Pre-Marital Questionnaire - The PASH Wedding Forums and Message Boards

Steven Galvez · #1 03-10-2006, 12:52 PM

What are some questions that a bridal couple should ask each other before the wedding day?

Please feel free to add to this list by hitting Post Reply. Just please don't reference any copyrighted material as I will eventually add this list to our Wedding Planner Workbook. Thanks!

Steven Galvez · #2 03-10-2006, 12:55 PM

Pre-Marital Questionnaire

Family Planning

Will we have children?
If so, when?
How many children will we have?
What religion will we raise our children?
What last name will we give the children, the father's last name or the mother's and father's last name hyphenated?
Who will be the disciplinarian?
Will we send them to private or public school?
Will one of us stay at home to raise the children?
If we are having a hard time conceiving, will you be opposed to artificial methods of conception?
Would you be willing to adopt?
What birth control methods will we use if we decide to wait?
What values do we want to instill in our children, and how will we do so?
How will we discipline our children?
What would be the consequences for ...?
How will we reward our children?
Will we give them allowance?
Will we set limits on privileges?
Where do we stand on junk food, video games...?
How much family time is appropriate?
What do you consider quality time as a family? With each other?
What is our long-term daycare plan? What's our back-up? Can we afford it?
How much time will we spend with the in-laws?
What will we do for holidays?
If something happens to the both of us, who will take care of our children? Who will take care of the children from our previous relationships?

Finances

Who's going to handle the finances?
Will we have separate or joint accounts?
Will we split the bills or pay them together?
Will we have a pre-nuptial agreement?
Who will be responsible for the budgeting?
What is your spending style? Are you a spender or a saver?
How are you financially preparing for retirement?
What are your views on debt (credit cards, loans, etc.)?
How much can we spend each month?
How much do we plan on saving each month?
What are our long-term goals? Saving for a house? College? Retirement?
How much do you spend shopping each month?
Would you be able to curb discretionary spending?
Do we create a house budget and write down everything we spend?
Do we have a certain amount of money that's individual or are we pooling everything?
If one of us lost our job, what would we do?
Does one of us want a career change in the future? How would we finance that?
Do you have credit card or student loan debt?
If it came time to buy a new car, what kind would you get? How much would you spend? What are your plans now for saving towards that?
Do we have emergency money? How can we save that? What constitutes an "emergency"?
Is there a spending limit that we should check with each other before making purchases over a certain amount?
What are our priorities? Is college money more important or is a new kitchen, etc.?
Will each of us draft a will? What should the will say?

Home Life

Where will we live after the wedding?
Will we rent or purchase?
What chores are expected of each other?
Where will we live after we retire?
What will the bride's last name be after the wedding?
What will we do when both sets of our parents are in their advanced ages?

Careers

Will both of us work?
If I get a career opportunity in another city or state or even country, would you be willing to move?
When are we planning on retiring?

Religion

What religion will we practice, if any?
Will you be willing to convert to my religion?
Will it be okay if we each practice our own religion?
If we practice our own respective religions, will we expect the other to attend services with us?

Communication Style

Are you willing to talk about issues or do you brood?
How much communication is too much and leads to overload?
Would you be willing to seek help from a third party (counseling) if we are unable to resolve our issues on our own?

Temperament

How do you handle stress and crises that suddenly occur? Do you explode or do you step back and approach the issue calmly or somewhere in between?

Medical

Does your family have any history of serious medical problems?
Do you have a history of serious medical problems?
Have you ever been, or are now, addicted to: drinking, smoking, drugs, gambling?
Would you be opposed to the both of us getting tested for sexually transmitted diseases?
What should we do if the other is on life support? Will we draft a Living Will/Trust?

Our Wedding

In what city will our wedding be held?
What is the budget for our wedding?
How many people will we invite?
Who is responsible for the organization of our wedding? And how will the other person assist?

syringa · #3 03-10-2006, 03:37 PM

Communication style - Are you willing to talk about issues or do you brood?
How much communication is too much and leads to overload?

Temprament - How do you handle stress? Crises that suddenly occur? Do you explode or do you step back and approach the issue calmly or somewhere in between?

cru5h · #4 03-10-2006, 03:43 PM

I guess this fits under communication style:
Would you be willing to seek help from a third party (counseling) if we are unable to resolve our issues on our own?

feb-bride · #5 03-10-2006, 03:53 PM

I added a couple of questions to Steve's list (under finances).

Marrying_the_Good_Husband · #6 03-10-2006, 07:38 PM

Family Planning
What values do we want to instill in our children, and how will we do so?
How will we discipline our children?
What would be the consequences for ...?
How will we reward our children?
Will we give them allowance?
Will we set limits on privileges?
Where do we stand on junk food, video games...?
How much family time is appropriate?
What do you consider quality time as a family? With each other?
What is our long-term daycare plan? What's our back-up? Can we afford it?
How much time will we spend with the in-laws?
What will we do for holidays?
If it's a blended family, there's a MILLION more questions to address!!

Finances
How much can we spend each month?
How much do we plan on saving each month?
What our our long-term goals? Saving for a house? College? Retirement?
How much do you spend shoping each month?
Would you be able to curb discretionary spending?
Do we create a house budget and write down everything we spend?
Do we have a certain amount of money that's individual or are we pooling everything?
If one of us lost our job, what would we do?
Does one of us want a career change in the future? How would we finance that?
Do you have credit card or student loan debt?
If it came time to buy a new car, what kind would you get? How much would you spend? What are your plans now for saving towards that?
Do we have emergency money? How can we save that? What consitutes an "emergency"?
Is there a spending limit that we should check with each other before making purchases over a certain amount?
What are our priorities? Is college money more important or is a new kitchen, etc.?

Oh, my gosh! I could go on FOREVER!! I'll just leave it as this for now before I take over the entire thread with the thousands of points Dave and I have discussed, and continue to discuss daily.

Steph · #7 03-10-2006, 07:40 PM

I would possibly inquire as to whether or not one of the parties has a drug, drinking, gambling etc problem. It is a VERY important issue.

Alyssium · #8 01-29-2007, 03:31 AM

These are some great questions. I do some premarital counseling in my internship and I am always trying to think of great questions to ask. Here are some others I might use.

Families of Origin
• Do you get along with your own family of origin?
• Do you get along with your partners family of origin?
• What are some issues of concerns you have with both of your families of origin once you are married?
• Do you feel that your parents try to run your life?
• Do you feel that your partner’s parents try to run their life?
• Do you feel that you partner is too involved with their family of origin?
• Do you plan on living close to your families of origin once you are married?

Intimacy and Sexuality
• Do you feel your partner is affectionate enough towards you?
• Are you happy with the amount of romance that is in the relationship?
• Are you happy with the expectations your partner has for affection and romance?
• What is your expectation of the frequency of sex once you are married?
• Do you think sexual relations in a marriage is at least at some level an obligation?
• How long is too long to go without sex, under normal circumstances?
• Would you feel comfortable enough to discuss with your partner any problems or frustrations you might have with the frequency or performance of sex?

I think sexual intimacy should always be discussed to some level in premarital settings.

Brandonsgirl · #9 02-02-2008, 08:43 PM

GREAT LIST!!!

I recently purchased the book "1000 Questions to Ask Before you get Married" by Monica Mendez Leahy...and it's really great!!! There are 13 Parts to the book with about 4-6 sections in each part...

I can't wait to start it!