pregnant bride - The PASH Wedding Forums and Message Boards

lepaske · #1 03-02-2006, 07:51 PM

Hi,

I was planning on getting married in the summer of '07 and I was taking my time to plan everything just right, but then everything changed. I'm pregnant. I have no idea what to do now. I feel like I should get married around the third month just to please people and that doesn't bother me. I guess it would just be a courthouse thing, so that I'm "married". Although, where does that leave me when it comes to my dream wedding? Can I have another one at the time I was originally planning? Or just a reception, but then what about bridesmaids, and if just a reception, when? I'm not ready to have something big, so soon, mostly due to our financial situation.

I know I made a choice and I have to live with it, but is there a way to have my "wedding cake" and eat it too. Or is it breaking too many rules?

Need Help,
Lynne

cru5h · #2 03-02-2006, 07:55 PM

I'd wait until after you have the baby to have a wedding. I know you were planning on marrying anyway, but rushing into it for the sake of getting it out of the way isn't how you should feel about your wedding day. Stick with the original plan - that's my

Congratulations on your baby. We've got a few pregnant mamas around the forums. I'm sure they'll come in and say Hi to you

Steph · #3 03-02-2006, 07:56 PM

Welcome to the group!

fallbride · #4 03-02-2006, 07:57 PM

Welcome to Pash and Congrats on the baby and the wedding!

I agree with cru5h on this one. I would leave everything like you were planning.

Complicated Woman · #5 03-02-2006, 08:00 PM

I agree with cru5h as well. There's no reason to have regrets about your wedding day!

kenzies_mama · #6 03-02-2006, 08:03 PM

I wouldn't move it or worry about being married. We had baby about a year ago and aren't getting married until December. We didn't want to rush into anything, and it's silly to give up your dream wedding for something unplanned. If you really want to be married before you have the baby and still want the ceremony later I think that would be ok too, but make sure you checked with your church.

Marrying_the_Good_Husband · #7 03-02-2006, 08:06 PM

Hi! Only you can determine what's best for you, but I'll share my story. I was engaged to my college sweetheart when I got pregnant at 21. Our wedding was still going to be years off--not something either of us were ACTUALLY mentally, emotionally, physically, or financially prepared for. My mother INSISTED we get married right then. What's the big deal--we were going to get married anyway, right? Well, part of me always doubted WHAT would happen over the next couple of years, as we left college and moved into "the real world." I wanted to just have the baby and get married later. My mom pretty much used extortion to get us to marry then: i.e., she'll help watch the baby and give us a place to live if we married, if we didn't, the baby and I would be out on the street. We married. Six years later we divorced. I wish I had listened to my OWN instincts and had not gotten married instead of thinking about what you "should do" when you're pregnant and having a wedding far off in the future. There's a very real reason why you ARE planning on waiting a year and a half to get married. No matter what that reason is--so you can have your dream wedding or because you're not financially ready now or whatever--think about what that reason is. If you weren't pregnant would you get married now? No? Then I wouldn't get married now just because you are pregnant. But, whatever you decide, know that we'll be here for you. We're a supportive group!

roseprincess · #8 03-02-2006, 08:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cru5h

I'd wait until after you have the baby to have a wedding. I know you were planning on marrying anyway, but rushing into it for the sake of getting it out of the way isn't how you should feel about your wedding day. Stick with the original plan - that's my

Congratulations on your baby. We've got a few pregnant mamas around the forums. I'm sure they'll come in and say Hi to you

I totally agree w/ cru5h on this too... except if for your own sake (and not to please others) it'd make you unhappy to not be married to your baby's daddy. Does that make sense? It should be about what will make the two of you (as in you and your fiance) happy and not about social convention or what other people want.

If you want to be married to the baby's daddy before the birth, then figure out if you can scale down your dream wedding and still have a day you'll both love to look back on. If it's not an issue for *you* to be married before the birth, focus on being healthy and preparing for the baby now, then after you've recovered from the birth you can plan the wedding you had in mind.

Welcome to PASH and congratulations on your engagement AND your pregnancy!

cru5h · #9 03-02-2006, 08:06 PM

PS - please do not plan your life around what other people want. I'm sure you're referring to your parent(s), but they've had the say in the first 18 years of your life, if not more. It's time to make some decisions by what would please *you*. I know the lines are blurred because there are advantages to being married to the father of your child, but there are also advantages to staying single as well.

ARISMOM · #10 03-02-2006, 08:10 PM

I completely agree, I would say just keep going with your plans. I'm taking a guess that you're due in Nov or Dec. So by the time you get married you will already have your baby. dont worry about pleasing everyone else. especiaaly if they know of your plans to get married next year.

feb-bride · #11 03-02-2006, 08:20 PM

I believe that you should only get married right away if that's what YOU want. If you want to wait, then you should do so. Don't get married because other people expect you to; you need to lead your life based on what's good for you, not for everyone else.

Marge129 · #12 03-02-2006, 08:40 PM

I guess I should chime in on this one! I found out I was pregnant a few weeks after getting engaged. Originally, we were planning on a long engagement, but when I got pregnant we considered moving up the date to before the baby was born. Due to some problems we had, we decided to wait until after the baby's born to get married. The baby's due any day now and we're still not married. It was the best decision for me at that time and I have no regrets. I would've really regretted rushing into marrying him just because I was pregnant. But... things are much better now and we will probably get married around September or October of this year.

If I were you I'd what whatever you're most comfortable with. Don't get married to please other people. Get married because it's what's right for you. Don't let anyone push you into anything you're not 100% ready for. Putting a child through a break up is a lot easier than putting one through a nasty divorce.

If you do decide to get married, however, you can have a vow renewal in 2007 and make it your dream wedding.

TheaterDiva1 · #13 03-02-2006, 09:10 PM

I agree with the others.

Welcome to Pash!

ljeagle · #14 03-02-2006, 10:09 PM

I'm with everyone on this one! Do what you two want don't let others plan your life. WELCOME TO PASH!

Solar_Flare · #15 03-03-2006, 01:57 AM

I agree with everyone. No need to rush the wedding.

Welcome and congrats on your engagement and your pregnancy!

lisa82 · #16 03-03-2006, 02:27 AM

I really agree with what Margie is saying. I think it is best for you to do what you and your fiancee want, not what everyone else wants. But, if you both want to be married before the baby is born, then go for it. Do whatever is in your budget, then a vow renewal later on. I think vow renewals are SO romantic! Just have fun with whatever you decide to do. And congratulations on your pregnancy!!!

michaelsbride · #17 03-03-2006, 03:42 AM

nothing to add but that i agree with everyone else and welcome!!

clairon13 · #18 03-05-2006, 05:30 AM

my husband and i were not engaged for a very long time, and i ended up pregnant before we got married. i think i was about three months along when we got married, but it didn't alter our plans much b/cs i had some very last-minute planning anyway, and the only other thing that was a big deal was to let my immediately close friends know so that they would know exactly what they were supporting. i did have a full wedding w/ dress, cake, the whole 9 yards, so i won't say it is impossible, but our timetable allowed us to do so. we had set a date for this spring initially, then changed it, and had we set the later date, we probably wouldn't have had the dream wedding. but i do agree w/ the others.. don't let others dicate waht you do... it is you, your fh, and your baby's lives involved, no others.