What to do?!?

[heather1107]

My sister is getting married in 5 months. Last May she came to MY house for a family get together and began to discuss, rather make demands, as to who was going to do what at her wedding. She totally excluded my husband, who was sitting directly across from her 5 feet away. She acted like he didn't even exist and disrespected him in OUR house. Over the next several months whenever we were together she would completely act like my husband wasn't even there and would only say good bye to him when leaving - nothing else the whole time.
To start things off my relationship with my sister isn't as great as it used to be but that is a whole different story. As of right now I am the maid of honor and my two sons are the ring bearers. After being completely disrespected and her not interacting with my husband for several months he told me that either he will take the children to the wedding and they will not be in it or they will be in the wedding and he won't attend. It is not that he is upset that he's not in the wedding (we just found out the grooms last name and have only been around him maybe a handful of times in the last 6 years and the groom has maybe said only 20 words to us in a conversation). Either way my children and husband are not going to the reception because the wedding is on Halloween and my children are young and don't want to miss trick or treating. My husband and I are not fighting about this because I do think he is right to be angry and I support both his options - but that doesn't make it any easier for me. If my children are not in the wedding my parents, who I'm very close to, will be very upset and it will cause many problems. I spend every day sick to my stomach and with chest pain because I am so upset to be in this position and not know what to do. Do I support my husband (who has supported me for 13 years, especially in times of turmoil with my sister) and not have the children in the wedding. Do I have the children in the wedding and not have to deal with the fighting with my family, but have to deal with the thought of not being supportive of my husband. He has been supportive of me through everything I have ever done since we have been together. Sorry about the long explanation but had to get everything in. Really need some advice. Please help these next 5 months be less stressful for me.