I don't want her in my wedding! - The PASH Wedding Forums and Message Boards

LindseyLu · #1 03-15-2006, 09:54 PM

My situation is complicated.
I have two sisters, sister #1 – Twin, sister #2 – Eldest.
I am extremely close to my twin sister…I was the maid of honor in her wedding as she will be in mine. The problem is sister #2…I do not get along with. She is the person who has an opinion about everything and thinks she is always right and has to tell you her opinion no matter what. She backed out of sister #1’s wedding 2 weeks before because she didn’t like the flowers and then 2 days before decided she wanted back in. She also ran off and got married without telling our family at all! She expects to be involved in everything just because she is related.
Well I don’t want her in my wedding.

What do I do?

munchkin · #2 03-15-2006, 10:55 PM

siblings don't have to be included in the wedding at all. It's your decision who is part of the wedding party. Include your twin because she's close, but just leave your other sister as a guest. She'll obviously be included in family photos etc, but other than that, just let it be. If completely excluding her would be a huge family problem, give her something small to do that she couldn't really ruin if she backed out or if she screwed it up.

feb-bride · #3 03-15-2006, 11:17 PM

I do not think you should have your sister in the wedding. You need people in your wedding party who will support you, and unfortunately, your sister is not one of those people.

Don't cave into pressure from your parents to have her in the wedding. You will regret it if you do.

Good luck and welcome to Pash!

Steph · #4 03-16-2006, 12:21 AM

Give her a job such as a wedding attendant etc where she can run around for you the day before and the day of the wedding and help out getting stuff that is needed.

Kim&Bob2004 · #5 03-16-2006, 12:30 AM

Steps idea is good, even make her in charge of the guest book or something. You don't need her in the wedding party!

SuzyBride · #6 03-16-2006, 12:49 AM

I say let her man the guest book!

Do not feel obligated to have her in your wedding party just because she's your sister. I think if you do you are just setting your self up for some major drama.

sparklesweetie · #7 03-16-2006, 01:27 AM

I agree with the others.

Welcome to Pash!

swtdl11552 · #8 03-16-2006, 01:36 AM

I agree 100% - you don't need the headache! I have 2 brothers and 2 sisters... only one of each were in the wedding party. Like the others said, they were included in photos of course.
The way you make your sister sound, she wouldn't even consider doing something menial like the guestbook...so if not, that is her problem NOT YOURS!! Her non-compliance is something she'll have to deal with! I'm sure you've dealt with it enough throughout your life - you certainly don't need it on YOUR wedding day!
Be strong woman, its all you!!!!

cru5h · #9 03-16-2006, 03:00 AM

Thumbs-down, girl. If she asks why she's not in the wedding, say "Remember sis's wedding? I sure do."

ljeagle · #10 03-16-2006, 03:03 AM

Have who every you want in the wedding if she wants to be in it ask her to do the guest book or help with passing out programs.

wembley · #11 03-16-2006, 04:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cru5h

Thumbs-down, girl. If she asks why she's not in the wedding, say "Remember sis's wedding? I sure do."

I think that should just about cover things.

If you really want to give her a job, I agree with the others. It should be something very small like being in charge of the guest book. Whatever you ask her to do, you might want to have someone else as a partner (whether sister knows she has a partner or not). That way you don't have to worry when it comes down to the big day. Either way things will be covered.

wembley · #12 03-16-2006, 04:58 AM

Oh, and welcome to PASH

rosefeather · #13 03-16-2006, 10:36 AM

I have nothing to add, just that I agree with the others!!

Welcome to Pash!

Complicated Woman · #14 03-16-2006, 02:14 PM

Welcome to Pash!

I agree with the others, I wouldn't have her in my wedding.

Marrying_the_Good_Husband · #15 03-16-2006, 02:33 PM

Welcome to Pash. Sorry to hear about the difficult situation you're in with your sister. Apparently she didn't care too much about "family" if she got married without even telling anyone--so yet another reason why you don't "owe her" anything. Aside from all that, looking forward to getting to hear more about your wedding plans and getting to know you.

TheaterDiva1 · #16 03-16-2006, 02:40 PM

You definitely don't need that headache. Normally, I have a problem with "busywork jobs" at weddings, such as guest book attendant, but in this case, you're better off giving her such a job - she'll feel included, but if she flakes out, it won't be the end of the world.

Oh - welcome to Pash!

LindseyLu · #17 03-16-2006, 04:27 PM

Thank you all so much! My family has been pretty much supportive...it's just she has my nephew who is my moon and stars and I want him in the wedding so bad. I am so afraid she won't let him if she's not....terrible.

So Cole and I have discussed it all and he is so awesome about it and is totally supportive too. He's even figured out a way to minimalize our wedding party so that we dont have to include her but I dont want to do that. I want who I want...this is my day! (I sound like Bridezilla! LOL)

Thank you all so much! I look forward to sharing and reading your thoughts and ideas!

armsss11899 · #18 03-22-2006, 08:37 PM

I agree with everyone else, it is YOUR wedding, your day, if people are going to cause problems, you don't need it, trust me, it will be for the best to exclude her from the wedding party,but still make her feel involved as some of the other girls have suggested and tell her why.

555Ann555 · #19 03-22-2006, 10:16 PM

I wanted to add another welcome

It sounds like a difficult position to be in, it's one thing to say to someone else that you don't want her involved, but it may be quite another to have to be the one to tell her! Especially if your parents put pressure on you to keep the 'whole family' involved...

I agree that it would be for the best that she not be a BM but have some other little role. Maybe she could perform one of the readings at the ceremony. Then maybe you could have your twin or another friend do it if she let you down at the last minute...

We're always around if you need to an ear

uNF_Rena · #20 05-08-2006, 05:47 AM

Do NOT put her in the wedding. My parents have been married for 20 some odd years... and when I ask my mom about her wedding day she gets frusterated because my dad decided to make his brother the best man because he was his brother. He ruined the bachlor party by bringing porn when my dad wanted to play poker.. and there was no food.. so my dad baked a cake he was so hungry.. and THEN they ditched him. He had no way getting home the night before the wedding. Then he forgot to grab the roses and my mom had to have carnations for her wedding pictures. and the worst? He was supposed to return some dishes.. but he didnt so my dad had to interupt the honeymoon to go return some plates. Grrrr.

Anyway.. pick helpful people.

jessica3 · #21 05-08-2006, 08:00 AM

I agree with everyone else. She doesn't need to be in your wedding. I have five other siblings including step. One of my step sisters is going to be a bridesmaid and one of my biological sisters is going to be an usher. Everyone else is a nix. the two involved have been supportive to me and the rest haven't. I want people who are going to support me in the wedding party, not people that are going to cause problems and frustrate me.

TheaterDiva1 · #22 05-08-2006, 10:57 AM

Welcome to Pash!

I agree with the others - don't include her. Also, from what you said about her attitude, she probably doesn't want to do it anyway, so you don't even need to feel guilty about it.