Large family and on a budget - The PASH Wedding Forums and Message Boards

Complicated Woman · #1 02-21-2006, 08:52 PM

My fiance and I live in NY about an hour and a half out of NYC. Prices for everything are rather high because of commuters living here. Just inviting our families and closest friends (really -- only 7), we have a guest list of 125 people. I would love to have a really elegant wedding without absolutely breaking the bank or excluding our loved ones.

I had thought about doing an hor d'ouvres reception -- heavy, fabulous hor d'ouvres -- with cake, but (the plot thickens

) I'm a youth pastor in a dry denomination and can't serve drinks. This makes me think that an hor d'ouvres reception, even heavy ones, will seem really cheap. Any advice you can offer would be greatly appreciated.

Sharon Naylor · #2 02-22-2006, 10:33 PM

Your idea for an hors d'oeuvre reception is a great one...just watch out for your caterer's prices on your food selections because it's no longer less expensive to just do appetizer-type foods. (They're onto us! Prices can be equal to sit-down meals, depending on your choices). Talk to your caterer about creating a fabulous selection of unique items your guests don't get to have very often. THAT's the way to make even a modest-budget menu seem like you spent three times as much. Your caterer can suggest lots of great alternatives to the usuals, including those hot, heavy dishes you have in mind. At a wedding I attended recently, they served little pieces of chicken with a swiss cheese and heavy cream sauce that was AMAZING. All on little toothpicks. It was the kick of the swiss cheese that had everyone scrambling to get more. The bacon-wrapped scallop person was left all by his lonesome.

As for your concern about the drink menu, you can handle that by creating really terrific non-alcoholic blender drinks, great punches, unique soft drinks (I recommended www.fizzylizzy.com on this forum in another post). Again, unique drinks make it look like you spent more. And of course, you can build up your dessert menu to have another option or two besides wedding cake. Try chocolate-covered strawberries and fruits, and maybe a white chocolate mousse or berry-filled crepes. Again, go with something your guests don't get too often.

Another option if you find that the hors d'oeuvre menu is pushing your limits, and that also knocks out the alcohol question, is having a dessert reception. You'll serve wedding cake, a variety of great desserts from your favorite bakery, along with a variety of flavored coffees and teas. If you wish to hold your reception after 8pm, this style could be right for you.

If you'd like more advice on this, just let me know!

Kim&Bob2004 · #3 02-22-2006, 11:50 PM

Oh WOW! Those sound like great ideas!

Complicated Woman · #4 02-22-2006, 11:50 PM

Thank you so much for your advice! Also (this has already been discussed on the forum, but I'd still like your opinion), do you think it would be tacky to offer a cash bar? I personally am not opposed to drinking and would like to provide it as an option for my guests without actually purchasing alcohol and hurting myself professionally. If it were up to me, I would have an open bar. However, my hands are tied. Thanks again!

munchkin · #5 02-22-2006, 11:55 PM

urgh, I think a cash bar might be seen as very tacky.....at least by etiquette standards. Personally I don't care very much, but I could see where it would offend people.

Complicated Woman · #6 02-23-2006, 12:01 AM

I know what you mean, munchkin. I feel like I have to pick between being really tacky or controlling and condemning of something I don't actually condemn. KWIM?

munchkin · #7 02-23-2006, 12:16 AM

yeah, that sucks.

555Ann555 · #8 02-23-2006, 01:00 AM

I have no issue at all with cash bars but then 90% of the time that's what you find over here...

Anyway, on the topic of your reception; I *love* the sound of that dessert reception! All different sweets & cakes & fancy coffee

I think I'd definately have to vote for that choice! I've heard cake receptions mentioned in here before but it had never really appealed to me because I just thought it would be the wedding cake and nothing else. I thought it sounded a bit barren, but if you had a real selection I think it could be stunning, very elegant and hopefully cost-effective.

SuzyBride · #9 02-23-2006, 04:00 AM

I had a cash bar and it worked out great!! No one was offended as it is common here. If I was attending a wedding I would rather have a choice then to be told I can't have an alcoholic beverage because someone can't afford to buy me one or can't due to other reasons. Not that you have to drink to have a good time, that is by no means what I am saying... I just know that my reception guests would have been offended if I told them they couldn't drink.

Sharon Naylor · #10 02-23-2006, 08:21 PM

Cash bars are a tricky etiquette thing, because it's a very accepted practice in some regions and frowned-upon in others. Most etiquette experts will tell you that a cash bar is tacky and to avoid it, but the beauty of weddings today is that you can do whatever fits your life parameters best. Have you thought about having alcohol at an after-party where your professional status isn't a factor?

Cirig · #11 02-23-2006, 08:42 PM

Hey CW- how far are you from Rockland Cty? I know of a great place that can do a party for 125 people, pretty cheap. They have great food, and the place is very nice.

http://www.laterrazza.com/picture.html

ETA: They serve a lot of food. We took the smallest package for our engagment party. Had 75 people (Italian Family *sigh*) And had open bar. It cost us under $2k. I was shocked- seriously. I tried to convince FH to have the wedding there, but alas he wanted a "big" wedding.

Complicated Woman · #12 02-23-2006, 09:42 PM

Wow...I love that room with the fireplace. How cozy and beautiful would that be in the winter?

We're kind of far, but I was thinking of having a wedding a little bit further away to cut down on people from church who wish they could go but aren't invited. I'll have to show that to Tom. Thank you so much, Cirig.

Cirig · #13 02-24-2006, 03:26 AM

OK- I'll give you a bit more info then- this is what I know

*Thats all I needed!!*

On the down side (maybe) It would have to be an afternoon reception. Because this is also a restaurant, and if they need to close for dinner- they will charge a minimum of 10K.

What I did, I paid for the meals (which they counted that day- and only needed a rough head count about a week ahead of time) I also added a yummy "Pink champagne punch" to all the tables. And rather than paying up front for "open bar". I had them add any drinks that were orderered to my tab. At first I thought this was a huge mistake- every time I saw someone with a glass I was cringing

I hate to sound cheap, but I'm not rich. I think because it was the early afternoon people must not have been drinking that much- I don't know. The bill was cheap. Much cheaper than it would have been if I had paid the $10 per person to have open bar.

OH- and that room with the fireplace. That was my room

It actually even has a dance floor/ area- if you wanted to hire a DJ. And if you want- the party can be held outside on a big deck with a tent over it.

ANYWAYS- give me an inch and I'll go a mile! LOL, good luck!!