Invite ediquette

[Indigo]

Hi I am new here and hope this is the place to post my question.

I am having a very small reception out of state. The place holds a maximum 70 people. When writing out a guest list I am finding that a lot of my family have 2-3 children. They live out of state (where the reception is held). My good friends here, have 1 child. Since they are traveling, they have to bring their kids. 2-3 year olds. Is it reasonable to say only certain people can bring their kids and others cannot? If I allow everyone to bring their kids, there would be 25 kids at the wedding. That means I cannot invite 25 adult people to the reception to make room for all the kids. Also I don't mind a few kids at the wedding (my son and my 2 neices and a few friends only kids) but I don't want the whole reception to be romper room.

Am I being unreasonable. I tend to try and be a very accomodating person and don't want to sound mean. I just can picture what it would be like to have all those kids. I also cannot tell my friends to leave their kids for a weekend. That is not possible. So basically I cannot make it a "No children reception" but I don't want all children.

Someone suggested I make the invites seem like I don't want kids but don't really come out and say it. Like just address it to the man and woman or put their name and a guest on the invite.

Any suggestion on how I could write this?

Mrs. Johnson _________ yes __________ no
Guest _______ yes __________ no

What about something like this?

I have been reading past posts and everyone seems really nice here and you also have great suggestions. I hope you guys can help me sort this out or put me in my place and tell me I am being a demon bride

Wedding date July 29th 2006

[Marge129]

The only exceptions for children at your wedding should be your own children and the children that are in the wedding party. Otherwise, it should be an "all or nothing" type of thing. I know I would be very upset if I were told I couldn't bring my children only to arrive at the reception and find that other people were allowed to bring theirs.

[ljeagle]

WELCOME TO PASH! Jump on in and have fun! I think you need to put adult reception some where on the invite. Just because if you don't tell people this they will still bring kids. Is there any other room that they would let you have and you could put the kids there. Make a big play room for them and order them Pizza. Don't worry your not a demon bride. There is a lot of people here that are not inviting kids to the reception. I'm the odd ball I don't want kids at the ceremony but they can join us for the reception. I have a baby sitter that is keeping the kids during the ceremony in the churches nursery.

[roseprincess]

for me, this is a tough one... but rest assured you'll get plenty of response to your question. And this may be moved to the "Wediquette" forum b/c it actually pertains to a matter of etiquette.

Ok, on this subject the consensus on this forum has been that, while you are technically entitled to invite whomever *you* (the bride and groom) want, the polite thing to do is make it clear: a) NO children whatsoever, b) only close family children (your son, any nieces & nephews), c) everyone's children.

I understand that you want your close friends to attend but by inviting their children and not family's you'll open yourself up to a lot of flak. So, it just depends on how much you're willing to hear about it from people whose kids aren't invited. It also depends on your family, I guess. In some families (like mine), children are a given at weddings. In other families, they're not.

[Complicated Woman]

I know that according to etiquette, you really ought not invite one friend's children if you aren't going to invite everyone's children. That said, I think allowing your friends who will be travelling to bring their child would probably end up being fine. Though you would surely get flak, I think that it could be easily explained. I think I would understand the distinction if I were a guest with children. Or, you could try talking to your friends who will travel and explaining your situation. Maybe there is a grandparent that could watch the child for a weekend and it could turn into a mini vacation for the parents.

Good luck with your situation and congrats on your engagement and upcoming wedding. And welcome to Pash!

[wembley]

I kind of like LJ's idea of a kid room or CW's idea of finding someone to leave the kids with at home. Is there anyone you know that you could hire to babysit during the wedding events? Maybe that way the friends coming from out of town could still bring their children but they wouldn't have to come to the actual wedding.

Oh, and Welcome!!

[breezy]

Girlscouts have to earn a babysitting badge and their leader usually oversees the whole thing... They are a good option if you don't have one for babysitters.

On the etiquett of it all I would say post in the "ask Sharon Naylor, Author" forum.

I totally understand from a bride POV inviting some of the children, but from a guest POV I would also be mad if I couldn't bring my children and there were others there (not involved in the wedding party)

[cru5h]

I'm not sure of the etiquette, but I can see it would cause a little guilt to invite some but not all. Some other brides have elected to have an older teenage relative or friend of the family "babysit" or at least keep them corraled during the ceremony/reception. They pay them in some fashion, either by gift or money.

With 2 and 3 year olds, that's a lot to ask of one person. Maybe there is a relative/friend you know (who isn't attending) who could be recommended as a babysitter for the night? Like I said, I know nothing of the actual etiquette for this, but I'd find my sitter (I'd be asking coworkers in my case) and once they've agreed, I'd have a little business card sized note in the invitation that your friend is offering babysitting services for children under ... 5? I'd be the one paying my friend to sit for the children. To me it would be insurance that their children didn't cause a huge disruption in my year's worth of planning. This is just what *I'd* do.

At my reception I plan to have activities for the kids to keep them out of their parents' hair for a few minutes. My step daughters are teens and will be able to lead the little kids away for dancing and coloring contests or something. I'm lucky there. I'm not inviting other people's children. I've come to that conclusion. There will be mine, my FH's, our 4 yr. old flower girl and one out-of-town 4 yr. old cousin. They're all close-knit and will be OK together.

Kind of think out of the box about your own needs before binding yourself to etiquette.

[Marrying_the_Good_Husband]

Welcome to Pash!! Please post in the Bridal Journal Forum and tell us more about yourself!!

LOL! You're not a "demon bride" at all! Though, we could use one around here (for entertainment value). I'm kind of surprised we don't have ANY "bridezillas"!

I think the other ladies gave you a LOT of good suggestions! Every post I read I thought, oh, I'll second that! Until it reached the point where I would "second" five different suggestions!! I think they're all good options to consider for what works best for you. Yes, as Breezy pointed out, next week we will have a wedding expert on site--Sharon Naylor. I think this is exactly the type of question that would be good to ask her.

[Marge129]

Adding to this.... I had children at my reception (but I LOVE children). We hired 2 high school girls from our church to "babysit." We set up 3 tables in the corner of the reception hall and put games, coloring stuff, etc at east table. The kids were out of the way and allowed for the parents to mingle and have a good time. Everyone really loved it.

[SuzyBride]

HI!!! Welcome to Pash!!!

I think it needs to be all or nothing. I know that makes it really hard, but you don't want someone to think that you are discriminating against their kids and not other kids, ya know? I think the idea of a childrens room in the same location, or hiring someone to watch the kids at someones home is a great idea. I also think the parents would appreciate having a kid free night while knowing their children are enjoying themselves too with the other kids. I hope you work something out!!!

[whiddle]

Welcome to Pash!

If I read your post right, you are concerned because of a space issue and not because the kids will be bored, right?
I think it should be an all or none kind of thing. We had NO kids under 10. It worked out fabulously. I am assumming that you are having the reception in your home town. Is there someone that you know that can babysit this child during the reception (of course, if the parents are ok with this)?

[rosefeather]

Hello. Welcome to PAsh!! Good to see another cheese head on here!! I know you'll love it here!! These girls are great!

[Indigo]

Wow!! thanks for all of your input. I still have no idea what to do but am leaning towards just inviting them all and adjusting the guest list accordingly. I am not one to make people feel uncomfortable. I have not lived there in many many years so I don't know anyone who could watch the kids. The reception is also being held in a super small (less than 100 people) town. If there was a sitter they would have to sit in a motel somewhere. The reception is being held in a very old bed and breakfast hall which I was informed contains lots of antiques and is not child friendly. I guess we will just have to be careful.

I actually love kids and feel the more the merrier. I just worry that there will be adults whom I care about that I cannot invite becasue each family memeber wants to bring along all 3 of each of their kids. I just have so many slots available.

[Indigo]

Oh BTW-

Hi fellow Wisconsinite in Germantown.

and Suzybride - I graduated highschool in Rogers Arkansas. I lived in Fayetteville for a bit after that, until I moved to the cold northern mid-west.

[ljeagle]

U can call the local DHR (social services) It's different every where. They have a list of state child care providers. It's worth a try!