What Should I Do?

[swtdl11552]

Hey everyone! I need help. I have just gotten engaged - I am 30 - this is my 2nd marriage and I have 2 children. My fiance and I would like to have a small(er) ceremony, and we'll most likely be paying for at least 1/2 of it.

Any ideas as to what to do - we don't want to have a huge wedding, it won't be in the church...we want it a bit more laid back - kinda like a nice backyard wedding, yet we have no backyard to do it in... Any ideas where to get started even looking into weddings like this that are cost effective.
Thanks for any help you can offer!!
p.s. I'm new here...I'm Shannon, I live on Long Island and can't wait to do some planning with y'all!!

[Steph]

Welcome to the group!

I myself grew up on Long Island. There are a lot of parks on Long Island. Could you look into possibly getting married at a park? Are you in Nassau or Suffolk? Maybe Cantiague or Eisenhower park? What time of year do you want to get married?

[kenzies_mama]

I'll say hi and welcome to the forum but unfortunately can't be much help with the ideas but several of the girls are from NY and may have some good suggestions.

[555Ann555]

Welcome to Pash

I was going to suggest what Steph did; a nice park...

If you're hoping to keep it small without offending those you don't invite you could have it mid week (which helps keep the costs down too) or you could have it later at night with a champagne & dessert reception rather than a big meal.

How small are we taking? Just the 4 of you? Or with your immediate families?

(off to see if I can think up any more small reception ideas)

[swtdl11552]

Thanks for the advice...I think the park might be a great idea - BUT, its probably going to be a Fall/Winter wedding, so the park may be out of the question. I'm actually thinking of looking into our state/county parks and seeing if they have clubhouses or something. By small wedding I mean... parents, aunts, uncles, close friends. Just, not those relatives where you say "wow I haven't see him/her in 2 years, I hardly recognized them." So I'm thinking 50-75 people - thats being liberal, I'd like NO MORE than that. But this is my fiances first marriage and his family deserves to celebrate with him, so it doesn't bother me too much.
Any other ideas girls? I feel like I can't get into any other planning (flowers, favors, invitations) until I know where it'll be. Like, those of you who know Long Island...I could have it in the small room at the Coral House - and our favors/invitations could be "water" oriented??!!
And what do you think of the idea of having the invitations from my sons, rather than from the parents? Inviting everyone to the wedding of their Mother and Step-Father??

Thanks again. Its such a relief to have you guys
Shann

[Heather]

Originally Posted by swtdl11552

And what do you think of the idea of having the invitations from my sons, rather than from the parents? Inviting everyone to the wedding of their Mother and Step-Father??

Thanks again. Its such a relief to have you guys
Shann

From an etiquette standpoint, I'm not sure I like this idea - only because the invitation is supposed to indicate who is hosting the wedding/reception. I'm not sure that some guests would take it seriously. Personally, I think it's a cute idea.

I bet Syringa would have a better reply. (She's a wedding planner and has been on the site for a long time.)

[ljeagle]

Welcome to PASH! I really couldn't help you out on a location spot. What are some of your ideals on some stuff?

[swtdl11552]

Ya know, I am quite easy going and mellow. I would like to have a nice, quiet ceremony - it will be with a non-denominational minister. Its hard to say what our ideals are. I just want everyone to have a good time, but I want it to be in an intimate environment....

[swtdl11552]

Ya know, you're probably right. It is "us" hosting the wedding though, not the parents of either of us. It'll be touchy - because if his parents "help" they're going to want to be acknowledged, and rightfully so. I think you're right about the etiquette of it. It would be cute- but not proper.

***I'm looking at the Bayard Arboretum today - for those of you from long island who know where/what it is I'll let y'all know how it looks...

[Complicated Woman]

For the invite, what about something like "The bride and groom, together with their parents, invite you...."?

[555Ann555]

That is how we had to word the invites:

Together with their parents Ann & Moreno...

Ours was kind of complicated... My Fh's mum is widowed and gave us cash toward the wedding, mine is divorced and remarried and is paying for the reception, my father is not invited... The wording just got ridiculous when I tried to work out what it should really say. So the best option all around was to have 'together with their parents' . That way we could acknowledge their financial help without suggesting the entire wedding was being paid by someone else, and without explaining the family dynamics!



I think it sounds like a cute idea in theory to have it hosted by your son, and a nice way to make him feel involved. But to be honest, I don't think I'd like it in practice. If I got an invite from my friend's kid saying I was invited to his parent's wedding I'd think WTF???


ETA: We're having a small wedding at a local church thenthe reception at a local hotel. It sounds like we've got the same sort of numbers in mind... Although guest lists have an awful habit of expanding!

[breezy]

I don't know about etiquitte, but here are some cute ways to involve the children (link I found them at included)

http://www.annswedding.com/Verses_Ve...mailHeader.cfm

Through marriage we are given
the gift of a new beginning,
a new family and a new life
We, Bride and Groom
along with
Children’s Names
invite you to witness
our beautiful beginnings
on Day
Year
at Time
Location
Address
City, State

BRIDE
and
GROOM
together with their children
NAMES
invite you to share with them
a celebration of love
Their marriage ceremony will take place
on DAY
YEAR
at TIME
LOCATION
ADDRESS
CITY, STATE

I’m getting a new daddy/mommy
and I’m so excited!
There’s going to be a wedding
and you are invited!
Child’s Name
invites you to share in his/her joy
at the joining of his/her
mother/father
Parent’s Name
to
Spouse’s Name
on Day
Year
at Time
Location
Address
City, State

We are so happy that the man
who makes our mom’s eyes sparkle,
who makes her laugh and sing,
who loves her and us very much
is joining our family!
Children’s Names
invite you to share in their joy
at the marriage of their mother
Bride
to
Groom
on Day
Year
at Time
Location
Address
City, State

They’re becoming husband and wife
and starting a brand new life!
And when you add me
that makes a brand new family!
Bride and Groom
along with
Child’s Name
invite you to share their joy at the
creation of their new life and new family
on Day
Year
at Time
Location
Address
City, State

It was love at first sight
but more important was the moment I realized
that I couldn’t imagine my life without you in it
Bride and Groom
invite you to share their joy
as they are married
on Day
Year
at Time
Location
Address
City, State
Through this union we will also
create a new family with our children
Children’s Names

[swtdl11552]

Girls, your ideas are fantastic. I love the verses, I'm going to go over them with my fh and his family. My family really could care less as long as we're happy. My FH's family is similar, but still, its their son's first marriage, so I'd like to make is special for them. They're so supportive.

So Ann - you only have a month and a half or so to go huh? I'm new, as you know, so let me know how your planning is going. I hope its smooth for you.

I'll be putting up some pictures as soon as I figure that out

Thanks again girls, keep up with the ideas and advice.

Shannon

[SuzyBride]

Hi Shannon!! Welcome to Pash! I was going to suggest a park or something for a location..? Just a thought! And I think it would be nice to mention you kids in the invitation, especially since you want a smaller, intimate wedding and most the guests would 'get it' ya know? Congrats on your engagement! I can't wait to hear more of your plans and ideas!!!

[555Ann555]

Originally Posted by swtdl11552

Girls, your ideas are fantastic. I love the verses, I'm going to go over them with my fh and his family. My family really could care less as long as we're happy. My FH's family is similar, but still, its their son's first marriage, so I'd like to make is special for them. They're so supportive.

So Ann - you only have a month and a half or so to go huh? I'm new, as you know, so let me know how your planning is going. I hope its smooth for you.

I'll be putting up some pictures as soon as I figure that out

Thanks again girls, keep up with the ideas and advice.

Shannon

It is fantastic that you have the support of both your families Judging from a few of the girls on here I think it makes a world of difference!

I've only had minor problems with my family & my FILs... Couple of crossed wires on who was going to be invited... Couple of disagreements about colour & style. But to be honest I appreciate how supportive they have all been! For all the little problems drove me mad at the time I have to be grateful that they still were only little problems!

I find it hard to believe that it is only 7 1/2 weeks till my wedding! There are a few of us in the same position: LJ of LJEagle is getting married the day after me, as is Dannielle of DannielleAndErik. It has come around so quiickly!


So did you see the Bayard Arboretum yesterday? How was it?

[Marrying_the_Good_Husband]

Hi, Shannon! I got your PM. I'll answer here as I'm too lazy to go back to the inbox! Yes, we're in similar situations. However, both my FH and I have been married before, so we're ok with skipping the wedding part with the family. We're taking my kids and getting married in Turks and Caicos. When we return, we're having a party at home. I originally looked into the "backyard" thing. However, it costs a fortune to rent tents, tables, chairs, linens, tableware, etc. Since we're both in the NYC metro area, I'm sure you'd have the same experience. But we decided on an October wedding with either a fall/winter reception. (We're doing construction on the house, so need to see when that will finish.) So, obviously, we needed to settle on an indoor party. My house is rather small for a reception of approx. 75 people, though, so sit-down dinner is out! We decided on a cocktail party with heavy hors d'ouerves. I want them to feel like they're getting a meal without the necessity of a knife and fork. I think it will be very reasonable to do. I'm planning on buying every frozen hors d'ouerve I can possibly find along with things like beef filet on garlic crustini, ham on little biscuits, pulled pork on mini rolls, etc., and then things like shrimp and dips and tapenades, etc. Since we're having the party not on the wedding day, I think I'll be able to do everything myself and set up before the guests arrive. IF you were considering something similar, you may be able to hire someone to prepare the food for you. I'm planning on shopping at Costco and Trader Joe's. Assuming you have some sort of Costco, BJ's, or Sam's Club near you, you could be able to get food a LOT more cheaply than hiring a caterer. Oh, to streamline the bar, I'll probably offer 3 or 4 mixed drinks served in pitchers, and then an assortment of wines, beers, and soft drinks. I think that'll be easier than having a full bar and expecting people to have to mix their own drinks.

Ok, so that's what I'm doing. It sounds like you are looking into having the wedding at an outside place, though. I'm sure you already know the typical reception places will cost a fortune--as I'm quite sure Long Island is JUST as pricey as Northern NJ! But, if you look into renting a room at a smaller restaurant or doing a Sunday brunch type thing rather than a Saturday night wedding, you could probably save a lot of money. Hope that helps!

[TheaterDiva1]

I got married on Long Island and had a beach-themed wedding. Also, it was early fall. We should get together and compare notes!

And I was about to suggest the Arboretum before I saw that post!

[swtdl11552]

Theater Diva.. I would love to hear what you did and how it all worked out. Let me know where/when and all that good stuff. I have to look into all of this. Where in Brooklyn do you live?? My fiance's family is from Bensonhurst.

We'd like to have the wedding by year's end (good lord help me) so that we can start "trying" by the beginning of next year to have a baby.

Sorry if I don't seem to respond as much as usual the next week - work is INSANE this week - I'm beat!! But everyone, your advice and your writings really are an inspiration and honestly do make me realize that I am not alone!!

Peace out
Shannon

p.s. Marrying the good husband, that sounded fantastic. I don't know if we'd be able to do that though...I think his family would like something a little bit more formal. Its kinda like we're stuck in between formal and informal.

p.p.s. Amy, I didn't get to go to Bayard on Sunday...the weather was awful!!