated, invite those who you are social with outside of work. If you do invite people from work, remember to mail the invites directly to their homes. You don't need to "announce" who and who isn't invited. It would be "nice" to invite your boss. You'd only have to if it would impact your position if you didn't.

It's amazing who thinks they deserve to go do your wedding. I had a lady kept asking if they should check their mail for something since she had just returned from a cruise. She had "worked" her way into other weddings in our community. Luckily, since I had a small wedding I could say, "Whoops, you didn't make the list."

Granted I could have been nice to invite her. She'd probably would have given a large gift (that's her!!) and sometime later she'll make you feel you owe her

prunella · #10 03-26-2006, 08:52 AM

I don't think you should invite your co workers, i dind't inivte mine eventhough they knew I was getting married....

Heather · #11 03-26-2006, 03:19 PM

I've read somewhere that you should invite your immediate manager or supervisor. Something about social etiquette... I don't recall where I read it, maybe Dear Abby? I invited mine but she didn't attend which was okay with me.

We invited co-workers with whom we socialize outside of work but that's it.

michaelsbride · #12 03-26-2006, 08:18 PM

what i suggest.... is rather than inviting them to the wedding.... maybe if theres several people at your work that you might otherwise invite, after the wedding inviting those people out for a drink or have a small get together at your house with veggie trays and such.

My direct manager (and friend) just got transferred (kat shoots a jealous look at danielle) and shes invited because we're friends outside of work. None of my other managers are invited since i will have moved before the wedding anyway. I plan on probably inviting my supervisor at my new job because four months after i start im taking off two weeks for the wedding and i feel it will grease the wheels. im fortunate however because the wedding is far away and its not likely that a new boss will travel out of state for a wedding i dont think.

swtdl11552 · #13 03-27-2006, 12:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Heather

I've read somewhere that you should invite your immediate manager or supervisor. Something about social etiquette...
We invited co-workers with whom we socialize outside of work but that's it.

I heard that someplace too Heather...just the other day. Your immediate supervisor should be included. I am including mine b/c I am close with them. I'm so mellow though, I'd throw my hands up and say "invite only those that you want to see you share your vows with your FH"

JnJ · #14 03-16-2007, 08:06 PM

I'm having a hard time deciding on my co-workers too. I have 12 at the last place I was at and 4 at our new location. There are a few that say they want to come, but I don't want to invite everyone, especially if they are going to bring someone with them. I saw this advice at theknot.com on how to decide whether to invite someone or not:

(1) How close are you to them
(2) Would having them there really make/break enjoyment

I've gotten along great with some of my co-workers but only see them at work. I recently went to one of their weddings and feel I need to return the offer. I just don't know what to do. People tell me to invite everyone but there's that chance they'll all show up!

JnJ · #15 03-16-2007, 08:15 PM

I just started on here today and saw someone mentioning it's rude to bring back old threads.... guilty, sorry!

NovemberGal · #16 03-16-2007, 11:03 PM

That's okay JnJ. I'm the one who posted about it on the other thread, and I admit I was rude about it myself. We've had a lot of it, and it gets tiresome, and I was in a cranky mood anyway (I'm better now that I'm home from work!

)

I'd suggest starting a new thread for your concern; people will be bound to have advice for you, and it won't get mixed up with the original poster's questions!