Update... - The PASH Wedding Forums and Message Boards

555Ann555 · #1 03-08-2006, 08:54 PM

I've been really busy lately and hardly had any time to come on here so I thought I'd give you all a little update...

So what have I sorted out?

I've been to see our baker (family friend) and she said it'll be possible to make a variation on that cake I showed you all... (it is listed under 'my plans' page 1) It won't be identical to the picture but it should be similar. And the best part of it is that although it costs £300 for the cheapest wedding cake locally she is only changing us £150!!! And my mum has paid it for us!

What else?

You know Mo's mum had an issue with the FGs wearing black? Well his brother was over at the weekend and he said he'd rather his daughter didn't wear black... But when Mo left the room he overheard my FBIL saying that if we went with black his wife wouldn't let their daughter be in the wedding.

So it was basically change the colour or we're not playing.

Needless to say I was pissed off. Mainly because FSIL wasn't willing to let her wear the dress for one day, I just could not comprehend what the big deal was... Even days later; I just don't get the problem.

Anyway in the interest of my own sanity I went fabric shopping and I *think* I've managed to find a compromise that I can live with...

My FMIL wanted the girls in either a bright colour or ivory but I really didn't want either of those... Mo & I wanted black or black and gray but that was causing more issues than it was worth.

So.. the compromise is a light sage or periodot (or whatever you want to call it!) It looks like the colour of this bow, but won't actually have a big bow:

and the front hem will be raised to show a black underskirt like this:

They'll have a laced up back in black organza ribbon... There will be quite a lot of green in the bouquets and I figure those little touches of black will be enough to tie it all together.

I had my first day off in ages yesterday so I worked on my invites. I think I've got the final guest list done! I've addresses all the envelopes, stuffed them with the right invites (day/evening) and RSVP cards etc. They're now ready to go to the post office

I tried to post the overseas ones today but this stupid little town closes early on a Wednesday

so the first invitations will go out tomorrow...

Heather · #2 03-08-2006, 09:05 PM

I can't believe they were being such jerks about the FG dress color! How awful! What you have selected as an alternative though will be very beautiful.

You're on your way girl! So I should be rec'ving my invite in about two weeks right? hee hee

Lizbet · #3 03-08-2006, 09:06 PM

Yay!

How is the temp job coming? Have you heard anymore about becoming permanent?

I'm glad you found a compromise, but I agree that it just seems silly that they would keep their daughter out of the wedding because of the color of a dress.

The sage is nice, and I think it will look great with the black underskirt.

And, congrats on getting the invites done as well.

ljeagle · #4 03-09-2006, 12:20 AM

I love the FG dress u picked! Sorry that they didn't give on the color of the dress. You have more then what I have done. I still need to finish my invites!

Kim&Bob2004 · #5 03-09-2006, 12:26 AM

too bad about the FG dress colors. But you may end up liking this TONS better. It sure sounds wonderful! I WISH I COULD COME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

allison · #6 03-09-2006, 01:43 AM

The dresses will be beautiful!! I'm sorry you had to change your colors, but I think the alternative you picked is lovely.

Marge129 · #7 03-09-2006, 01:48 AM

I

those dresses!

Marrying_the_Good_Husband · #8 03-09-2006, 02:31 PM

Yeah, that seems pretty ridiculous. It's a COLOR--or lack thereof, as some people say, but whatever. However, I'm glad you found a compromise you're pleased with! I'm sure the dresses will be lovely! And that's wonderful about the cake!

Heather · #9 03-09-2006, 03:02 PM

You know what drives me crazy about this?

Ann is by far, one of the sweetest people I've ever talked with. For someone to behave that way toward her about HER wedding day really ticks me off.

You're future family is lucky I'm across the pond Ann.

Complicated Woman · #10 03-09-2006, 04:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Heather

You know what drives me crazy about this?

Ann is by far, one of the sweetest people I've ever talked with. For someone to behave that way toward her about HER wedding day really ticks me off.

You're future family is lucky I'm across the pond Ann.

You seriously took the words right out of my mouth.

ladedah · #11 03-09-2006, 04:51 PM

I think it sucks too!! I mean seriously what is the big deal? Anyways, I like what you picked for a compromise..(since you HAD to)

roseprincess · #12 03-09-2006, 05:05 PM

ok, I didn't say anything before b/c I agree that Ann is one of the sweetest people evarrr and I agree that everyone's entitled to their color choices, etc. However, I feel I must add something, FWIW.

*I* am one of those people who feel very strongly about children not wearing the color black. DH loves black so I conceded a little and we got DS2 a pair of black track pants with colored stripes down the sides. But all-black is just not happening.

I think with DS1 I waited until he was 9 or 10yo before he could wear a black shirt. I think it may be a cultural thing or whatever but the point is that some people really DO feel strongly about this and it's not fair to them either to just dismiss them (or their choice for their children) for this one thing.

Now, if they said unequivocally, "our child will only wear X-color", that's another story.

And I definitely think that Ann's FBIL could've handled it all a little better b/c SHE is such a sweet person that she deserves better than she got. I don't remember how old this little girl is or whether her parents are expected to purchase the dress or Ann & Mo are buying it (b/c I think the tradition over there is for the B&G to pay for the WP attire, right?). But I know that in the same situation I'd probably ask if there was some other way my child could participate, without having to wear black (like handing out programs, minding the guestbook, etc).

I am now officially bracing myself...

Ann, you ARE very sweet to have gone thru the trouble of finding this alternative and if it were my little girl, I'd be thrilled with your new dress selection. I think it'll look lovely with all your other green touches.

Complicated Woman · #13 03-09-2006, 05:21 PM

Can you explain the trouble with black? I just don't get it at all.

cru5h · #14 03-09-2006, 05:32 PM

The only time I'd heard of someone not wanting their children (and teens) to wear black was this one really tightly-wound Christian couple. I had no clue people felt that way about black, and passed it off as the way that particular family was. I'd be interested in hearing the cultural significance behind it myself. I never looked into it.

roseprincess · #15 03-09-2006, 05:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Complicated Woman

Can you explain the trouble with black? I just don't get it at all.

I was raised in a culture that associated black with mourning. But even children who are in mourning (in my culture) don't wear black, they wear a grey or white. To me, it's just a very grown-up color and not for children. If I want to try to get "psychological" about it, maybe it's yet another way to deny a child's innocence, purity and blah-blah-blah. KWIM? Another way in which our society keeps encroaching into what little is left of childhood nowadays. I think it's the same as how some people don't have little boys wear long pants, they wear knickers for many, many years (this a very old-fashioned European thing) -- I won't dress my babies in "grown-up" looking mini-suits either. We all have things like that, little things we don't even think about until someone else's POV challenges ours. I was horrified the first time I heard of black as a color for the BP. Now I'm not horrified but I would've never picked it for my own wedding. All my cousins feel the same way about this too (we've discussed it while planning our weddings).

Let's just say that to each his own. I don't expect or want to change anyone's opinion with regard to the color black but I did feel it wasn't fair to dismiss a parent for choosing not to dress their child in a particular color, whether it's black or red or whatever. You know, some people find camo clothes and gear for children offensive b/c camo is associated with the military and violence. It's a very personal thing and we're all entitled to have certain biases. If instead of Ann wanting the dresses to be black she'd chosen, say for example, a strapless dress for a five-year-old to wear... would everyone still be criticizing the parents for thinking it was inappropriate? I'm just saying. Just b/c none of the PPs has a problem with a child wearing black doesn't automatically mean no one in their right mind is gonna feel different. I know I'm a little weird but not THAT much.

Surely, a lot of you know that WHITE is the color of mourning in a lot of Asian countries? Imagine how they feel when they see the "traditional" Western bride, or a flower girl wearing white. Their fave color for brides is red, and for a long time in our culture, red was the color of wh0res...

cru5h · #16 03-09-2006, 05:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by roseprincess

If instead of Ann wanting the dresses to be black she'd chosen, say for example, a strapless dress for a five-year-old to wear... would everyone still be criticizing the parents for thinking it was inappropriate? I'm just saying. Just b/c none of the PPs has a problem with a child wearing black doesn't automatically mean no one in their right mind is gonna feel different. I know I'm a little weird but not THAT much.

Well said, good comparison.

Kim&Bob2004 · #17 03-09-2006, 05:52 PM

Rose, you aren't weird at all. I personally never gave color appropriate dress a thought, just style. I suppose some thought it was bad for my FG's to wear white........anyway........ I think whatever a parent feels strongly about for their child should be abided by and I think Ann handled it all very well too.

Love you both!

roseprincess · #18 03-09-2006, 05:56 PM

just to give you an idea how deeply ingrained this is in my cutural background, even the old ladies who went into deep mourning when they were widowed, wouldn't wear black to a wedding. They would wear black every day of their lives but as a guest to a wedding, they'd wear grey. I grew up hearing that only Italian women wore black to a wedding.

And my parents & their friends were all hippies, mind you. Not uptight Catholics or anything like that...

Heather · #19 03-09-2006, 06:42 PM

That's pretty interesting and I appreciate the explanation Rose so thank you for that.

It doesn't change my mind how I feel about this for someone else's wedding however. My attitude would be - 'don't be in the wedding'. Ann is a much better person than I am, lol.

Seriously - thanks for explaining. I always learn a lot from you!

555Ann555 · #20 03-09-2006, 09:48 PM

Oh man, I take a couple days off and look what happens to my thread

Yeah, Rose you're just a big weirdo for not loving black on kids!

Och, I understand why they don't like children in black. Mo's Mum's views are very similar to your's; she said they'd look like little ghosts, or like they were going to a funeral and not a wedding. I just though it was horrible that I had to hear third hand that my FSIL wouldn't let her daughter be involved.

But I have to try to let it go, it isn't worth the stress. I was going crazy thinking about how angry I was.

This is the season of lent after all, we're supposed to be sharing our kindness and love, showing how sorry we are for things we do wrong. I could hardly pray every day but still hold that much anger in me!

Although the temptation is always there to turn it around and say "Well it is lent for that bitch too, so were is her apology?" ::ahem:: ::straightens out her

::

Thank you so much for your kind words everyone! It's always lovely to hear you're well thought of

I don't have a big enough grin smilie

555Ann555 · #21 03-09-2006, 09:55 PM

ETA: So far so good on the job... I've worked hard and tried to make a good impression. I seem to have fitted in quite well in the office and they have extended it to 10wks instead of 6wks.

The other thing is that they recommended a job vacancy at their HQ in Glasgow; so I applied for it. And guess what...

I heard the Boss at this office speaking to the recruiter at the Glasgow branch and he was saying how great I am

I was so chuffed (Scottish for happy & excited). He walked into the office with the phone (I think it was so I could hear) and he was saying how well I'd suit the position and how great my IT skills were

The best bit is that it is the best place I've ever worked at! They're really all great

The atmosphere in the office is brilliant even when we're dead busy. I really, really wish I'd get this job.

I don't think I've ever wanted a job so badly! lol.

Complicated Woman · #22 03-09-2006, 10:01 PM

Whoo hoo Ann! That is great. You deserve the praise, I am sure.

that you get the position.

Marrying_the_Good_Husband · #23 03-10-2006, 04:25 PM

Ann, that's awesome!! Good luck! I hope you get it!!!

Steven Galvez · #24 03-10-2006, 04:27 PM

Good Luck, Ann!

feb-bride · #25 03-10-2006, 04:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Heather

That's pretty interesting and I appreciate the explanation Rose so thank you for that.

It doesn't change my mind how I feel about this for someone else's wedding however. My attitude would be - 'don't be in the wedding'. Ann is a much better person than I am, lol.

That was my attitude, too! I would never impose my feelings about a color on someone else's wedding, so I would not expect someone to do that to me.

I don't think an entire wedding should have to change because one person doesn't like the choice in color. Either deal with it or bow out of the wedding.

I've never thought of the color "black" (or lack of color) as being something awful for children to wear. To me, it's just another choice in color/lack of color. I appreciate your explanation, Micaela.