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posted by hermom
I'm going to have drum up the strength in my little fingers to tell the drama of my stepdaughter's wedding. I got into it a bit last fall/winter, but it is going worse than I thought it would. I'll try to put some thoughts together on that.
We aren't very involved in her wedding - her choice. This is not a slam on other young brides, but I can tell you that this one is 18, is inviting anyone whose name she can remember, sent her invites out (I made them and they were very nice) with registry cards AND no stamp on the RSVP envelope, oh yeah, and one more thing....and I swear on my mom's grave this is true - my 18 yo stepdaughter has bubblegum flavored lip gloss on her Target gift registry! Yeah, I'll have to work on a post for that one - it's a major soap opera.
Anyway - 130 sounds like a very nice sensible guest list.
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posted by feb-bride
I don't even think my husband and I combined KNOW 465 people! I've met that many people in my LIFETIME, but I don't know nearly that many people now. If I'd invited our ENTIRE family and all of our friends, we still would have been under 300 people for the both of us combined.
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posted by hermom
They are both very active in a "mega church" and are inviting anyone they have said Hi to on Sunday morning. I could never in a million years come up with that many people - that I could name - to invite. I tried explaining to her that it would take over 2 hours if she spoke to each guest for 20 seconds. Got me no where.
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posted by NovemberGal
Holy moly. I guess I'll stop stressing now that the 100-120 person wedding my FH and I wanted got blown out by the mothers to a 180-person guest list. 465 is more people than were in my entire middle & high schools (okay, so they were small. still.)
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posted by feb-bride
hermom - This marriage sounds doomed.
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posted by hermom
We think so too.
I have a HUGE 2 part post in The Lounge with all the sordid details.
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posted by syringa
If you think 465 is bad, I just came back from judging senior projects for students at a local high school. Two of the girls did their project on wedding planning. One helped her sister plan her wedding last August with a guest list of 840!!! Both the bride and groom and their families are very religious and they invited everyone from the groom's home church, about 2 hours away, as well as from the bride's church. I asked how many came and she said about 400. The reception was held in the back yard of the grandparent's home. Then, the next day, they had a reception at the groom's church. Those poor people received both a wedding invitation and a reception invitation. No wonder most didn't attend the wedding. That seemed absurd to me, but apparently their families don't think anything about inviting absolutely everyone they know or have ever known.
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posted by hermom
I can't imagine having 400 people at my home at one time! I don't own enough toilet paper to cover a party like that!
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posted by Lizbet
LOL!!! That cracks me up, hermom!
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posted by TheaterDiva1
Quote:
With a formal sit-down dinner, it is a bit more important to have exact numbers, and it is better to have a few less rather than a few more. Many caterers charge a surcharge when more guests than anticipated show up.
Next- this is tricky- the 130 shouldn't be just the guests- that has to include the bride and groom and wedding party and the photographer and the DJ and the band, the minister. (depending on the time of the wedding, you might indeed be expected to provide a meal for them.)
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We did our guest list on Excel, so BP members were already counted. However we almost forgot to count ourselves!!!
The place where we had the wedding asks for a guarantee of 60 adults. They also charge half for children and vendors. After all the RSVP's were in, with 2 children/vendors = 1 adult, we had less than 60 anyway!
Also, our place is more flexible with number of meals because people could choose between three types of entres (beef/chicken/fish), and they didn't choose until after they sat down, so the place couldn't know how many orders of each to expect (having people check off their real choice on the response card wasn't an option - DH and I have enough trouble deciding on dinner the same day, so how can we expect people to decide two months in advance what to have?)
-Maggie
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posted by e-star
Well I am not too worried about extra guests coming - most of our guests are out of town so it's not like they will decide to bring their daughter and her boyfriend last minute.
I am more worried about people flaking out and not showing up even after RSVP's saying they would. At the last wedding I went to, there were about 15 people who didn't show and I felt bad for my friends, the bridal couple. I knew it was costing them $200 per person (this was in New York) and that $3000 could have paid for their honeymoon! I'm really annoyed with one of the no-showers who is a mutual friend - she swore to me a week before the wedding that she was coming and when I spoke to her afterwards, she was a bit sheepish as she had no excuse.
I will be inviting this no-show friend to my own wedding but am worried she will pull the same trick with me. Since most of my friends are from out of town, I am holding my bridal shower a few days before the wedding. Is it ok to have my MOH ask the shower invitees for their hotel info.? I figure this would tell me if people are actually coming, like my flaky friend. I'd rather not waste $400 of food if her and her husband won't be there-I could sure the money for my honeymoon instead!
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posted by bebe0315
I guess I am more worried about extra people than no-shows. I mean, no-shows will bum me out a but, but it won't cause any actual problems or awkwardness. As a couple of people mentioned, the folks we are inviting are all very close to us, so we do expect high attendance. It is a formal sit-down dinner, not a buffet, so if a bunch of extra people show up, we may not be able to accomodate. Last year my cousin and his wife showed up at my sisters wedding with their 5 children (who were not invited), and there literally wasn't anywhere for them to sit. The site coordinator had to drag another table in and get it set up right as the reception was starting, while everyone stood there watching them try to find a place to squeeze them in. Fortunately there was enough extra food even though it was a sit-down dinner, but man it was awkward. I know some people on other threads have said things like 'what's a couple of extra people, just squeeze them in' but it's not always that easy! If you are to capacity, and there is no room, there just isn't any room! Our reception room does have a gorgeous attached patio that will be ours for the reception, but I would hate to have to seat some 'extra' guests outside! I guess it would be their own fault for bringing a bunch of extra people, but I would still feel really bad about having to seat a guest, invited or not, separately from the rest of the guests! I guess there is no sense worrying about that unless it happens. (Fingers crossed that it doesn't happen!)
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posted by TheaterDiva1
A few extra people wouldn't have made a difference price-wise (we're already paying for 60, so SOMEONE had better eat those dinners).
I'd be more conderned about seating - I had turned in a seating chart with 8/10 people at each table. If an extra person had just shown up and sat down, then someone at that table may not have a place to sit.
-Maggie
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posted by munchkin
That's one of my nightmares (someone showing up with too many people). Unfortunately there's not a way to say "get out, you weren't invited."
Though that sounds like fun in some moods.
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posted by bebe0315
If that happens, I will just pull the sword out of the croquembouche and chase them out!!!
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posted by munchkin
ahahaha I forgot about that croquembouche. I mentioned it to my FH and he just looked at me as if I was insane. What can I say, hacking at a pastry with a sword sounds like fun.
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posted by feb-bride
You guys slay me!
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posted by bebe0315
With a sword, feb? (guffaw...) Okay yeah that was corny, but I just had to - the set up was perfect!
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