PreMartial Counseling

[Jennifer]

Did any of you have this or are you required to take counseling pre-wedding?

We had to go through a bit of it to get married. Luckily the church had it's classes on hold so we were exempt from those. But they did give us a recommended reading and we had 3 sessions with a counselor.

It was a good experience overall.

[whiddle]

Yes. We took a course with a therapist.

[wembley]

We will. We just took the Prepare test and then we'll go through the results and talk about things with the pastor once the results come back.

Since we are doing premarital counseling, we get a discount on our marriage license as well as an added bonus.

[555Ann555]

We haven't to and to be honest I'm a bit disappointed!

i enquired about it because you normally do have to do at least a few sessions prior to your marriage, but it's isn't happening in our parish. There simply aren't the resources available.

Then again, maybe I'm being selfish... I don't think Moreno would have enjoyed it very much, he is very private and shy...

[wynelle]

I think premarital counselling is very important.

It's not a matter of how much you *love* your sweetie, you wouldn't be getting married (usually) if you didn't think you loved them.

It's how you (the general, not specfc you) relate on other issues. If one member is a money-saver and the other is a free spirit-spender, it may be fun or interesting while you are dating, but face it, neither is going to change just because of marriage. If you like to eat out or grab dinner on the way home from work, and he/she likes a home cooked dinner every night--- it may be "quirky" while dating, but will become a source of contention later.

If he doesn't want children, and you *say* you don't want chldren, don't expect he wll change his mind after marriage just because he sees friends' adorable babies.

Premarital counselling should help each member understand not only their own attitudes, but how it can become a source of conflict and how to handle that conflict.

[Complicated Woman]

I haven't yet, but our church does require it and so we will have a few sessions with my boss and his wife. They're in many ways simply advice offering sessions. I'm not sure how revealing ours will be, since my boss already knows pretty much everything that would be covered in the sessions, but I look forward to it anyway.

[555Ann555]

I think we've got most of the big issues covered, we've been together for 12 years now! I just thought it could be useful to talk through what each of our expectations are...

I think that's something they normally cover too: What do you expect to change? How would you cope with it? What do you definately not want to change? Then the every day stuff like how do you decide about Christmas: who's family do you go to etc. Who pays the bills? Who is responsible for what?

I guess we'll just need to hash those out when we get to them lol. You know I'll be back on here venting about it soon enough

[feb-bride]

Originally Posted by 555Ann555

I think we've got most of the big issues covered, we've been together for 12 years now! I just thought it could be useful to talk through what each of our expectations are...

I think that's something they normally cover too: What do you expect to change? How would you cope with it? What do you definately not want to change? Then the every day stuff like how do you decide about Christmas: who's family do you go to etc. Who pays the bills? Who is responsible for what?

I guess we'll just need to hash those out when we get to them lol. You know I'll be back on here venting about it soon enough

You'd be surprised at how many issues crop up after marriage, even if you've been together for a long time before getting married.

My husband and I had been a couple for almost eight years (living together for almost seven years) when we got married and we already had two kids together. I had an expectation of what it would be like once we were married (financially planning for our future TOGETHER, etc.). My husband, on the other hand, did not see ANYTHING changing. We have had our share of difficulties as a result.

We did not go through any pre-marital counseling, but I really wish we had. I can tell you for a fact that my husband would NOT have wanted to attend, but I think we could have used this. I don't think we'd have a FRACTION of the issues we have in our marriage if we'd had someone talk us through some of life's big obstacles.

[syringa]

If Moreno would agree, you can get books or workbooks that you do together to take you through some of the basic issues of marriage. Perhaps he would be more willing to do it if it were just the two of you rather than with another person.

[ljeagle]

We will have a meeting with the minster by our self and then the next week it will be both of us with him. He is not doing this till April! I have been through it b-4 with the same minister so I'm not worried about it like I was last time.

[Mrs.Levitt]

We have the option of taking a course and then we would get our marriage license for $40 instead of $100 BUT we have to take 8 classes and its $20 a class. Kind of a rip off i think. We are not doing classes. I think we will be ok, they didnt have classes back in the day and my parents are at 30 yrs (after only knowing eachother 1 yr.) and his parents are divorced and both remarried, both new marriages are at 16 yrs.

I say if divorce is in our future .. a few classes arent going to change it when there arent any problems to speak of. Hopefully it will never happen, but if we are at that point or ever feel like we are heading in a bad direction, we will seek additional help.

[Kim&Bob2004]

We had a session with our Pastor. We basically just talked about marriage from Biblical standpoint. I wish we would have had a more in depth counseling class. I think it would have benefited us both. Our Pastor was very young though and he had never married anyone before so he just was nervous. We could have requested more but friends have provided some advice when needed, plus I have all of you! I strongly recommend it though!

[ladedah]

We had six sessions, normally we wouldn't be done yet...but we started early to finish before lent. I thought FH would hate it because he's really shy and thought it would be all about the biblical aspect of marriage...BUT we actually really enjoyed it and we did find some topics that made us communicate so that we are aware when potential differences arise. It was good.

[Marrying_the_Good_Husband]

I'm 100% in support of it! But, I'm sure that 's not a surprise to any of you! Dave and I haven't gone to a counselor together, but our personalities and the basis of our relationship is very "counselingish"--or filled with "counselness," if you prefer! Hee-hee. But we've talked/planned about EVERYTHING one could possibly expect to encounter in a lifetime together--and then some. Most of it was BEFORE we even got engaged, just to make sure we were totally on the same page too get engaged. And we talk about and work on our family, financial, relationship, etc., goals every day. We also concentrate fully on continuing to develop emotionally individually and as a couple every day of our lives.

[feb-bride]

Originally Posted by Marrying_the_Good_Husband

I'm 100% in support of it! But, I'm sure that 's not a surprise to any of you! Dave and I haven't gone to a counselor together, but our personalities and the basis of our relationship is very "counselingish"--or filled with "counselness," if you prefer! Hee-hee. But we've talked/planned about EVERYTHING one could possibly expect to encounter in a lifetime together--and then some. Most of it was BEFORE we even got engaged, just to make sure we were totally on the same page too get engaged. And we talk about and work on our family, financial, relationship, etc., goals every day. We also concentrate fully on continuing to develop emotionally individually and as a couple every day of our lives.

I believe that you and Dave are the exception. You are the ONE COUPLE I know who discusses everything. Most couples do not achieve your level of communication before they're even married.

[Marrying_the_Good_Husband]

Originally Posted by feb-bride

I believe that you and Dave are the exception. You are the ONE COUPLE I know who discusses everything. Most couples do not achieve your level of communication before they're even married.

I agree with you. No other individuals or couples we know are like us. They all say they WISH they were like us...but then why not just work on yourself and with each other like we do? LOL, that was a general statement. Since I replied to you, Feb, I didn't want you to think I meant you--or even anyone else here, for that matter.

[feb-bride]

Originally Posted by Marrying_the_Good_Husband

I agree with you. No other individuals or couples we know are like us. They all say they WISH they were like us...but then why not just work on yourself and with each other like we do? LOL, that was a general statement. Since I replied to you, Feb, I didn't want you to think I meant you--or even anyone else here, for that matter.

I know you weren't directing that at me.

I can honestly say that with all the self-discovery I've been through lately, I would have the communication level that you and Dave have IF my husband was the type to communicate at that level. The more I discover about myself and about how important HONEST, OPEN communication is, the more I realize what's lacking in my relationship with my husband.

[Marrying_the_Good_Husband]

Originally Posted by feb-bride

I know you weren't directing that at me.

I can honestly say that with all the self-discovery I've been through lately, I would have the communication level that you and Dave have IF my husband was the type to communicate at that level. The more I discover about myself and about how important HONEST, OPEN communication is, the more I realize what's lacking in my relationship with my husband.

Yeah, I can definitely see that. Once you start making that a priority in your own life, you very quickly realize the relationships where that's lacking. Just keep on doing what's right for you, you'll come to the answers in regards to your husband in your own time.

[breezy]

DF and I went to couples therapy about 2 years ago. While we no longer attend, it was helpful. I personally found it a relief that he consented to attending. He wasn't receptive to the idea when we 1st started dating.

It was a good tool for us. We have and continue to talk about most issues that have, do and will arrise in life. The big one right now is wills for us.

Our parenting style complements one another...we have fine tuned it over the last 5 years.

Our financial plan and implimentation is talked about on large scale about every 3 months or so. We tweek it, add more or less to savings, add to his 401k pay more on certain bills according to were we are at and what our goals are.

Our communication style is were we probably need the most work. We communicate, however it is not always as effective as I wish. We continue to get better though

I'll confess I initiate most of the conversations, I do wish that he would; however I am content that he is receptive and open to discussion.

The Pastor that we are hoping will marry us requires marriage counseling... so we will be attending in the near future.

[kenzies_mama]

We have to do alot of counseling sessions, we started with a pre-interview and a test. We still have to go to:
4-6 counseling sessions
6 weeks of meeting with other couples from the church
a couples retreat
Natural planning class
a religious background check - must provide baptism, and confirmation records
several meetings with the officiant to create our ceremony

I always wondered why they said to start 6 months early...

[sparklesweetie]

We are not going through any, as we won't even be meeting our officiant until the day of the ceremony. (Sounds personal, doesn't it?) But if we were getting married in a church, we'd probably have to go through it. But honestly...other than having the advice of already married couples, we've already (and still do) talk about finances, kids, the way we want to raise them, etc. So I think we're good.

[Sweetlips06]

We are going to have counseling with our pastor everyone thinks it would help since we are getting married so young.