Baptist Reception Vs Catholic Reception - The PASH Wedding Forums and Message Boards

MOG · #1 02-23-2006, 06:40 PM

I am looking for some input from anyone that has had a similiar situation. My son ig marrying a Baptist girl in her church. My son is Catholic and a priest will be available to make the wedding official from the Catholic's perspective. Here's the problem - the reception. My son and his fiancee both want to have alcoholic beverages at their reception - complete with a band and dancing. The bride's family does not. The brides mom is worried about the way alcohol would reflect on her and her reputation. She is very much against alcohol and would feel like a hyprocrite if it was at the reception. They tried to compromise with her by saying they would serve it after dinner and they cut the cake and not make any available during dinner. But she said "no". She also does not want the liability that she feels will go along with drinking - so the groom's family is going to assume the liability for the insurance part of the reception. But she still says "no".

My question is this - is there a way to word the reception invitation that there will be a "after party/dance" provided by the groom's family - and like have the times (i.e. 8:00 - 12:00)

And if so.....do you think by wording it a certain way that it would make it clear to everyone that this part of the reception is provided by the groom's family and therefore should have no reflections on the bride's family and their beliefs.

Is there a way to still have the reception the way the bride and groom want to have it but not offend those that are against it. Any suggestions would be great.

Steph · #2 02-23-2006, 06:48 PM

It seems like it might be quite a long day with a wedding and two receptions. Is there any way you could have another reception a few weeks later in a more relaxed atmosphere? BBQ's are always fun.

Complicated Woman · #3 02-23-2006, 06:51 PM

Well, if the MOB isn't paying for the reception, it isn't her party and it isn't a reflection on her. I think that can be spread by word of mouth. I wouldn't indicate who is paying for what on the invitation.

Are they planning on inviting many people who will be offended by drinking and dancing? Are these people important to the bride, or to her mother?

Ultimately, I think a couple should have the wedding they want to have. There's no reason for it to reflect poorly on someone who isn't paying for it or getting married.

cru5h · #4 02-23-2006, 06:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Complicated Woman

Well, if the MOB isn't paying for the reception, it isn't her party and it isn't a reflection on her. I think that can be spread by word of mouth. I wouldn't indicate who is paying for what on the invitation.

Ultimately, I think a couple should have the wedding they want to have. There's no reason for it to reflect poorly on someone who isn't paying for it or getting married.

Amen. No pun intended. Ok...yeah it was.

Marrying_the_Good_Husband · #5 02-23-2006, 06:56 PM

MOG, I suggest cutting and pasting this into our guest expert forum for Sharon Naylor. She might give you some suggestions.

Marge129 · #6 02-23-2006, 07:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Complicated Woman

Well, if the MOB isn't paying for the reception, it isn't her party and it isn't a reflection on her. I think that can be spread by word of mouth. I wouldn't indicate who is paying for what on the invitation.

Are they planning on inviting many people who will be offended by drinking and dancing? Are these people important to the bride, or to her mother?

Ultimately, I think a couple should have the wedding they want to have. There's no reason for it to reflect poorly on someone who isn't paying for it or getting married.

I agree.

I also agree with MTGH.. Sharon Naylor should be able to help, too.

ladedah · #7 02-23-2006, 07:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Complicated Woman

Well, if the MOB isn't paying for the reception, it isn't her party and it isn't a reflection on her. I think that can be spread by word of mouth. I wouldn't indicate who is paying for what on the invitation.

Are they planning on inviting many people who will be offended by drinking and dancing? Are these people important to the bride, or to her mother?

Ultimately, I think a couple should have the wedding they want to have. There's no reason for it to reflect poorly on someone who isn't paying for it or getting married.

i agree as well, but my one question is how does this have anything to do with Baptist vs Catholic weddings and receptions?

Marge129 · #8 02-23-2006, 07:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ladedah

i agree as well, but my one question is how does this have anything to do with Baptist vs Catholic weddings and receptions?

Catholics drink... Baptists don't.

Steph · #9 02-23-2006, 07:59 PM

I thought I went to a Baptist Christmas Eve service down in FL a few years ago with my brother's wife's family and I could have sworn they had wine packets in our bag they passed out with candles and stuff. Hmmm.

ladedah · #10 02-23-2006, 07:59 PM

right...I wasn't aware...thanks for the clarification.

wembley · #11 02-23-2006, 08:13 PM

We had problems with FH being Catholic and I'm Baptist but not on the drinking aspect. We were thinking about getting married in his church because it's bigger and his priest wouldn't marry us unless I was Catholic. No thank you, not just to get married in the building.

That must be an old-school Baptist because those rules about no drinking or dancing or games or any fun what-so-ever, are not so strong anymore.

I do know that when my mom got married, her mom was very worried about what the family would say to a wedding with alcohol served. She was worried that they wouldn't even come. It ended up being the ones she was the most worried about that came and had a great time. They were even thankful that someone had some fun at their reception.

I would say if the MOB isn't paying the whole bill, it's the couple's day and not hers. They should do what makes them happy. I do think it's nice to be respectful and if the Bride wants to wait until later to serve the drinks, then go for it. I'm not sure how you would word that, but you'd be surprised who will come and have fun. Those family members that don't want to partake, can just go home after dinner.

Marge129 · #12 02-23-2006, 08:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wembley

That must be an old-school Baptist because those rules about no drinking or dancing or games or any fun what-so-ever, are not so strong anymore.

I was just coming back to add something along those lines. Certain Baptists do drink. I think it's mainly the Southern Baptists that don't. Didn't mean to "chunk" everyone together. My bad.

It's kinda like Methodists. I'm born and raised Methodist. Methodists (generally) are against drinking... hence the grape juice instead of wine for communion. But... my entire family drinks... as do many of our church friends.

ladedah · #13 02-23-2006, 09:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Marge129

It's kinda like Methodists. I'm born and raised Methodist. Methodists (generally) are against drinking... hence the grape juice instead of wine for communion. But... my entire family drinks... as do many of our church friends.

I'll add to this (if you don't mind, Margie) because I am also born and raised a Methodist...and have been fairly active in the church. so to elaborate on the no drinking thing...the official Mission Statement of the methodist church elaborates on ministry to personal well-being...obviously because of this fact and the dangers of dependency on alcohol they promote abstinence from alcohol as an individual choice and recommend either abstinence from drinking or a commitment to responsible drinking...

It's also why they use the non-alcoholic wine at communion.

While we have been going through our pre-maritial counseling we invited our pastor and his wife to our house for dinner for one of our sessions...we all had wine (just one glass of course...responsible drinking

)

kenzies_mama · #14 02-23-2006, 10:42 PM

Some southern bapist actually call themselves that so don't worry about chunking them together, My dad's side is southern bapist and will sit across the room from the bar, if they have a problem with it they can leave or not come at all, it's my wedding not theirs. But also my mom is Catholic and so are FH's. If the bride wants it and her mother is not paying you should have it.

syringa · #15 02-23-2006, 10:58 PM

I think that the mother is out of line by insisting that the bride and groom do what she asks despite what they and the groom's family want. I would not word the invitations in any special way. When the alcohol comes out, then those who are uncomfortable can leave if they choose.

I live in a heavily LDS area (they don't drink but they do dance) and we run into this all the time. By waiting until after dinner to bring out the alcohol, all of the guests will have had time to enjoy the food and the cake. Those who are not intimidated by someone having a glass of wine or a beer will stay; others can leave. I would not see it as a reflection on the couple or on the mother if guests leave, particularly if they are casual friends of the couple.

Heather · #16 02-23-2006, 11:18 PM

I agree with Syringa 100%.

MOG - Syringa is a wedding (and event) coordinator so you can trust her judgement without any doubts.

ljeagle · #17 02-24-2006, 12:31 AM

I'm taking it since the mother said no alcoholic beverages that she is paying for this. If she is paying for it she has a say in it. I am Regular Baptist I do drink but my mother does not. She would be so upset if I would even be thinking about drinking at the wedding. She would still be there but she would not help with the money. Thats just her beliefs! Try to look at it from the MOB eyes. If you was of the Baptist belief and did not belief in drinking what would you do. Personal I think by doing a after party for drinking is a good thing. But it could turn out that the MOB gets hurt. If the reception is at the church they need to check the rules. I have never been to a Baptist church that allowed alcoholic or dancing or any music with a beat.

Kim&Bob2004 · #18 02-24-2006, 01:34 AM

We didn't have drinking at our reception. We had our reception in the church fellowship hall, hence no drinking. My Mother is very anti-drink though. She comes from an alcoholic family. Is this maybe the case with your MOB? Even if we could have had drinks, mine wouldn't have even come to our wedding if we had them. She believes that one drink can make you be an alcoholic. Not true, but what can one say to someone set on that belief. So while Bob wanted us to toast with champagne, we used punch instead. To us it wasn't a big deal. But, maybe the couple needs to just tell the MOB (unless she is paying for it) this is what they want. Wish I had more advice.

SuzyBride · #19 02-24-2006, 04:46 AM

I think CW had the perfect answer to this!

baconsmom · #20 02-24-2006, 10:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wembley

We had problems with FH being Catholic and I'm Baptist but not on the drinking aspect. We were thinking about getting married in his church because it's bigger and his priest wouldn't marry us unless I was Catholic. No thank you, not just to get married in the building.

That must be an old-school Baptist because those rules about no drinking or dancing or games or any fun what-so-ever, are not so strong anymore.

That must have been an old-school priest, too, because while he personally can refuse to witness your ceremony, he can't tell you you have to both be Catholic, because you don't. Just in case your FH ever wants to make the marriage official in the Catholic Church.

wedbyjean · #21 02-25-2006, 03:48 PM

This partly depends on who is paying for the reception, since they get a "say" in what goes. If someone else besides the B&G are footing the bill and their "say" is the same as what the bride and groom want, then it's pretty smooth sailing. However, if this say is not what the bride and groom want, then the bride and groom have a decision to make -- either (1) go along with the wishes of the one with the wallet and not get what they want, or (2) say thanks but no thanks, we're going to pay for it ourselves so we can have what we want.

Hosting an "after party" can create some problems of its own. With an "after party" you can't exclude anyone (you either invite everyone or no one). Also you don't want to "out-do" the reception, and you don't want to imply "their reception isn't good enough, so we're going to have our own."