Guest list

[Indigo]

I can't seem to figure out our guest list for the wedding and reception. It is in my home town, 6 hours away from me and my wedding party, but close to a lot of my family. It seems that all of my family and all the members of my wedding party have kids. I have counted the two people who said they were coming (even thought they were not officially invited yet) and all of my close family and wedding party and it comes to 24 kids and 56 adults. That is way over the limit (70) for the reception place (where they mentioned they don't really care for kids due to the place having lots of antiques laying around). Oh well. Becasue my FH's two cousins with boyfriends and 6 kids said they were coming (before they were invited) I may have to leave out people I really care about. My FH has never been close to these two cousins of his and I would prefer to leave them out. Can I not invite people who think they are invited or can I leave out thier kids? They live here 6 hours away from the wedding. I don't think they would have a place to leave thier kids. I have not lived in my home town for 23 years and I do not know any kids or sitters to sit with all the children in some hotel room during the reception. There is just not enough room for everyone. I would rather pick and choose which kids can come. I could then leave out some of my aunts and uncles huge selection of kids also. It would then leave my kid, the wedding partys kids, and a couple of select kids that have had to travel there but they only have one or two. I love kids but if you decide to have tons of them you may have to realize that people cannot invite you all. I don't know I prob. sound way off base here. I just think it's crazy to assume your 9 person family can be accomodated.

BTW the people chose to attend are all very close friends and close family. There is no one else to leave out unless I leave out my two cousins who I only see once every 10 years and would love to have them there. We see my FH's cousins and their entourage of kids all the time.

[Sharon Naylor]

Your answer is within the question....sounds to me like you already know the best move but are clouding it up with a dozen what-if's. Since the location has expressed that they're not comfortable with having lots of kids around, then go with your gut and just hand-select which kids will attend. The rest of your guests will have to figure out a plan for leaving their kids with a trusted family member back home (and they might enjoy getting away for an adults-only weekend!). Since you're not from the area, you're right on target about not hiring strangers to watch a bunch of kids in a hotel room. Parents can always bring along a sitter that they know and trust -- in my neck of the woods, families bring a babysitter along on vacation for a week. OR (as I did at my wedding), you can have a family friend watch the kids, and you take the sitter out for a night on the town later.

As for the rest of your guest list, hand-select only the adults who make your Must Have list. Sounds like some people are a "?" to you. So even though guest lists are tricky business, especially when it comes to leaving kids off the list, families have been through this a dozen times for other weddings and may already have a plan in place. If they don't, I'd suggest drafting a friendly e-mail of 'directions for parents' in which you explain the situation, how you value their kids' safety too much to leave them with untested and unknown strangers (even if they are on the hotel's or church's okay list), so list some possibilities in a friendly tone. Something like "Many of our guests are excited for a weekend away, so they're leaving their kids with Grandma and Grandpa." Open with "We wish we could include all of the kids, but the site has antiques on display, and we're limited in space available." If guests have any issues after your gracious note, that's their bad etiquette.