Nieces Vs 2nd Cousins - The PASH Wedding Forums and Message Boards

IMTHEGROOM · #1 02-22-2006, 11:06 PM

My FW and I had decided not to have kids at the reception besides my niece(13) who is in the WP along with her mother(sister) and father. After thinking about this for awhile I also would like my other niece (the sister of the one in the wedding) who is 5 to be at the reception even though she is not in the wedding party. Now that I have brought this up to my FW we have been arguing about this non-stop. She is saying that if we invite my 1 niece she would in turn have to invite 10 of her cousins kids. Now I did not say that her 2nd cousins are not as important as my niece but is there a difference when it comes to the two when inviting? I am stuck in between a rock and hard place here because I am trying to please my family but also stick to my decision of no children. I think when we decided this I spoke b4 I thought about the situation and now it bitting me in the A$$

What do I do?

PS Is there specific etiquette on inviting of nieces/nephews vs 2nd cousins??

munchkin · #2 02-22-2006, 11:11 PM

There's no specific etiquette as the couple is supposed to invite those closest to them.
Why would you not be inviting your other niece? Would it not cause problems if the entire family is going except for her (you said her sister, her mom and her dad would all be there). Where would she be if not with her parents and sister?
Personally I wouldn't invite second cousins because they're not as close as nieces/nephews, but it really is up to you. What was her reasoning for having to invite second cousins if your nieces are invited?

IMTHEGROOM · #3 02-22-2006, 11:15 PM

Her reasoning is that it would be unfair if my nieces were invited and no other kids were. Then said "Im sorry my sister doens't have kids" but she keeps thinking that our family thinks its more important then hers. I have never heard of her 2nd cousins or know where they even live. Im not iviting the other niece bc we first decided no kids but since I am the godfather of the older one she would be there. I also told her I was not inviting my cousins kids.

Marge129 · #4 02-22-2006, 11:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by IMTHEGROOM

Her reasoning is that it would be unfair if my nieces were invited and no other kids were.

Normally that is the case... but one of your nieces is in the wedding. It only makes sense if the rest of the family will be there to invite the other niece, too.

I would invite both nieces and that's it.

munchkin · #5 02-22-2006, 11:19 PM

A few weddings I've been to have excluded all kids except those in the wedding party and their siblings. This keeps it from looking like you're playing favourites.

SuzyBride · #6 02-22-2006, 11:19 PM

So she isn't even close to them? Do you think that if they were invited they would even come? If it is highly unlikely they will come, then I would go ahead and invite them to keep the peace. Are you close to your neices? I mean, inviting kids you are close to is one thing, inviting kids you don't even know is another!

IMTHEGROOM · #7 02-22-2006, 11:23 PM

I don't know how close they are but i can say in the past two years she has seen my nieces more then her cousins. I am very close with my nieces, I see them once a week. But she still makes the case that she would have to invite 10 of hers. But that is not my problem right? I get 75 people to invite at my discrestion.

SuzyBride · #8 02-22-2006, 11:25 PM

Why is she under the impression that she HAS to invite her 10 2nd cousins just because you invite your neices!?! And if the agreement was you get to invite 75, then you should be able to invite any 75 you want! The old man sitting on the park bench is fair game if that was the agreement!

IMTHEGROOM · #9 02-22-2006, 11:27 PM

When were first started talking about this we decided no kids now that I have had time to think about it she thinks I shouldn't go back on OUR decision.

Marge129 · #10 02-22-2006, 11:28 PM

You're inviting 2 kids! One is in the WP and the other is her sister! Why SHOULDN'T they be invited?!

I don't think you're going back on your decision at all. Your FW is being silly.

IMTHEGROOM · #11 02-22-2006, 11:31 PM

I just think her whole reasoning is that she does not want kids there at all. And it really sucks cause my family means everything to me. This has caused so much drama in my family. And I just want it over with.

munchkin · #12 02-22-2006, 11:31 PM

I can't understand where your FW is coming from on this, so I still say you should stick with inviting your nieces and that's it. Why are you even having kids in the wedding party if she doesn't want kids there at all?

IMTHEGROOM · #13 02-22-2006, 11:34 PM

My sister even stated that should wouldn't even keep her there all night maybe till 830-9. So its not like she would be there running around all night. The only thing I see a problem with is what does she do with her duing photos and when we are in the wedding party room during cocktail hour?

WE Are having just one kid from each side. B/C I am the godfather and I told her I wanted her there.

munchkin · #14 02-22-2006, 11:40 PM

Won't she be in some of the photos as your niece? Also, is there someone who could take care of her for a bit while the photos are being taken if she's not going to be in them?

Complicated Woman · #15 02-22-2006, 11:44 PM

Honestly, I would sit down and talk to your FW. She must be upset about something else. It makes no sense for her to be up in arms about you having your niece since the other one is in the BP and you are very close to them. You two are joining your families together. Your nieces are her nieces. If you aren't approaching it with that mindset, you might want to start.

Kim&Bob2004 · #16 02-22-2006, 11:45 PM

I think your FW is just having some stress. When is the wedding?

deputysgurl · #17 02-22-2006, 11:50 PM

personally this is what we did.
WE are haveing all neices and nephews there, but no 2nd cousins. My fh wasn't very open to this idea cuz he didn't want a ton of kids there, but when i told him that my nephews and neices are my life and they are very important and that they were going to be his too, he got the picture.
I just thought I would tell you how i handled the same situation.
Hope this helps.

IMTHEGROOM · #18 02-22-2006, 11:50 PM

Wedding May 2007

munchkin · #19 02-22-2006, 11:53 PM

dude, you've got plenty of time. Hopefully your fiancee isn't getting too stressed out about this right now.

Kim&Bob2004 · #20 02-22-2006, 11:55 PM

So the wedding is next May. You have a lot of time to worry about invites. I would maybe just take a few weeks off wedding planing and relax. She sounds like she is getting stressed and I like DG's option on inviting nieces and nephews.

IMTHEGROOM · #21 02-22-2006, 11:56 PM

Oh she is. I don't see her changing her mind either. She believes that proper etiquette is no children at a night reception. I just want everyone to be happy about this. I want all of my family there.

IMTHEGROOM · #22 02-22-2006, 11:58 PM

Thanks Ladies Ill check back tomorrow to see if anyone has anymore input.

Kim&Bob2004 · #23 02-23-2006, 12:00 AM

Well, most people, as discussed, with young children will not stay really late anyway. Like I said, relax and take some time off wedding planing. Oh and when you do your premartial counseling, talk about this topic with your officant. You do have to come to an agreement, and maybe having some unbiased input would help her come to terms or you....... hope that helps. Bob and I never had fights over wedding plans........ so I have no other advice to offer.

munchkin · #24 02-23-2006, 12:18 AM

There's no etiquette that states no children at a night reception. It's purely just something that few people do because it's at night and most kids need their sleep. Personally I'm having no kids at all, in the wedding party or anything, so I can see your fiancee's point, but I don't see how inviting one niece=inviting 10 second cousins.

555Ann555 · #25 02-23-2006, 12:54 AM

Firstly Hello

Perhaps your FW is getting pressure from her side of the family about inviting her 2nd cousins, there must be something going on behind the scenes here for her to feel so anxious about one extra child when that childs whole family was coming already.

Maybe there is a lot going on, a lot of bitching or pressure she feels because of the decision of 'no kids'. Is it possible that she has had to defend the notion of 'no kids' to her family only to have to expain that there will now be an exception to the rule?

Unless, and please don't take offence, but do you have a habit of shifting the goal posts on her? If so; maybe this is a reaction to the past rather than the present.